| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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She was pressured into doing something with another guy, should I end it or stay?
Q. my girlfriend was pressured in to sucking another boy's d**k, she lied to me when i asked about it but she has now told me the truth and i dont know what to do. shoud i end it or stay?...
A. 10 November 2010: Err, no. Her cutting her wrists proves that she needs psychological help. In no way at all does it prove she loves you. ... (read in full...)
My 15 year old niece is pregnant, her mother does not know
Q. Dear Reader I have a huge problem, my 15 year old niece has just told me she is 1mth 4days pregnant. My sister does not know, my niece told me she wants to keep the baby, i have tried to persuade her to tell her mother first. i have also advis...
A. 9 November 2010: You set a fair deadline, and you've given a good reason that it should be kept quiet for a week until your niece has done her exams. She should be the one to tell her mother, and she should do it in her own time when she is ready. A week is a good ... (read in full...)
This guy is zoning in on my boyfriend!
Q. Last night me and my boyfriend got into a really big argument. It started about this guy who fancy’s my boyfriend and saying stuff like ‘hey u sexy thing’ … I got a little annoyed as obviously I didn’t want other people talking to him like that and ...
A. 9 November 2010: Unless your boyfriend is gay, I don't see what problem there is here at all. Also, why are you so quick to doubt your boyfriend? You say you trust your boyfriend, yet there you were in a huge argument, and now you're worried about this other guy ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend kissed another girl, now I want to hurt him, am I wrong?
Q. I need advice regarding my boyfriend we have been together for a year and half and i still cannot get over him wanting to kiss another girl when we was together for a few months he has changed so much and loves me but i still want to hurt him so ...
A. 9 November 2010: You want to ruin your boyfriend's life over what? A thought? He didn't cheat according to your post. He didn't do anything. Don't you think that you are seriously overreacting?... (read in full...)
Is confidence really important to guys?
Q. Hey, just a quick question, is confidence really important to guys? Cause i've heard that guys are more attracted to confident girls, but im really shy and I haven't had a boyfriend in ages. How can i be more confident around guys? And is confidence ...
A. 9 November 2010: It's pretty important, to be honest. But being shy doesn't necessarily mean you lack confidence. See, most guys understand that a girl can be shy. We'll let that slide in the hope you will open up. And if you become more at easy, you'll naturally ... (read in full...)
My wife's been going out with her ex!
Q. Well I guess my story is not much different than so many on these forums. It is somewhat comforting but also depressing how much of this goes on. Here is my story...my wife of just over a year, recently admitted to me that she was still seeing a g...
A. 9 November 2010: Why did she go back? That's something you need to find out through counselling. That's exactly why you and her need to go to counselling. We don't know why she went back. Maybe she went back to see if he changed. Maybe she's still attracted to him. ... (read in full...)
She was pressured into doing something with another guy, should I end it or stay?
Q. my girlfriend was pressured in to sucking another boy's d**k, she lied to me when i asked about it but she has now told me the truth and i dont know what to do. shoud i end it or stay?...
A. 9 November 2010: End it. If she had truly been forced, she could have gone to the police. She was not forced. She chose to do it of her own free will. Don't by her lies, my friend. A girl like this is not worth your time. She's just a lying cheat, and she's trying ... (read in full...)
He's not showing much effort, should I ignore him to get his attention?
Q. I've been getting to know this guy for about 7 months now..were not in a commited relationship, we are just dating. However latley he's has not been calling me as often or showing me the sweet affection I'm use to. I'm big on communication, so I ...
A. 9 November 2010: I've often wondered where women get this idea from. Ignoring a man won't make him come running, if he wasn't willing to run in the first place. Also, you're no longer contacting him. You're waiting for him to come to you. So you seem to be happy to ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend said she was pregnant but she lied
Q. My gf is giving me hrt attack, she said she is pregnant just bcos the condom broke when we were havin sex. But after 3 weeks i found out she was lieyin. What should i do? Is it a sign that she wants to break up? And should i leave her ...
