| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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She gets mad at me when I tell the truth so I have to lie just for us to stay together!
Q. i really need help! recently me and my gf had a fight and she said i cheated on her when i never did. she believes all the lies she says to herself i had a female friend whom i'd talk to quite often but feelings were only mutual. my gf told me if i ...
A. 19 November 2010: Just dump her, man. She's the problem. Not you. You can't just 'make' someone feel when they're past it. ... (read in full...)
Do I have enough here to say that she likes me back or am I just getting my hopes up?
Q. There's a girl I know, let's call her Miranda. She's the roommate of two friends of mine, and we sometimes go over just to hang out with them. I've known this girl about a month or so. Two weeks ago myself, three other girls and her had a night ...
A. 18 November 2010: 1 - Quit thinking you're not good enough. If you think you're not good enough, she'll walk on by and you'll never know. Yes you are good enough.
2 - Maybe she does like you, maybe she doesn't. You won't know unless you take a deep breath and talk... (read in full...)
Should I let my ex know I want him to feature more in our daughter's life?
Q. I had a love child with a married man and she is now 2 years old. It was a mistake but shes here to stay and is a lovely kid. He has never met her but we live quite close and she will go to the same school as his 4 year old. He has seen us in town ...
A. 18 November 2010: I think the only person who can honestly say whether he feels something would be him. All I know is that there are men who have had affairs and children by their mistresses who have stepped up and been good fathers (even if dreadful husbands). I ... (read in full...)
Why do women get freaky on guys they don't love, but not with guys they do?
Q. I found out in cleaning out some old files on a unused computer that my GF had a much wilder and mind blowing sex life with her ex before me than she previously described. This mate was mainly a fuck buddy, but they were friends for a few years ...
A. 17 November 2010: Because she truly loves you. She didn't really love the other guys. And she wants you to see her for who she really is, and not a piece of meat which is how the other men treated her. Basically, you're the guy who treats her like she wants to be ... (read in full...)
I can forgive her but I don't want to touch her!
Q. Wife had an affair and she sounds very genuine that she is sorry, I can get over it but what i cant get over is He ejaculated in her and now I dont want to even touch her because I feel that her body has absorbed his fluids and he is always with ...
A. 17 November 2010: This could be fixed, but will take a huge amount of time and effort from you both. You are feeling pretty much what anyone who has been cheated on (in the case of women who's husband have cheated, they often say that can't touch the man because he's ... (read in full...)
We've already played out his fantasy but he wants another threesome!
Q. My boyfriend wants to have a threesome with another girl.The thing is we have already done this once . I like girls too but i hated seeing him penetrate this other woman. He says if I dont want to , theres no fun in it for him, but I worry he isnt ...
A. 17 November 2010: You've opened up the door that should have been left closed. He did it once, and that should have been enough. Now he's wanting it more. This will continue if you allow it. Stop the threesomes now and work on the fundamentals of the relationship. ... (read in full...)
Should I let my ex know I want him to feature more in our daughter's life?
Q. I had a love child with a married man and she is now 2 years old. It was a mistake but shes here to stay and is a lovely kid. He has never met her but we live quite close and she will go to the same school as his 4 year old. He has seen us in town ...
A. 17 November 2010: If you're going to do it, you need to be prepared for the fact that he will turn away. He's already ignoring the fact she exists, and it could be that if it comes out, you'll either push him further away, or you'll get a lot of hassle from his ... (read in full...)
After ending a two year relationship she's with another guy in less than a week!
Q. After breaking up with me last Thursday, she's already posting pictures online of her with another guy. How do I get over this? This past week has been tough on me, but I've been able to move on fairly well through the support of my friends and f...
A. 17 November 2010: You can sit there and try rationalize this. You can sit there and try to work out what those last two years meant. You can tell us not to say 'move on'.
But, at the end of it, you'll never be able to rationalize it, yo'll never know what those two ... (read in full...)
Am I the only woman who doesn't want children or the perfect "white picket fence" life?
Q. I'm 23 now and even since i can remember i've never been interested in having children, i mean, at all. Sometimes it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. Whenever i've been around friends or family and they're all fussing over one of ...
