A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can I stay friends with my ex? I'm still not over him, but he seems to be very much over me. When he mentions other girls, it bothers me. Or when he flirts with other girls. Since we're over, it shouldn't matter that much to me. We go to the same school and have the same group of friends, so I can't avoid him. I don't want to have to avoid him. I want to at least stay friends. But it's really hard when you care so much about someone who didn't think twice about throwing you away. How can I stay his friend without going crazy? Thanks
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 You can't. You haven't moved on yet and it will only crush you everytime you see him. That or you will continuously have false hope that he will change his mind and come back to you. I've tried it. Numerous times. With different exes. Every time after hanging out I ended up crying and asking "why am I so stupid???". Hearing them talk about girls or just the blatant uncaring nature towards breaking up while you are dying inside... Yeah it is horrible. Also really messes with your self esteem. It is possible to be friends one day, but definitely not when you aren't over him. Talking and seeing him just makes it take longer to move on in fact. Avoid him if you can, heal, move on and then befriend him. And make sure when you "move on" and try to hang out or talk again that you truly have moved on, don't give it time and come back around to him hoping he changed his mind. Unless you are just into hurting yourself unnecessarily.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 October 2010):
If you're not over him, this is the worst thing you can do. You can't avoid him, no, but you can limit contact. I'll tell you straight if you're not over him, then it will only damage you more to try and remain close friends with him. As Dirtball says, it would be a good idea to talk to him and just explain that you find it difficult when he talks about other girls in front of you. But please don't try to be close friends. You'll never get over him, and you'll just watch him move further and further away.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 October 2010):
 It's incredibly difficult to do. In your case I would suggest talking to him and asking him to not talk about things like that to you. If he can muster some empathy for your feelings, that will go a long way toward helping you cope. Saying something along the lines of, "I'm trying really hard to be your friend, but when you talk about other girls when I'm around it still hurts. Would you mind not talking about that around me for a while yet?"
Of course, he may be doing it BECAUSE it bothers you as a means of revenge. If he's a nice guy, he'll consider your feelings and make some changes. If he's a jerk he'll rub it in your face more.
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