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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm 23 now and even since i can remember i've never been interested in having children, i mean, at all. Sometimes it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. Whenever i've been around friends or family and they're all fussing over one of their babies i'm just not interested and have to pretend that i am and just act like everyone else.When people start talking about their kids etc... i feel like i'm going to die of boredom. I've never felt like i want to settle down. I don't want to be single forever but i just don't want kids. The whole "white picket fence" thing to me would be a nightmare.Does anyone else feel this way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): Your not the only woman. There are many and I'm one of them too. Its not selfish and in fact, people who want children for their own enjoyment rather than that of the child are selfish. As you are young, at a different stage in your life, you may feel differently but even if you don't thats perfectly normal too. These days we are enlightened enough to let people have different family types.
Also many women who have kids and love their own kids couldn't be interested in other people's children but act interested to be polite.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): I am 44 years old. I do not have children--by my choice. I have known since I was 11 years old that I did not want to be a mother. I have been married twice--and both husbands agreed that we would not have children.
I have NEVER regretted my decision.
Not every woman wants to be a mother--and there's nothing wrong with recognizing that.
I think it would be wrong to conceive a child if you're not 100% committed to the idea of being a Mom. A child deserves to be loved, not tolerated.
Be YOU.
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female
reader, DenimandLace44  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 No obviously you arent alone. Its fine to be different! Its much better to be honest and not have kids if you dont want them, than to have them and resent them for "messing up your life"...
Some people dont ever change their minds, and some do. Either way, there are others in the same shoes. Enjoy life, live it to its fullest, you only get one chance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): i also feel this way, but i am 17. The picket fence thing i think a lot of people with half a brain cell don't like, its so boring and cloned. But i think when i'm older i probably will want kids, ovc i cant say for certain!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): I didn't want any for a long time. I got older, had a great career, got married and after several years of being a couple, we decided we wanted to share our happiness with a family. I always liked other people's kids and usually played with the kids at the family picnics, but never thought I would be a good enough mother or that I could push my own needs and wants aside for someone else. I have 2 kids now and it's been a very rewarding experience, but I won't lie: there are times when I want my old life back. When I was only responsible for me (and maybe another adult), when I could make plans on a dime and not have to worry about booking a sitter, or to have sex with my husband at 10 am on sunday without having little heads poke in... (yeah...time to put a lock on the door).
So you are not alone and you are not abnormal, but don't believe that this is how life will always be--things change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): I feel the same way... I'm also awkward around children and I don't care much about babies, and they all annoy me anyway... Truth is I'm not much of a people person, so it's only a little about their age but it's mostly just because they're people. :P Plus I wouldn't want someone relying on me for so much. It's intimidating. I also am hoping to get into a job that's extremely thought consuming, time consuming, and financially it won't be easy to get the education, so children are basically out of the question if my plans carry out.
It's probably just because of how we were raised, our genetics, etc. I don't think there's anything actually wrong with people like us but it's just another way that everyone is different.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): You're not alone hun. Lots of women feel that way.
I never gave children a though in my early twenties. My life revolved around work (corporate attorney) I loved that life, but then I met a guy and fell in love (as you do), five years later we got married and had three beautiful children. To be honest it was mostly because he really wanted them I would have been quite happy without children to be honest. Everything changes when you hold your child for the first time thought.
I'm now in my mid thirties, the kids are starting to grow up and I'm really happy with the way my life turned out. To be honest I still can't stand other peoples children, but my own I love more than I can ever describe in words...
So my advice is that you don't get too caught up in the whole thing. Take each day as it comes and if you change your mind down the line that's fine too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know what you mean about not knowing how to speak to children, i just don't know how lol i come across really formal like i'm talking to my boss and i can't bear "baby talk" eurgh.
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female
reader, Napalm_Angelripper  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 You are not alone. I feel the same way. I am lucky to find a man who also thinks the same way.
There's nothing wrong with us, it's just that we have different priorities than other people, and we have another idea of what our futures will look like.
Don't ever go buy the guidelines other people set out for you. Create your own. You only live once ... make the best of it!
-The Resident Metalhead
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (17 November 2010):
 I feel exactly the same way. My boyfriend wants kids some day, when we are done with grad school and married and have secure jobs, but I am constantly trying to subtly (or not so subtly) change his mind about it.
I just don't think I could ever have a baby and feel motherly love for it. I also don't think I could be happy making personal, career or financial sacrifices for it. I raised a German Shepherd, whom I love more than anything now, but I remember all the work involved when she was a puppy; I never had any time to myself and I was always worried about her. Imagine what it's like to have a baby! You NEVER get a break, you never get time off. It will ALWAYS need you, want to touch you, want to cry on you, 24/7. And then, once it's beaten you down with ceaseless demands, it will be a teenager, and it will hate you.
I also tend to see children as small adults and don't know how else to talk to them, so nothing I say seems to really get through. I don't know how to speak down to a child and maybe that's influencing my feelings. As far as I'm concerned, my childhood flew by and theirs will too; soon they will be competing for my job, cutting me off at stop signs in their mini-vans, and voting to lower school-related taxes. I don't find them 'cute'.
Maybe we are not all that common for not wanting children, but I have never felt awkward about letting people know. There are many, many people who have children and shouldn't; these are the people who should feel awkward. At least I can admit to myself and others I would make a bad mother. If anything, we should be applauded for recognizing the gravity and responsibility of raising another human life and then deciding we are not cut out for it. It's far better than getting ourselves knocked up before we can even afford it so we can 'accessorize' with a baby. If I had a child I would feel terrible telling it all throughout its life that I wish I could have given it more, if only I had waited, if only I was a better mother, and so forth. I'd want to be the best mom possible, but that's not going to happen.
I also often think, so much effort was put into raising me, so much money was spent on my college education, I've spent so much time and effort going through grad school. For what? To have a kid and start the cycle over? I want to DO things with my life! So, in short, yes, other women feel the same way you do, and to anyone who thinks I hate children, I don't. I love them just the same as I love anyone.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 November 2010):
There are a lot of people who feel that way. It may well change as you get older (some people in their mid thirties suddenly feel like they have to). But, right now, the best thing you can do is live your own life and have fun. Who cares what other people think. Your life, you do what you want. If children don't come along, and you're happy, then that's better than a child coming along that you don't want. Live your life, fuss over a friends child out of politeness, but don't believe you're alone. You're not. Plenty of people don't want children.
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