A. 17 November 2010: There are a lot of people who feel that way. It may well change as you get older (some people in their mid thirties suddenly feel like they have to). But, right now, the best thing you can do is live your own life and have fun. Who cares what other ... (read in full...)
Should I put up with my feelings or get out of the marriage?
Q. I've been with my husband for many years but graduallyI've got less and less attracted to him physically. I haven't actually fancied him for ages and now I don't feel right when he touches me, I just tense up.We have kids so I'm having real trouble ...
A. 17 November 2010: No affairs! They degrade you, and they make it appear like you can't face up to problems. Also, every time you have an affair, you run a risk of being found out. And if you get found out, you'll carry the blame no matter what problems there were in ... (read in full...)
I know I should leave him after his affairs and lies, but I don't want my son to come from a broken home
Q. ok so as you can see rom my other posts I have had a really hard relationship with my boyfriend from the beginning, I will just give you a brief run down. We met in march 2009, he cheated on me within 2 weeks with his ex, then in july I feel pre...
A. 17 November 2010: No it's not your fault. And how can a man who deserts you when you have a miscarriage, cheats on you several times, and lie have a heart of gold? He doesn't. He isn't worthy of you. The more you stay, the more likely it is that your son will come to ... (read in full...)
Do I owe my ex another chance like my family thinks I do, or do I follow my heart?
Q. So my situation is this, I have been living in my parent's house with my boyfriend for five years. When my mother let him come to live at my house he and I were just friends, and had met online. He is from 3,000 miles away, and all of his family is ...
A. 17 November 2010: Don't go back to your ex. Your mother has no right to treat you this way. Your heart says don't go back, your head says don't go back. DON'T GO BACK. And if your mother tries to take your stuff, tell her you'll have her arrested for theft.
Y... (read in full...)
He has broken up with me 15 times in the last 2 years!
Q. hi im 22 years old and my boyfriend is 25, iv'e been with him for about 2 years there's something really wrong with him. in the past 2 years he's broke up with me about 15 times and his exuse is im scared of getting hurt... i keep telling him im not ...
A. 17 November 2010: How much longer will you torture yourself? Just get away from him.... (read in full...)
My ex barged in on my date, and now he doesn't want to get involved with me! Do I try and win him back or let him go?
Q. It's a long story, so i'll try my best to cut it down for you! (Thank you for reading!) I was in a relationship for 9 years (since i was 16) with someone i thought was my soulmate. I admit, it was on and off for the most part as he cheated on me, a...
A. 17 November 2010: More than anything else it's ESSENTIAL that you keep your ex away. Any guy faced with a girl's ex barging in would probably run a mile. So, make sure that ex is well and truly out of your life. And he doesn't feel the way you want him to. He's just ... (read in full...)
No physical relationship - what to do?
Q. My wife is emotionally dead towards me. We have been married for 9 years and have a four year old child. We used to be very affectionate together, but now our sex life is non existent, she won't hug or hold me and we never kiss. If I try to, I a...
A. 17 November 2010: There comes a point where you have to look at the so called 'big picture' and think without emotion. And you're at that point.
You have worked, you are trying to make a better life, you have tried to work around the house, and you've tried to talk... (read in full...)
She gets mad at me when I tell the truth so I have to lie just for us to stay together!
Q. i really need help! recently me and my gf had a fight and she said i cheated on her when i never did. she believes all the lies she says to herself i had a female friend whom i'd talk to quite often but feelings were only mutual. my gf told me if i ...
A. 17 November 2010: Dump her. She's controlling, immature and insecure to the point where you can't be with her. She's making you take away your friends, she's listening to lies and not the truth, she's emotionally blackmailing you, she's checking your phone. Seriously ... (read in full...)
How can I find a man who truly wants to have a family?
Q. I met my ex husband when I was 16. Back then we both dreamed about having lots of babies when we were older. When we got o older he started to give me excuses why it wasn't the right time yet and even went as far as to tell me that if I were to get ...