A. 9 November 2010: To be honest, if she was lying, I'd run a mile. She may have thought she was pregnant and maybe she made a mistake. But if she said she was pregnant and lied about it, just run.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend trying to get me pregnant?
Q. So I got the birth control shot and the doc told me I had 2 wait a wk. My bf was happy cause we agreed we didn't want any accidents especially when Im younger than him (not ready) and he said he doesnt want kids. I told him, you cant cum inside me. ...
A. 9 November 2010: No, he doesn't want kids. Instead, he's being a stupid man and is relying on you to take the protection. I an assure you that this is the sort of guy who will run a mile in panic if you get pregnant. I would think twice about this relationship. You ... (read in full...)
22 year old lesbian in love with 40 year old married straight woman
Q. So here goes,im a 22 yr. old lesbian,crushing (in love) with the mother of a former student who attends the daycare which i worked at. She is 40 yrs. old ,married, and straight (as far as i know). We've gone out outside of a school function. She's ...
A. 9 November 2010: You need to sit down and think logically, rather than with feeling. Because, right now, you're treading down the wrong road and you'll end up hurt one way or another.
First of all, this woman is married. So, if anything happened, you'd be apar... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has broken my trust....
Q. Hi everyone. I am hurting at the moment. My boyfriend has broken my trust and has done the worst thing anyone could ever do to me. I though he was a good guy. I told him about my past sexual abuse by father and he told his family about it. I can ...
A. 9 November 2010: Also at the risk of seeming like a jerk, I have to agree with the post below.
A few years ago, a friend of mine told me she had been raped. She made me promise not to tell anyone. The problem is that the burden of carrying something like that is h... (read in full...)
Is it a real possibility that someone has set up a fake facebook account under my name and is messaging my ex? I'm sure there must be a reason why she hasn't called!
Q. hello all my LDR ex gf broke up with me a year ago. i havent heard a squeak from her since then and wish to get closure at least once in life. i am getting crazy thoughts regarding why havent she contacted as we were so close once upon a time.i k...
A. 9 November 2010: I personally think that you're reading too much into this. I don't think anyone has set up another account. I think she ended things, and I think she has moved on and that's why she hasn't made contact. I don't see any reason as to why someone would ... (read in full...)
I am finding it hard to cope with my boyfriend being away so much, how can I change things?
Q. How can I change things? My boyfriend is in the military and sometimes needs to go away for operations for weeks at a time. It's always been like this since we met 8months ago. There seems to be a pattern that for 2-3weeks we see each other once a ...
A. 9 November 2010: The best thing I can suggest is that you speak to your boyfriend, and ask whether there are social events for wives and girlfriends of military employees. Most Regiments and such have social clubs for women and men just like you, who are feeling ... (read in full...)
I am finding it hard to cope with my boyfriend being away so much, how can I change things?
Q. How can I change things? My boyfriend is in the military and sometimes needs to go away for operations for weeks at a time. It's always been like this since we met 8months ago. There seems to be a pattern that for 2-3weeks we see each other once a ...
A. 9 November 2010: The best thing I can suggest is that you speak to your boyfriend, and ask whether there are social events for wives and girlfriends of military employees. Most Regiments and such have social clubs for women and men just like you, who are feeling ... (read in full...)
I think I'm falling for my professor!
Q. hi im looking for some real advice not just someone telling me im too young or lecturing me. so first off im 16 but have lived through enough my mentality is more like 25 most people think im 21 even. im in college this year and there's a professor ...
A. 9 November 2010: If you were genuinely mature, aged 25 in your head, then you would know that a teacher-student relationship is illegal, that he would get fired (which is something I'm hoping you don't want), and that if something did happen it would make him a sex ... (read in full...)
My lover is threatening to tell my wife everything and have me beaten up if I don't leave my wife for her!
Q. I have been having an on off affair for 3 years, and I just don't know what to do, I have a good wife I have been with since I was 17 and 3 beautiful daughters, the woman I am having an affair is loving and the sex is just fantastic.... but ...
