A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 3 years and with him for 11 years. Before we were engaged we both cheated on each other and dealt with it and Afterwards we got engaged. 4 years later we married and 2 1/2 years after our marriage he cheated with a girl he works with. Through a combination of him telling me and me finding out about it, we decided to work through it. It's now 3 months later and he slept with her again, twice actually, in our house while I was at work!!! I found out and I left with everything I own. The next day he tells me he wants to work through it, because the hardest thing he ever had to do was seeing me walk out that door. He stayed in the house for days, didn't want to talk to anyone but me. He told me that he never cared for and never loved the other woman and has never told that person the same. We started seeing a counsellor and are hoping to work through our issues. I want to know why this infidelity occured and I deserve a happy trusting marriage. Has anyone gone through a similar situation where you both come out on the other side more loving and happier people?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks phangi, I hope you're right, were going to go slow and at least my heart can't break again because it's already broken:( but the sun shines after the rain right?
A
male
reader, Phangi  +, writes (16 November 2010):
I think he loves you so much and he truely wanna be with you but the problem is he can't control himself around women, you should tell him that things that don't last always come with bad impact in life and future, it may not show now but someday it will and it may happen that he was try to change and change things but he couldn't because it was to late. The sooner the better. Work with him on this don't let him go through this alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for you're input. I appreciate it. He cheated on me 3 times in total through the duration of our relationship. He told me that she was always pushing herself at him during work, making him feel bad that he didn't love her back. He said on the nights she came over she was there for an hour total and he was uncomfortable with her there the while time. Which leads me to the next question of why he let her in the house the second time! He also told me that she wanted to come over a 3rd time but he told her no. When I asked why he did it he said that he was stupid and an idiot (which I agreed) and that he just wasn't thinking ! So I asked him what's stopping him from not thinking again in the future! He said it's different this time because he wants to work in our whole marriage and dig deep to why this happened. He told me that he never thought that he would be the kind of husband to cheat on his wife! We will just take it slow from here I guess , attend counseling and start dating again and see what happens after that !
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 November 2010):
Your husband is a pretty dreadful person to be honest.
Now, everyone will admit that you both cheating on each other earlier on in the relationship was out of order and wrong. But you both made a commitment to work through that, and put it behind you. You both seemingly worked through it, then got married.
But here, we are just 2 years later and he cheats again with a woman from work. He says he wants to work it through. Three months later, he's cheated AGAIN, TWICE, IN YOUR HOUSE, IN YOUR BED.
And all this after you both worked it through once, got married and with him cheating yet again and deciding to work it through.
I think it's a very brave and loyal decision of yours to try to work this through and understand where it went 'wrong'. But I also think that you're married to a compulsive cheat. 4 times in total, even though he said he'd work through it. Think VERY carefully as to whether you want to continue with this, because I'm not sure he can change.
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