A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. Thanks for checking my postSo here's the situation. Yesterday, I had a VERY rough day. I was talking to my girlfriend, when all of a sudden she asks me this question. "Who do you find attractive when you first entered school?". I said that another girl is kinda attractive to me.My girlfriend was in silence, I was completely confused by that. Shortly after that, she wants a break! I was so broken down. I've said that for the sake of what I felt the first time I entered the school.So here's the story, I find this another girl attractive even before I met my current girlfriend when I first entered the school. That feeling lasted for a few hours I suppose? After i've met her(my current girlfriend), I waited for her from April to November (2009) because that time, she has a bf.I'm very confused. What part I missed? Plus, she said she was my second option which is a TOTAL BS! I've waited for her that long and she still said that? And now i'm very confused, hate myself and not sure of both of our position whether we're still together or not. I don't wanna break but she does and she doesn't wanna come back.So what does that mean? What should I do to win her back? Please help. I love my girlfriend more than anything the world has to offer. I'm broken down and I'm really in need of you guys since I don't fully trust anyone around me to talk to about this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Hey. It's me again. Thank you for your answers guys. I really appreciate it.One point I forgot. In the middle of the confusion, she said I told her that the other girl is beautiful and she got very hurt by it. I mean, it was before I even met her! I said the truth. But i really can't recall I said that but she's very very very sure I said it.Does that mean i'm guilty over here?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Sorry I actually failed to answer your question in my previous post.
Personally I'd let her go, if she's willing to make such a big deal out of something like this, this won't be the last time she does this.
But if you don't mind a relationship where you have to constantly be careful of what you say. Then you have to talk to her and tell her that no one compares to her. That when she asked that question you told her the truth because you never want to lie to her. Then say "why don't ask me who I think is the prettiest girl in the school, or who I love more than anyone in this world, who do I think about constantly, who is the smartest, funniest girl I know, why don't you ask me those questions? The answer is you and always will be"
If she still won't respond then you just have to let her go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): You did nothing wrong at all and while others say this girl is immature, for her age that kind of question is normal. We can't really say she's a drama queen either, she could just be inexperienced. She is definitely insecure though.
You've learned the first lesson of relationships, girls (guys too) that ask that kind of question are insecure, if you want to continue a relationship with them then you always have to be diplomatic in your answers. You ALWAYS have to answer in a way that makes her believe there is no one better, more beautiful or funnier than her.
For future reference here's a bunch of questions (with the only proper answers) girls shouldn't ask because they really don't want to know the truth. So when they ask you DO NO under any circumstances tell them the truth, yes it's okay to avoid these questions and yes it's okay to lie in these circumstances because the truth will be hurtful to them.
1. Am I fat? No way! (It's important you reply immediately, do not look at her body, just say it)
2. What are you thinking about? How beautiful the girl beside me is or how lucky I am to have you (This is a standard pillow talk question, it's a trap do not say anything other you're thinking about her or she'll be pissed, insecure girls will ask this other times too, just remember when you're with them they'll want your full attention, so if you get lost in thought and they ask you this, then you're always thinking about them)
3. Who did you first fancy when you came to school? I don't remember because I have you, it's like no other girl exists to me when I'm with you, you're so beautiful.
4. Do you think she's hot? I don't know I haven't ever really noticed her. (Never admit you like anyone else, always be nonchalant about other girls)
5. How old do you think I am? (This one is tricky, because young teen girls want to look older but from 20 onwards they want to be teenagers forever, so if you think they're 15-20 always say 19, If you think they're 21-25 always say 19-20, 25-30 say an age 3 to 4 years younger, 30+ then say an age 5 years younger. If you have absolutely no clue then just say 19)
6. Was that good for you too? Yeah that was great, I'm still tingling. (even if she was a lively as a sack of potatoes)
All these questions as you can probably tell are based on insecurity, they're looking for reassurance, NOT the truth. There are lots and lots more which you will discover the answers to as you grow older. Look not all women are this insecure but the ones that aren't don't ask these types of question.
Women can't all be categorized nor generalized like this obviously, but in my experience even the most secure of women has asked these at least once and the answer must always be the same. Even when they know your lying most of the time they will think it's cute.
Games are part of relationships and dating, women will always test guys to see if they are suitable partners. Some of the time they don't need to as it's just apparent to them through conversation and actions, but any reservations and tests come out. This is understandable as our society is still built on the concept of the guy making the moves, a pretty girl will have a lot of suitors and most guys will talk the talk just to get what they want. So tests are a way to judge a guys sincerity, are his words backed up by actions.
You get used to it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I agree with the others here, that girl is very silly and immature. And I do feel sorry for you that you waited for her for so long and then she up and leaves you like this after SHE asked a very stupid question.
You could try to talk to her, but that's really all you can do I think. Just try and talk it out with her. Could be she just needs to calm down before she figures out how silly she has been. Really. You've been more than patient with her, my respect to you.
My personal rule: never ask a question you don't want the answer to.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 October 2010):
Unlucky. You walked into a woman's biggest bear trap. They never want the truth about something like this. They want you to say it's them. In other words, she wanted you to tell her that she was the one you fancied.
I'm afraid some women (and some guys, just not as much) are prone to asking trick questions, or 'tests', that ultimately prove absolutely nothing. This is more about her own insecurity than anything else. And to be honest, the trick questions become tiresome after a while. You just find yourself always walking on egg shells all the time.
I think you should talk to her again and explain to her that you fancied this other girl some time ago, it never went any further and you got over her and moved on. If your girlfriend really can't accept that, then you've got a Drama Queen on your hands, and you'd be better to move on. Women and Men can be insecure at times, and there is nothing wrong with that. There will be days where you feel insecure and need reassurance from a girlfriend. But there is a point where you just have to move on. You can't be treading on egg shells all your life.
so, let this one slide and try explaining to her that she is the only girl for you now. But if she refuses to listen, dump her and move on. Also, if she does get back with you, but more of these trick questions arise, also dump her. There is only so much that you are required to take before the time comes to give up and move on to someone more secure with themselves.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Obviously she didn't want the truth. she wanted you to say YOU!.
I think she is being really silly about this. I would point out to her that not only did you WAIT for her to NOT be in a relationship, but that you didn't hook up with girl X (the girls you were initially attracted to).
I would also ask her if she wants you to lie in the future to avoid drama.... or if she can handle the truth.
Oh, and honey..... IF she ever asks you if her but looks big in that dress/pants/skirt - LIE! Tell her NO, you look hot.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (27 October 2010):
 anyways tell her you didn't mean it and that she is being unreasonable and insecure and that you were tricked into answering a question that has no bearing on your current relationship.
to be honest if this is the kind of insecure crap she pulls your going to have these kind of situations crop up all the time.
just wait and tell her you love her, if that doesn't work...
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (27 October 2010):
she's very immature and maybe you should have avoided answering that sort of question.
questions to not answer from women
am i androgynous?
how old do you think i am?, no really go on guess!
what other girls do you fancy (when in a relationship)?
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