A. 9 November 2010: Oh dear. You picked the original bunny boiler!
Basically, you need to tell your wife before she does. It's not about trying to lie or hide it all anymore. Now it's about damage control. And yes,your wife and daughters will not appreciate it in the ... (read in full...)
I think I screw with guys head's way too much! Help!
Q. I've been having a lot of commitment issues ever since me and my last boyfriend split up last July. I'm not sure if I'm settling for whats available and realizing it after it's too late and I break the poor kid's heart, or if I am just super picky ...
A. 9 November 2010: I also think you're confusing friends with lovers. I'm not sure how ready you are for dating, and I'm also not sure you're looking for men in the right places. I had a friend who was like you, and she'd cycled through many of my other friends. Even ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend so much, but she has broken up with me and won't let me help her with her depression!
Q. okay so me and my girlfreind have been on and off now for 2 years, she is the love of my life i care for her so so much. the reason we have been on and off is because she suffers with depression and when she gets it she thinks it is in both our ...
A. 8 November 2010: Realistically, you need to move on. You're obviously a nice guy, and you're doing the classic 'nice guy' thing, which is to take on someone with flaws that you think you can make right. You can't (trust me, I tried it once). The only person that can ... (read in full...)
He doesn't love me but wants to be with me?
Q. my boyfriend told me straight out he dosent love me but that he still wants to be with me. he said he dosent think he will ever love me but still wants our relationship to work. what do i do?...
A. 8 November 2010: You dump him. Why would you want to be second best all your life? What happens if another woman comes along and he leaves?
You're just setting yourself up for misery. What is the point in being with someone who doesn't love you at all? None at all,... (read in full...)
When is it love and when is it an obsession?
Q. When is it love and when is it an obsession? My boyfriend texts me up to 200 times a day (sometimes less although I think he does this because he is bored). He calls me first thing in the morning when he is still in bed. When he is at w...
A. 8 November 2010: He's truly obsessed and controlling, and to be honest this would scare the hell out of me. But he's controlling in a way that he never has to tell you what you wear, or what friends to be with. Instead, he just calls you, texts you, whatever. You ... (read in full...)
Should I contact him after hearing about the message he left for me?
Q. My ex boyfriend is now seeing a new girl. We had a very bad break up. Recently his sister told me he left her a voice mail by accident, he really meant to call ME. The voice mail said "he is sorry for everything, he cares about me, and hopes ...
A. 8 November 2010: His sister could be playing a huge trick here. Perhaps she doesn't like this new girl, so is trying to mess it up. Or perhaps she's trying to hurt you.
Either way, I think this is best left in the past. Unless he was single, and he contacted you ... (read in full...)
If he don't please me, should I have to please him?
Q. my boyfriend admitted that he only cares about his sexual plessure and that he isnt worried about me getting mine. witch explains why all this trying to convience him that i want more forplay isnt working. i tried to explain to him that the type of ...
A. 8 November 2010: The moment a relationship starts down the tit-for-tat route, it's done. To be fair, this isn't your fault. You have a every selfish boyfriend who seems to be into his own life and nothing else. I just don't see the point in keeping on with a guy who ... (read in full...)
Why did he stop calling me?
Q. I dated this man about four times, we didn't sleep together but we did really connect - or so I thought. He went to lots of effort wining and dining me and he always text the next day to say thanks for a nice night and how much he had enjoyed ...
A. 8 November 2010: I wouldn't make contact at all. I'm sure it wasn't you. I suspect that he may have been after sex, and little else. You went on a few dates, and then he didn't make contact. So, it's most likely he was out to use you.
Don't go after him looking for ... (read in full...)
My wife's been going out with her ex!
Q. Well I guess my story is not much different than so many on these forums. It is somewhat comforting but also depressing how much of this goes on. Here is my story...my wife of just over a year, recently admitted to me that she was still seeing a g...
A. 8 November 2010: This definitely isn't your fault. This is about a woman who has cruelly come into marriage knowing full well that she was not giving everything to you. She still had something for her ex, and you've been dragged into it.
