A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife is emotionally dead towards me. We have been married for 9 years and have a four year old child.We used to be very affectionate together, but now our sex life is non existent, she won't hug or hold me and we never kiss. If I try to, I am pushed away or an excuse is made why she can't engage with me.I have recently tried to have a discussion about it, but was told that it is all on her terms and why should I want to make her unhappy by forcing affection on her and that she does love me. I was given an ultimatum of live with or leave. Surely this is unfair and we should compromise. She is currently taking medication for sugar intolerance and has previously suffered with depression, but refuses to see anyone about it. I have even suggested marrital guidance, but that has fell on deaf ears.I was until, recently working full time, but did as much as I physically could around the house, ie put son to bed, tidying up, cooking twice a week, but that appears not to be enough, although she is currently a house wife.I have now given up work to study at university to retrain to be able to spend more time at home in the future, I am working 12 hours a week too to keep us financially afloat, but I feel that this change of course is pointless. My wife complains that she has nothing to look forward too, but I have uni and my job, but she says that she doesn't really want to work, yet she wants to go on holiday 2 or 3 times a year.I am currently in turmoil mentally, as I don't know what to do, I don't want to loose my son, or my wife if I can help it! Should I leave?
View related questions:
on holiday, sex life, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ivanichiaynus +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Does she show affection towarsds your son? If so, she has got what she wants out of you and now you are expendable.
Like the others say, your marriage is dead - go and find someone who values you.
Ivan.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 CaringGuy is spot on. You can't make this work alone.
Can you honestly see this turning around when she's asking you why should you want to make her unhappy by forcing affection on her. What a load of crap!
I'm curious... when did she stop caring? Was there an event or something you did that changed her or did this just happen gradually over the years?
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 November 2010):
There comes a point where you have to look at the so called 'big picture' and think without emotion. And you're at that point.
You have worked, you are trying to make a better life, you have tried to work around the house, and you've tried to talk to her. At no point has she tried to make any change at all. She hasn't seen anyone for depression, she's not making an effort to do counselling, and she's doing nothing other than moan about not having anything to look forward too, though will want to go on holiday.
In my opinion, this marriage is totally dead. Your wife just isn't in it at all. She's not doing anything to try to make this better. Instead, she moans, is depressed and even through in your face that you can stay or leave.
You can't make this work alone. She needs to do something here. And she won't, point blank. I think it's time to present the divorce papers and get out of there. I don't see how this can be fixed without her trying. And she just won't.
...............................
|
