| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I'm afraid of the responsibility that comes with turning 18!
Q. I am 17 years old but I am scared of turning 18 because i feel like i will "officially" be legal and thats just too much. Not just the whole sex thing but the responsibilities that come with it. Any advice?...
A. 29 November 2010: As actor James Cagney once said "Say what you believe, and believe what you say."
That pretty much sums it all up. Be honest, be a good person, work hard and listen. You don't have anything to worry about until you start to rebel, or you come off ... (read in full...)
I asked boyfriend if he loved me. He paused and then said yes. What does the pause mean?
Q. I am with my boyfriend for 10 years. A couple of days ago I was in conversation with him. And we were discussing our relationship and I asked him whether he loves me or not.( WE were not quarreling or I did not push him for an answer, It was just a ...
A. 29 November 2010: I doubt it means anything. It probably means that he thought about it carefully. That's a good thing. Better than him suddenly saying 'yes' and not meaning it.... (read in full...)
Should I let ex know where I'm going?
Q. Well my ex and I just recently broken up and I've decided that I need to go NC. She's already in a new relationship with somebody else and it's only been a week. Hearing this news has been very tough. But I realize that going NC is the best solution ...
A. 29 November 2010: It's not worth telling her. What are you looking for by doing it? She's already got another boyfriend already, so it's clear she's moved on. You just carry on and get away from her. Her knowing where you are is no longer any of her business.
G... (read in full...)
Wife has cheated on me twice, I'm struggling to take her back
Q. I met my wife when we were both 19 which was 16 years ago. We were together happily for about 6 years and then one night my wife got drunk and kissed my best friend in front of me. I think I battled with that for a while but we worked through ...
A. 28 November 2010: I genuinely admire that you took her back after she kissed your friend, and took her back after she had an affair first time around. And I admire that you're thinking about it again, because it proves you're a decent guy.
But I'm not sure she'... (read in full...)
Tiny bit of a tummy and I hate it!
Q. I'm 15 years old, 5'5 and 108 pounds. I know I'm not technically obese, but I have a tiny bit of a tummy, and I used to not have any, and I absolutely loathe it. When I sit down i feel self conscious about it b/c i can feel it and its nasty. ...
A. 28 November 2010: The problem with teenagers is that they have this perception that their bodies are supposed to be perfect, when in fact they're still growing.
Your body is still growing, it's still turning from a child's body into an adult one. Women espe... (read in full...)
How can I meet my online guy safely?
Q. The guy im dating lives overseas and im dating him online, we talk for hours everyday and he finally wants me to come see him in england. Im 19 and hes 21 i Know this could potentially be dangerous but i also know that it might not be. so how do i ...
A. 28 November 2010: You need to let people know that you're going, specifically to meet a man. And you probably need to tell someone who that man is. You also need to book into a hotel that has a good reputation, and ALWAYS meet this man in public places.
B... (read in full...)
How can I be with her when she's carrying another man's child?
Q. My ex and I were really close, together for 2 yrsa. Lived together...even have a beautiful baby together (1yr old). About 9 months ago we got into a huge fight and I never went back home....she said sorry (as usual) but this time I didn't want to go ...
A. 28 November 2010: If you two couldn't make it work when you were together with one child, there is no way that you two will make it work now when she's pregnant with another baby by someone else.
It seems to me that this relationship just won't work out. You've even... (read in full...)
He doesn't like me yet we came close to having sex
Q. I need some advice on how to get ovr this guy I really like. He says he doesn't like me, yet we have made out before and was very close to sex. I am tired of feeling hurt around him. I see him at school everday, but next semester he is moving. ...
A. 28 November 2010: You'd be better to stop seeing him now. Apart from you being too young for sex, it's not like he's offering you anymore than that. And the last thing you need is to be used by him. so, my suggestion is that you start to pull away from him now, so ... (read in full...)
He's betrayed my trust by going on facebook to another girl!
Q. Me and this guy were not officially a couple but have been very close for a number of months and were planning to be together once we'd tied up a few loose ends, like he was still living with his ex partner etc. However, me being nosey and insecure ...
A. 27 November 2010: This is already a bad sign. Before you've even gotten together, you've been insecure and nosey and checked his facebook. And you've already found something you don't like.
At the same time, there are issues such as him living with his ex (Why... (read in full...)
I'm 28 and no girl in my life, am I normal?
Q. Dear All, I just wanted to know one thing is it normal not to have a woman in life even when you turn 28. I must am not that bad looking (not to say that it makes any difference). It’s a fact that never had girlfriend. I must admit I do get attr...
A. 27 November 2010: Sounds like you're blowing things out of proportion. I bet you weren't worried at all, until your parents decided to get worried. You're a good guy, you work hard, you're a decent guy. And people have told you that, so you know there's nothing ... (read in full...)
Ex keeps up with me, does this mean he still cares?
Q. Was with my ex for five years, he keeps in regular contact via IM. He ended the relationship. I then deleted him off my contacts as I was finding it too difficult. He always answers my calls and texts back when I contact him. When we bump into each ...
A. 27 November 2010: It sounds like he cares as a friend, but not much more. The truth is, the only way you'll find out whether he cares is to ask. Maybe he does, and maybe he wants to get back. At the same time, maybe he is just a friend now. Like I say though, it ... (read in full...)
Does ignoring her work to get her to miss me?
Q. Me and my ex girlfriend are going through a time where she wants time to think about getting back together however she is so indecisive and cannot decide and everytime I bring it up she always finds problems with giving it another go even though she ...