A. 17 November 2010: There are men out there who want to settle. You have to work through them and fine one. However, as a back up, it might well be worth having your eggs frozen to ensure that if you don't find a guy, you may well still have a kids. there are guys who ... (read in full...)
It feels like a stone in my right arm?
Q. hey guys , i just have a health question , its actually freakin me out lately . i have some kind of a STONE yes it feels like a small stone in my right arm . i can feel it when i touch it but it also appears when i work out and my arm gets tighter , ...
A. 17 November 2010: It's worth going to your doctor to get it checked. ... (read in full...)
Do guys like it when girls get really wet during sex?
Q. Hi. This is my first time on this site, and I can't believe how helpful it has been! My question is: Do guys like it when girls get really wet before/while having sex? I ask this because I tend to get very turned on during sex, and get really ...
A. 17 November 2010: Guy love it!... (read in full...)
I know I should leave him after his affairs and lies, but I don't want my son to come from a broken home
Q. ok so as you can see rom my other posts I have had a really hard relationship with my boyfriend from the beginning, I will just give you a brief run down. We met in march 2009, he cheated on me within 2 weeks with his ex, then in july I feel pre...
A. 17 November 2010: Your son is from a broken home anyway. His father is a cheat, and a man who deserted you when you miscarried. The man is dreadful. He cheated, you stayed together, you miscarried (for which I am very sorry), he left you. He came back, he cheated ... (read in full...)
I was the other woman but I ended it, now I feel so lost....
Q. I just ended an affair. i dont feel proud of having one. hope you dont judge me for being in one. i was the other woman. their relationship ended not necessarily because he was cheating but because of many other factors. it was just not going to...
A. 17 November 2010: You did exactly the right thing by ending it. Be proud that you did that. Above all else, this guy is untrustworthy. But, secondly, figures show that 89% of relationships that start as affairs fail. You're within the majority. And the reason they ... (read in full...)
How can I show that I do trust him?
Q. He thinks I don't trust him, and says a relationship without trust is nothing and so we are over. I'm devastated. I think I do trust him, but have been cautious along the way in case things don't work out. If I have a trust issue, it's not ...
A. 17 November 2010: This isn't about you showing you trust him. It's about him showing he trusts you. He doesn't at all. You DO trust him, and there is nothing specific that shows you don't. At all. The car going in your name is perfectly logical since he has credit ... (read in full...)
I feel she has had sex with so many people in the past that she no longer has a sex drive!
Q. I've been with this girl on and off for 12 years. We never have been together for 2yrs without breaking up until she got pregnant with my 2 yr old son. She had at least 40+ sex partners before me and during our break ups. She now change her views ...
A. 17 November 2010: To be honest, I don't think it's a good idea for you two to stay together. Her having sex with all those guys is actually the least of your problems. Often, you'll find that a woman who's been a 'bad girl' outside a relationship will turn into a ... (read in full...)
I'm way more pleased with myself than guilty!
Q. This morning i cheated on my fiance with someone I met online. I have been with my fiance for 8 years...my question is why don't i feel guilty? I try to make excuses like i did it for an ego boost because i have low self esteem or that it was nice ...
A. 16 November 2010: You don't feel guilty, because your engaged to a man who isn't the One, and your relationship is dead. You obviously found this guy online, you talked to him for a while, you met him, you cheated. If your relationship was the One, you simply ... (read in full...)
Should I accept her back in my life or just be done with her?
Q. 11 days ago my fiancee broke up with me, she wanted to be with another guy. After all the break-up arguments were over she has been texting me and hinting about getting back together. I do love her but I don't enjoy the way she has treated me ...
A. 16 November 2010: Be done with her. She dumped you, had sex with this other guy, then has come back and expects you to pick up the pieces. She will do this again. She will fail you again. Be rid of this one.... (read in full...)
Baby daddy family drama
Q. Okay. My son's father, we will call him Cord, died in June of '09 he fell of a roof and broke his neck (he was drunk)and my bf, Michael and I have been together for two years almost. Anyway, Cord was never there for our son. When our son was hosp...
