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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: How can you tell if a guy is trying to manipulate you?I ask because i feel like a guy "friend" who is already taken is trying to manipulate me to get what he wants.E.g trying to make me feel guilty, over complimenting me etc...How can i be sure? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 He does not seem to grasp the fact that he is being unfair... I think in fact that he grasps it perfectly !|, just he does not care and it's very naive of you expecting he should.
His problem is not how to promote fairness and loyalty in our society !, his problem is getting what he wants , which is : keeping his current gf AND having sexual access to you on the side, why should he play fair ?
It seems to me that you accuse him to manipulate you mainly because he tells you that you are hot and amazing, and ...he is still with his girlfriend. Look , the two things are not mutually exclusive . He may really think that you are hot- and also think he is happier with his gf and does not want to leave her . A lot of people want to keep their cake and eat it too, - it's not so unusual at all !
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Yeah, he's definitely being manipulative. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be saying those things while still involved with his girlfriend. It sounds like he's trying to guilt you into visiting only so he can further guilt you into having some 'fun' on the side. It would be best to stop speaking to him completely.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 October 2010):
He's completely manipulating you. Get away from him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA bit more info: we used to have a casual thing before he was with her. Now he's with her he tells me he doesn't see me enough and that i should come see him. He lives a couple of hours away. I said i'd try and come see him but it's not as easy for me to come see him as i don't drive but he does. He makes me feel guilty for not coming to see him. He calls me "amazing" and said he's always thought i was since we first met up. He calls me hot sometimes and i told him that us sleeping together would be wrong when he's with her he then tried to make me feel guilty again by saying that i hurt him because i haven't come to see him. One minute he's over complementing me and i get angry because he's with her and using my feelings for him againt me. When i get angry and tell him i don't like that he denies messing me around and tells me he meant what he said about me being "amazing". At the moment my confidence is in the gutter because this has been going on well over a year and he doesn't seem to grasp the fact that he's being very unfair.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 October 2010):
Complimenting a lot is one thing. That's not necessarily a sign of manipulation. Sometimes it can be a sign of insecurity.
However, a good sign that you're being manipulated is that this guy tries to make you feel guilty. A friend isn't there to make you feel guilty, a friend is there so when you make a mistake (within reason), you can be forgiven and that's it. He shouldn't be making you feel guilty.
So, I'm going to say that the fact he is overly nice, makes you feel guilty and that you feel something is wrong, he's trying to manipulate you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): Hunh?~Your questin is confusing, then again I took a sleeping pill not long ago... My confusion is: If a guy is taken, why would he try to make you feel guilty and how would complimenting you make you feel guilty? Maybe he's complimenting you, because that's what people do when they are touched or impressed by something associated with a particular individual?????
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (29 October 2010):
If something doesn't feel right, it's more than likely that it's not. Has he always been that way, or is this a sudden change?
Usually, when someone is overly nice and comes on a bit too strong, it's because they're trying gain your trust quickly in order to use it to their advantage later. This makes guilt especially effective, and leaves you feeling like you're the one doing something wrong by not giving that person what they want, when in fact you've done nothing wrong at all.
Without more info about the situation I can't be sure if that's what's going on here, but generally this is the case if something feels amiss when someone comes off as 'too nice'.
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