A
female
age
41-50,
*reyCloud
writes:He thinks I don't trust him, and says a relationship without trust is nothing and so we are over. I'm devastated.I think I do trust him, but have been cautious along the way in case things don't work out. If I have a trust issue, it's not with him personally, it's because I've always been an insecure person.We've been together 18 months, lived together 12 months. I've been the happiest I've ever been in my life while being with him. He says I proved that I didn't trust him when we were going to buy a car, and I suggested it went in my name. The money is coming from my savings, and as he has lots of credit card debts I didn't want to take the risk of the credit card companies demanding he sold it to repay them. And maybe yes, in the back of my mind I thought that if we did split up, at least the car is in my name so I have not lost all that money.He says this proves I don't trust him - but does admit it doesn't make sense when he thinks of everything else I've done for him. But because of one thing he wants to walk away from it all.I know he's been hurt in the past by his ex's not trusting him. Maybe it's because he said why his ex's didn't trust him that made me wonder. He's not actually done anything to make me doubt him.He also feels let down because my dad doesn't trust him. But my dad never trusts anyone and is miserable s*d - that's not my fault though.I had terrible nightmares last night - told him this morning I felt that I was being abandoned. He says he still loves me, and isn't abandoning me - but still goes by his statement that a relationship without trust is not worth carrying on with. It makes me feel worthless.How can I show him I trust him?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 "He is my world and brings real meaning to being alive.
When I tell him that , he just replies he does not believe me ".
But, if you buy him a car, then he would believe you ? ...
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 November 2010):
If you buy the car with your own savings, why on earth should it not be in your name ? Whose name should be it in ?
His ?
And why exactly ?
Does he want you to give him the car as a gift ?... Why ?
Uhm...I don't want you put bad thoughts in your head, but often when people complain we don't trust them.... it's because they think that if we trusted them more, they could scam us more easily !
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 November 2010):
This isn't about you showing you trust him. It's about him showing he trusts you. He doesn't at all. You DO trust him, and there is nothing specific that shows you don't. At all. The car going in your name is perfectly logical since he has credit cards and debt, and since the money is yours. You've obviously been cautious, and that's not a bad thing. But if you look at this, it's HIM who isn't trusting you over the car. It's HIM who doesn't trust you to trust him.
If I were you'd I'd sit down and look VERY carefully at this relationship. It seems to me that this guy might be more trouble that he's worth.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Well, if you are paying for the car it certianly should be in your name. This is not a trust issue. Has he given you reasons not to trust him? Seems like you (and possibly him too) have insecurities beyond what has happened in your relationship. You both need to discuss these issues with each other and see if you can come to an understanding about how to trust eachother.
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A
female
reader, GreyCloud +, writes (17 November 2010):
GreyCloud is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnot that I'm aware of, I've said that unless he talks to me and explain how he feels how can I ever know.
There is a pattern in his life in that the parents of his partners never approved of him. Unfortunately, my father is the same. But my dad's like that, no man is good enough for his daughter. Also, I think my dad is a bit racist as my partner is from another country.
I moved to the other side of London to be with him, left my family and friends behind, changed jobs. I took a big step all because I have faith in us as a couple. Why does he feel that is not enough?
I think my boyfriend has low self-esteem, he feels second class and not worthy. But to me, he is my world and brings real meaning to being alive. When I tell him that he just replies that he doesn't believe me.
I just don't know what to do, but know that I can't give up.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 If its your money, why wouldn't the car be in your name? That's not a trust issue... that's just being sensible and logical.
It may have just been the straw that broke the camels back... are there more instances of mistrust that you're overlooking?
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