A. 16 November 2010: Your son probably does need to know his Grandmother. If he doesn't, in years to come he may resent that you didn't let him see her, especially if she is there for him. The rest of the family have no part to play in his life. Michael has no right to ... (read in full...)
I want to find the right way to tell him about being unfaithful to him....
Q. My friend recommended with site to me, so here I am, I hope you can provide me with some advice. I cheated on my boyfriend and don't know how to tell him so he'll listen to me. Please read through the back story before making any ideas of how ...
A. 16 November 2010: I think that you're not reading into your boyfriend's actions as much as you need to be here. Ultimately, there is no right way of you being able to tell him. You just say it, and hope for the best. And this is where I think you need to step back a ... (read in full...)
Can we come out of this more loving and happier people?
Q. I've been married for 3 years and with him for 11 years. Before we were engaged we both cheated on each other and dealt with it and Afterwards we got engaged. 4 years later we married and 2 1/2 years after our marriage he cheated with a girl he ...
A. 16 November 2010: Your husband is a pretty dreadful person to be honest.
Now, everyone will admit that you both cheating on each other earlier on in the relationship was out of order and wrong. But you both made a commitment to work through that, and put it behi... (read in full...)
Why cant I seem to hold onto a man? I'm not picking the wrong men, they are picking me!
Q. I seem to be caught in a cycle of rejection and I need help to break out of it! My long-term relationship ended nearly three years ago and this year I decided to try dating. In the last few months I have been rejected by four men and I can't figure ...
A. 16 November 2010: I think there are two things going on here.
The first, is that I think maybe these guys are approaching you just for sex, but you're holding out (which is good - so don't give that up), so they're wandering off elsewhere. The way they come alon... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for my wife to make me choose between our family (wife and kids),and my family (dad, brother, cousin, close best friends, etc...)?
Q. I have been married for 6 months now and I do love my wife. I know when I tied the knot, a lot of things in my life will change and I would have to adjust to many things. I like to think I have done pretty good job on adjusting to the married life ...
A. 15 November 2010: Unless your wife has a serious reason, then she is totally wrong. And by serious reason, it would mean something like your family are abusive. If your wife is that against them, then she doesn't need to come along. But that doesn't mean you and your ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about travelling alone!
Q. I'm wondering whether i should go to a concert alone this saturday ?. some of my friends will be sat in the same block as me, and a fan i know online, but havent met personally yet, will be sat next to me, so i wont exactly be alone during the ...
A. 15 November 2010: This is just something you probably have to chance. Best thing to go is go on google maps or something and print off all the area around the arena, and make sure you know how to get from the station to the arena. As for the train station, stand in ... (read in full...)
How do women define maturity?
Q. Why do women put so much importance on a guy's hobbies and possessions to decide if he is "mature" or not? To me, maturity should have nothing to do with anything as superficial as collecting action figures, reading comics, not owning a car for ...
A. 15 November 2010: I asked a girl this once before because she dumped a friend of mine, and I wanted to know why, since he seemed like a good guy.
She said "If a hobby takes more of man's time up than I do, then he's not mature enough for a relationship"
I suppose ... (read in full...)
Do men fancy their female friends?
Q. What is it with men and female friends? I have just had a major argument with a friend of mine about sex. Specifically the fact that because I am his friend, he would never sleep with me. I thought men were attracted to all women? Everythi...
A. 14 November 2010: Maybe look at the type of you're specifically attracted to. It might be that you need to change your type to meet different guys. You're not doing anything specifically wrong at all. ... (read in full...)
Have I put him in a cage?
Q. My boyfriend and I had a rocky first year to our relationship where he screwed me over and lied about meeting up with his ex girlfriend. Since then he's worked so hard to regain my trust. However he's stopped seeing his female friends on a one to ...
A. 14 November 2010: You didn't put him in any cage at all. Don't feel bad. He made the decision to lie to you about seeing an ex, and he has since made the decision to regain your trust. And, in a sensible move, he's seen that to regain your trust, he's had to ... (read in full...)
