A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just when I thought my boyfriend loved me, he goes and makes plans to hang with his friends on my birthday. He doesn't even mention it...he also chose not to spend his birthday with me, but I decided not to get angry/hurt since I had known him only 5 months then. Guys, maybe I'm being stupid but this really hurts. But, it's just my luck. I've never had a happy birthday...just the ones I can't remember. He seemed to care so much, be so sweet...but whatever. Yeah, maybe I am being stupid and childish. I'm turning 19 and he's already seen that age and more. So, do I need to stop being a moron and let him have his fun, no matter what? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): My boyfriend wants to go overseas for business and will be gone on my birthday. He's really good with dates and he probably will remember my birthday. The thing is, he doesn't really have to go on this trip and it really hurts that he'll be gone on my birthday. All of my really good mates will be out of town as well - so it looks like me, just me and playing the song "All by Myself." Hope that I'm not being selfish here. Let me know what you think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCeltic Tiger, you're right...we are moving in different paths. But, he seems to regress...he never wants marriage, is unsure about kids and still parties. I'm quiet and hate clubs, I only really want to travel like mad, get my degree, and settle down about 10yrs from now. We thought we'd work since neither of us wanted to settle. However, things like this make me wonder...thank you for showing me some light.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 To be perfectly honest, this is where age gaps show their problems.
You are just turning 19 - you want to party, get drunk, enjoy yourself, probably clubbing and the like? Its been a while since I was 19, so I dont know. I am 27, and I know that I could never date a 19 year old. The differences in life outlook are just too great. In the 8 years since I was 19, I have grown, and matured SO much, and I want very different things. And yes, Birthdays are no longer SO important, where you HAVE to do something exciting or else it is a horrific failure.
I feel that you would probably be better off dating someone closer to your own age, who WANTS to enjoy the things you do at the moment, and wants to experience similar things, with a similar expectation of life at the moment. You and he are at very different places in your life. He will be looking to settle down - mid 30's, house, job, mortgage, bills, marriage, children. He has probably done the education thing, done the partying and excessive socialising thing, he is moving into middle age. You, on the other hand have experienced very little, and you WILL want to experience these things. Do you want to do it with someone who has already done it, and doesnt really show any interest?
A 33 year old man, will have very different feelings about life in general. He has been there, done it, got the Tshirt. He probably doesnt want to do it again.
He was 19, when you were 4. How much have you grown in those years? How much have you learnt and experienced? Would you want to go back and do what you were doing at 12 or 13 now? Probably not. This is exactly the same as him. The growth between 18 and 30 is MASSIVE in so many ways. You change as a person, in your beliefs, in your outlook, and what you want.
SO what if he doesnt want to celebrate with you. GO out with your best friends, have a fantastic time. You do not NEED him to have a good birthday.
Move on, find someone who deserves you and who wants to go thru the journey with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering, everyone. I feel very down right now but, I will make every effort to enjoy myself. This guy, I guess, is not as great as I thought. And at 33, I foolishly expected him to have more maturity and consideration. But, that's life right? You live, you get hurt and you learn so finally, happiness can be found someday.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (28 October 2010):
You hint that your boyfriend is much older than you? Perhaps that could have something to do with it. As you get older, birthdays dont mean so much.
I do think this could be a symptom of a more underlying problem tho. Do you think he is being distant in any other way? Or just this one?
It is uncaring - could he have forgotten it was your birthday and made plans for that day without thinking? Then cant back out? Ask him if he will take you out for your birthday on another night.
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A
female
reader, sizzling1  +, writes (28 October 2010):
no there's nothing wrong with u feeling hurt by his insensitivity..he probably wants out but has chosen to show, rather than tell you. you need to move on and have yourself a really wonderful time on your birthday..with your friends..goodluck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): I would be very upset with my bf if he didnt choose to spend my birthday with me, no matter how old i was turning.
Tell him how you feel. If he has a "dont care" attitude, give him some time without you and see how possibly losing you feels to him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 October 2010):
I would look at your relationship as a whole and really see whether he cares about you that much. To choose not to spend your birthday with you is an immature and pretty uncaring attitude really. Kind of shows that he's not really ready for a relationship, and more interested in his friends.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 You are not stupid to feel this way, what you feel, you feel and you cannot force yourself not to feel something.
If he is your boyfriend, does he not wish for you to be happy with him? Otherwise what is the point of this relationship? What is there to gain other than a warm body to hold and kiss? See what happens and make him see that you want to be with him.
I hope that helps.
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