So, now you have to sit ... (read in full...)
I no longer love him as anything more than a friend
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years so far, and to the outsider we look perfect together. We get little disagreements like all couples and we have an amazing sex life but I can't stay committed to him. Throughout those 3 years I have ...
A. 8 November 2010: To be honest, I don't think you really want to be with him at all. From what you're saying, you've never really loved him as more than a friend. The problem here is that you're not being tough. I think you're scared maybe of hurting him and losing ... (read in full...)
I am doing me...But I still wonder about relationships..
Q. I need some insight. I am usually single, haven't had any real serious boyfriends. I've had flings and casual relationships. Sometimes I feel like I'm ready to be in a relationship. It would be nice, but at the same time, I don't want to be one of ...
A. 6 November 2010: I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. I think the reason you feel smothered is because you're not really ready for a relationship, which you already seemed to know anyway.
You're probably one of the more sensible and realistic peop... (read in full...)
I've been seeing a married man for 7 years
Q. Hi All I am confussed about this married guy i have been seeing for 7yrs. no i shoudn't be doing this sort of thing yes i do know it's wrong but you can't help you fall in love with either. I donot expect this man to leave his wife there is no...
A. 6 November 2010: I do think you're kidding yourself.
A man in love is totally different to a man who just wants sex. Seriously, if a guy loves you, he will make it known, and he will do pretty much whatever it takes to make it that he can be with you. This idea... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he loves me, yet he was kissing my best friend
Q. I've been going out with this guy for a couple months, but I caught him cheating on me. Worse part is that it was my best friend I saw him with. He was kissing her, and just yesterday he told me he loved me. So much for that. But sadly, I still ...
A. 6 November 2010: Teenage boys can be extremely cruel and immature when they're at their worst. And some teenage girls can be blind to it.
I'm afraid that you've been taken in by both your boyfriend, who is a liar, who is cruel, and who has no real respect for you,... (read in full...)
She has not contacted me in 9 days, do I move on?
Q. i met a girl and fell for eachother straight away, she moved into my place and three months later got engaged. two days after the engagement she told me it was not working. she moved back home which is three hours away its been 9 days and still she ...
A. 6 November 2010: Nah, move on. Don't wait around anymore. I don't know exactly what happened, but this woman dumped you, offered no real explanation and didn't offer to talk to you about it, then moved out and hasn't been in contact. Even if she did come back, she'd ... (read in full...)
11 years older married man wants to have sex, is he just going to use me?
Q. Ok, I'm in a relationship but I have a frienship with an older man 11 yrs my senior anyhow he's married. It all started out as a friendship that developed into a much more intimate one, but the thing is he says he wants to bring it to the next ...
A. 5 November 2010: You can be sure that all he wants to do is use you. Blow him off. ... (read in full...)
It hurts when he says he just wants to be with his ex
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a widow and have started a new relationship with this gentalmen that persued me for about a month before I finally gave in. He acts like he really really cares about me. He is generous ,kind, attentive, calls almost everynig...
A. 5 November 2010: I'm with the others. You've already been through enough. You don't now need to be with an unreliable guy who's not over his ex. You need and deserve more than that. I think for your own sake you'd do better to end it now and move on. You don't need ... (read in full...)
How important are blow jobs in a relationship?
Q. Gentlemen, Guys, thank you for your time. Thesis research your age/months-years in relationship, please. On a scale of 1 to 10 how important are blowjobs in a serious relationship? Is it preferred to regular sex? Do you consider it an act of love ...
A. 4 November 2010: To some, they will be. To others, they won't. If you're a person who doesn't like giving them, then offer something else. You don't have to do them, and a man won't suddenly die or anything if he doesn't get one. ... (read in full...)
I judge my friend and her lack of morals. Does that make me a jerk?
Q. I know a girl who I became friends with. She works as a model and is staying here on a visa. I am in graphics and I made her a Web site for free as a favor. In the course of this Web site, I found out she has a past--and a present, too. Ab...
