A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. We love one another and we are unseparable. I am 19 and he is 24. He has a 4 year old daughter who I have learned to love very much. I hate his ex girlfriend because sometimes I feel like she only had his daughter with him to control him for the rest of his life. When he picks his daughter up, I am always there with him but I absolutely hate it.I just feel like there is somethng there and it hurts me. Another thing, is that his daughter pulls out pictures of her mommy and daddy when they were in high school. (They were together from 10th grade until after their daughter was born they broke up because he caught her cheating on him.)And I cant really get mad I mean she is 4 years old and doesnt know what she is doing is hurting me, but my boyfriends sister is good friends with his ex. I feel like his sister and his mom kisses her butt so they can see his daughter and I can't stand it.I love him alot and I really want a future with him, but what do I do in this situation? I don't want to see him with someone else but I don't want to be miserable either. Whenever I try and be done, he comes crawling back and makes me fall again. What can I say to him? Whenever we talk about it he says that he only is nice so he can see his daughter, but why should I sit back and watch another woman run his life when I can't? Please help :(
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 October 2010):
No woman should be running his life for him. Not her, not you. And I think you have unrealistic expectations of what a girlfriend does. It's not about 'sitting back and watching her run his life when you can't. It's about what is RIGHT for his daughter. He is obligated to be a father to her, and she must come first whether you or anyone else likes it or not.
As for his family, they have every right to be friendly to the mother of the niece/granddaughter. You can't stop that, and you have no real right to be angry at them for it. She is the mother of your boyfriend's child, and they really do need to get along with her for the child's sake.
To be honest, I think you're not ready or mature enough for this level of commitment. You're basically a step mother, but at the same time you're a young adult, and this is huge responsibility. You're just not mentally ready for something like that. You seem to be thinking that you're in competition with the ex, which is a bad start. You're not in competition at all. What they had is over, otherwise they'd still be together. And you consistently ending it then getting back together with him is doing no one any good.
Ultimately, this won't work out. I don't really see what your boyfriend or his family can realistically do to make you feel secure about this. He can't end contact, and neither can his family. His daughter is always going to be there, as will his ex, and his daughter will talk to her father about her mother, and will show photos and such.
Unless you can understand that there is no competition, and that he is nice for his daughter's sake (which is right), this won't work out.
So, your decision. Either you end it fully, and move on to a guy who has no children so you can start your own family at a later date, or you have to come to terms with the fact this is the way your life will be. She calls him for his daughter, he will jump. Not for the ex, but for his daughter.
You can't sit there miserable for the rest of your life, and you can't sit there not wanting him to have anyone else. That's unfair. You're either his girlfriend, trusting him and doing what's right for his daughter, or you're out and you move on.
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (29 October 2010):
 What Syrop said made sense to me! However let me add, regardless to whatever the REASON he's giving her the respect he's giving her RESPECT, Nevertheless.You need to look at it from that perspective then Why he's doing what he's doing? He's a "Good" person seem like to me. And he also understand that it's the way he treats his "DAUGHTER'S MOTHER" that will be the example his daughter may use as her guideline as her choice in men later in her life. Think ahead, don't' just think for the right here & now,!
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A
female
reader, syrop  +, writes (29 October 2010):
he is attracted to her just because oh her daughter. many men craves for their child. once you are married and you get your child i think everything will be alright then. but he won't stop craving for that child because remember its HIS child. in this case, if you tried being a bit harsh that may make you case delicate. i think you should accept that because the daughter has no fault. she is innocent, she does not know what she is actually doing. all that the mother has done with you boyfriend the daughter is not to be blamed for that. can't your boyfriend ask to keep his child in his custody? if this is possible then that would be great. else don't ever talk about it to your boyfriend, he would think you are like sort of jealous and want to separate him from his child that would cause barrier in your relation. remember one thing he will never go back to the woman who had CHEATED him by CHEATING the woman who live him (you). HE IS CRAVING FOR HIS CHILD NOT FOR THAT WOMAN
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A
male
reader, deadwalk  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Whoa just show everyone true colour of step mother why u have to means bcuz she's that mans(your bf) daughter how u think your bf is important to u just like that for him her daughter u gotta adjust with her continue your life then only your life will be beautiful with your bf am sure about that and decision is your's good luck
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