Baby daddy family drama
Q. Okay. My son's father, we will call him Cord, died in June of '09 he fell of a roof and broke his neck (he was drunk)and my bf, Michael and I have been together for two years almost. Anyway, Cord was never there for our son. When our son was hosp...
A. 14 November 2010: The moment you said Cord hadn't turned up for his son's hospital treatment and had gone to a party, was the moment I knew you were doing the right thing in not letting that disgusting family see your baby.
In fairness to Cord's mother, I don't see ... (read in full...)
She wants me to be the father of her child
Q. Hi need advice on the technicality of my situation. She is 35 and I am 28. We were former FWBs (friends with benefits). But we have not met for 5 years. Recently she was in town and asked if she could stay overnight. We did a lot of catching ...
A. 14 November 2010: This is quite a sad situation in many ways for this woman because she so desperately wants a baby, but hasn't found the right guy. All I can do is put this into perspective for you, and not her.
First of all, the law around the world is pretty much... (read in full...)
I shouldn't be in a relationship feeling the way that I do
Q. Hi, I am having relationship dilema and am hoping someone can give me some insight! I think I already know my answers but I'm not confident enough to act on it! I am in a relationship with a girl for the last year. I have never been with a woman be...
A. 14 November 2010: It sounds to me like the relationship you have has gone as far as it can. In fairness to you. I admire that you've come out and said you shouldn't be in this relationship. There are a lot of people who wouldn't admit that and just end up cheating, ... (read in full...)
Workmate gave me a bruise because I wouldn't do what he said
Q. hi so i have this guy friend at work and the other day we got into an argument cause he wanted to take his break with me but he wanted to take it at 5 and i wanted to take it at 430 so then he got mad and squeezed my arm and when i said to let go he ...
A. 14 November 2010: I would take that up with your boss. This guy sounds like a bit of a nut job to me.... (read in full...)
Is activating your dating account cheating?
Q. if you met someone online and made your account inactive when things progress between you both is it classed as cheating if you go back online and re-activate your account and look at other profiles without the other persons knowledge? ...
A. 14 November 2010: I would suggest to you that this guy you've met isn't all he's cracked up to be. If you're agreed you were both exclusive, and deactivated your accounts on the idea you didn't want to meet anyone else, then he's overstepped the line.... (read in full...)
I don't get this post break up stuff!
Q. My ex and I were going to get coffee, she canceled, had homework to do and needed extra time to do it. She has a boy friend (probably going out tonight). I told her its okay, just tell me you are free next week, she said she had family stuff, school ...
A. 14 November 2010: The problem here is two-fold.
Firstly, the way your ex is treating you is like dirt. Seriously, she's not that great. This is a girl who throws a lot of what you do in your face, claims that she could have her boyfriend's best friend, finds othe... (read in full...)
I charge my sister to clean the bathroom! Am I cheating her?
Q. Do you think its wrong that I charge my older sister 15/20$ to clean the bathroom for her? Meaning she don't have to do anything, no sweeping, no mirror cleaning ect. She has the bathroom 2 times a in a row and then I have it 2 times in a row. What ...
A. 14 November 2010: Nope. Not at all. I think you're right to charge her, actually. I wouldn't clean my brother's or sister's bathroom. for free. ... (read in full...)
Do men fancy their female friends?
Q. What is it with men and female friends? I have just had a major argument with a friend of mine about sex. Specifically the fact that because I am his friend, he would never sleep with me. I thought men were attracted to all women? Everythi...
A. 14 November 2010: There he never been a close female friend that I have fancied. I'm sure some guys fancy their female friends. But there are some that don't. My closest female friends (all four of them), are women who I am not attracted to sexually in any way. ... (read in full...)
Is activating your dating account cheating?
Q. if you met someone online and made your account inactive when things progress between you both is it classed as cheating if you go back online and re-activate your account and look at other profiles without the other persons knowledge? ...
A. 13 November 2010: A dating site is for finding other people. So that's one count. And to hide it/not tell a partner is a second count.
In my opinion, this makes it cheating, or certainly a sign of untrustworthiness. ... (read in full...)
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