A. 4 November 2010: Forgot to say that I don't think you're a jerk. You're not.... (read in full...)
I judge my friend and her lack of morals. Does that make me a jerk?
Q. I know a girl who I became friends with. She works as a model and is staying here on a visa. I am in graphics and I made her a Web site for free as a favor. In the course of this Web site, I found out she has a past--and a present, too. Ab...
A. 4 November 2010: Sometimes what we learn about people can shock us. And as humans we can be quick to judge. There's nothing wrong with that, since everyone does it.
But you mentioned some things here that point to why this woman is the way she is. She's poor, and ... (read in full...)
After living together for 3 years he's going back to marry his cousin?
Q. Hi, I am a 40yr old lady, my partner is 28yrs old he is kurdish from Iraq. We have been together for 4yrs and living together as a couple for 3yrs. Last week i came home from work and he told me he was going back to kurdistan to marry his cousin who ...
A. 4 November 2010: I am 100% sure that you are not the only woman to go through this. There seems to be a rise in women in Britain marrying men or dating men from questionable backgrounds abroad, or being used by the same type of men. You're not even the only one on ... (read in full...)
He is abusive and neglectful, skips work and is attached to his computer. What kind of man is this?
Q. I have been with a man for close to 3 years after his divorce in 2008. He started to become violent but yet abusive in his own way towards me. I ignored all signs and continue the relationship. We moved in together and I began to see he was attached ...
A. 4 November 2010: A man you need to dump. He's obviously not there for the love or commitment. He's there for whatever he can get. I think you need to end it and find a guy who can offer you a lot more. And believe me, there are lot of other guys out there who are ... (read in full...)
He can't go one day without wanting sex from me, is my boyfriend of one year using me?
Q. my boyfriend always talks about sex and always wants it.. we cant even be alone without having sex for a day! we have been together for a little over a year. is he just with me for sex? i asked him and he said no and gave me reasons why he is not... ...
A. 4 November 2010: Unfortunately, he's a young man who's been let off the leash. And like most men who have been let off the leash, he just can't get enough of it. Whether your boyfriend is just there for the sex remains to be seen. I suggest you talk to him again, ... (read in full...)
If I meet up with my male friend (who I have no feelings for), will my boyfriend think it is ok to start meeting up with his ex's again?
Q. Basically. My boyfriend ruined my trust at the 1 year barrier as he had coffee with an ex without telling me, after about of month of telling me he didn't want to see her again, and me crying because he'd be texting her ALL the time. We had a big ...
A. 4 November 2010: I think you need to seriously look at your relationship. You're one year into it, and he's already been seeing ex's and not telling you about it and also had semi naked pictures of her on the computer. To be honest, I'm not sure that you should be ... (read in full...)
Watery bath???
Q. What does it do if you inject water in your ass? Can it be harmful?...
A. 4 November 2010: Yes, it can be harmful. You'll probably suffer a lot of pain, or worse still you can get a major infection or inflammation. Specifically, it could harm your prostate gland, or it can rupture the wall of your rectum.
Basically, don't do it.... (read in full...)
I can't put up with this abuse any more...
Q. Well me and my baby's dad been together for 5 years, and a little after a year he started throwing things at me, yelling at me, now its kicking me, socking me in the side of my head and at times he does it in front of our kids and he only does it if ...
A. 4 November 2010: Go home to your family, report this man to the police for domestics abuse and get yourself and your baby away from him. It's essential that you put your child and yourself first. You do not want your baby to end up with a dead mother and an abusive ... (read in full...)
Whats going on in his head?
Q. I need help im seeing this guy that i thought i liked untill he gave me mixed signals...one day hes showing affection towards me and always looks at me when talking and then the next day he has no interest in me only glances when i ask a ...
A. 4 November 2010: I'd bet that he's confused as well. The problem here is that rather than one of you just coming out and saying what you're feeling, you're both relying on all these hints and such. He may be as confused as you are. So, the time has come for you to ... (read in full...)
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