A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been with this girl on and off for 12 years. We never have been together for 2yrs without breaking up until she got pregnant with my 2 yr old son. She had at least 40+ sex partners before me and during our break ups. She now change her views on being promiscuous and wants to marry me. The problems is she hasn't been very sexual with me for the last 7 yrs. She's never in the mood. Before the baby the reason was me cheating, but she cheated as well. Then it was her hormones because of her depo shot. Now it's the baby. But her reason for being slutty all those yrs is because she always wanted someone new, even during our beakups. I feel like she had sex so much with so many that she no longer have a sex drive. So now I'm stuck with no sexual benefits. She wants to get married. I'm confused.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): First off, don't marry without a long period of premarital counseling.
Secondly, she may need individual counseling.
Thirdly, successful marriages do come out of this type of situation, but not without great effort, kindness, love, patience, and lots of support for each other.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Caring Guy for the response. Communicating is definitely been bad on her part for years. But I have sat down & expressed my concerns. It seems as if she's trying to communicate more. She tells me that the problem is her and it's her labido. I guess she wants to take pills to boost it. But I like your point about her not wanting to be seen as a bad girl with me so she avoids sex. Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 November 2010):
To be honest, I don't think it's a good idea for you two to stay together. Her having sex with all those guys is actually the least of your problems. Often, you'll find that a woman who's been a 'bad girl' outside a relationship will turn into a 'good girl' within a relationship because there is a serious emotional connection. (A woman doesn't necessarily want to be seen as the bad girl by the man she really loves). I think that's what happened here. She was a bit of a bad girl, met you then didn't want to be like that so she avoids sex within the relationship.
The problem is everything else in this relationship. First of all, for the past 12 years, you two have been on/off. That's bad. That means you two are simply not communicating properly. Then there's the fact that you've both cheated at some point, and one of you is pointing fingers at the other about it. Then there's the lack of sex, and now that's getting to you. And finally she wants marriage, whilst you are hesitant.
This sounds like something that will go wrong very quickly if you continue. I think you have two options here. The first is to it down one final time and explain that the lack of sex is now affecting the relationship. Don't bring her past into it, don't bring anything into it. Just explain that you are worried about the lack of sex, and you need to be making that right before you can make any other commitment. The other option is to end the relationship, this time permanently,.
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