A. 27 November 2010: Ignoring her won't work. It will drive her away. To be honest though, I'm not sure that's such a bad thing. If she's this indecisive, then realistically she can't care about your enough. This sounds like a case of a girl who has moved on, but ... (read in full...)
I giggled while fooling around!
Q. I'm a little worried. My "friend" and I were fooling around for the first time, and he loved to play with my breasts. They aren't very sensitive (he knows this), and so I just liked watching his reaction to them. I couldn't help but giggle at him. ...
A. 27 November 2010: I'd be surprised if he even noticed, given that his mind was elsewhere at the time. And even if he did, it wasn't bad. He probably liked it. ... (read in full...)
I need a man's take on this, what are the most important characteristics of a good woman?
Q. What are the most important characteristics in a good woman, girlfrien and/or wife? I am really trying to become a better woman and would like a mans take. Thank you!!!!...
A. 27 November 2010: My list is short - honesty, loyalty and confidence.
It maybe takes a long time to get those right, especially the confidence. But when a woman does get them right, she becomes infinitely more interesting that someone who's a liar, or someone who ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with me for not wishing to partake in sex anymore?
Q. Hi, I am 38 years and I love my partner but i am not at all intersted in sex anymore at all. This started when my second child was born which was bout 6 years ago. I am not sure whther somethinh is wrong with me or what, Thanks....
A. 27 November 2010: If it specifically started when you had your second child, then it could be a medical issue. Or, maybe you're just not feeling confident so much anymore. Or, maybe you're just tired. Whatever the reason, it's probably worth talking to your doctor ... (read in full...)
Abnormal acting teacher?
Q. I have this teacher and lately he's been acting abnormal towards me. I was staying after school and he came up to my desk in his chair and after he is done explain the concept of the question, he turned his head and looked at me, so i turned ...
A. 27 November 2010: He was waiting for an answer. Nothing more.... (read in full...)
I cheated and lost my virginity and don't feel guilty or don't feel I need to tell my boyfriend
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for two years and two months. The most we've ever gone is oral. This summer, I met this guy, who's 21 and he's five years older than me. Ever since we've been talking nonstop, basically I've been cheating on my ...
A. 27 November 2010: If you don't feel guilty, and you don't feel the urge to tell your boyfriend, and you've been talking to this other guy for a while, then your relationship with your boyfriend is over. You're still young, and you would do far better to let your ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend cheated and I am pissed!
Q. my girl friend told me awhile ago that she cheated on me twice with two diff. people.. she cried alot and i cud tell she fells really bad about it but im pissed. we had minor problems things that cud of been fixed but she chose to cheat...at the ...
A. 27 November 2010: See, if had been once, maybe I could have said it was worth a shot. But it was with two different people. And that makes this more difficult. Her reaction suggests that she actually is sorry, but then I've seen people cry before and it's all be a ... (read in full...)
Does she just see me as a fling?
Q. well ive been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now, and i asked her last night about her thoughts on a relationship. and she said she wasnt ready yet, so to make things more clearer i asked if she was even interested in having one, and she said ...
A. 27 November 2010: It's simply too soon to tell. You've only been dating for three weeks, and once before that you ditched her for another girl. So naturally she will want to be very careful that you don't hurt her.
You've just got to take time. She doesn't soun... (read in full...)
How to ask out your older friend?
Q. Hi, I have a really good friend and she is 4 years older. We both really like each other although we haven't told each other directly. I'm 90% sure that she likes me and I definitely like her. I just don't know how to tell her or ask her out. Please ...
A. 26 November 2010: Realistically, at your age at the moment, this probably won't happen. You're 13-15, which means she's 16-19. For her own safety (in terms of underage sex etc), she wouldn't really be able to go out with you. So, at this time, I'm afraid it's a case ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend refuses to let his ex-wife move out!
Q. I've been dating a guy who's recently divorced. He still lives with his ex and has no plans for her to move out because he cannot afford the mortgage on his own. I'm not an option at the moment for various reasons and he refuses to sell the house at ...
A. 26 November 2010: If there was ever a time to dump someone, this is it. I understand that he doesn't want to sell, but both of them appear to be stalling, and this could literally take years to sort out, by which time you will have gone mad from waiting around. I ... (read in full...)
Do I come between him and his girlfriend, or do I keep it to myself?
Q. I got chatting to this boy online a few months back we got really close and we met up a few times. I wanted to go out with him until he said that he had met this girl out downtown, he's now still in a relationship with her. I saw him today and got ...
A. 26 November 2010: I'm with the post below. He had his chance, he failed to take it. Don't waste any time on him. ... (read in full...)
We split up for 4 hours and he's already emailing girls for sex!
Q. me and my boyfriend have had alot of breakups. usually he leaves me, and we only stay broke up for a day or so, yea i know..immmature of us. anyways, yesterday we had another fight and i broke up with him for a short 4 hours. i took my stuff with ...
A. 26 November 2010: There is no relationship. It's just two people who exist. Nothing more. On/off relationships never work out, and all you two do is break up. Even if it's just for a day, there is clearly nothing here between you two. And given that within a matter ... (read in full...)
Met someone else on holiday, and now I don't love my boyfriend as much anymore even though I cut off contact with the other guy!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months. I went on holiday and met this other boy and when i got back of holiday we were texting and he told me he liked me and i liked him too! So i stopped texting him because of my boyfriend and now i ...
A. 26 November 2010: If at just 5 months you've already felt like this about another guy, realistically, your relationship won't last. How long until another guy comes along that you like? I respect that fact that you cut contact with the other guy for the sake of your ... (read in full...)
He wants another chance but I am scared that history will repeat itself!
Q. i had a boyfriend whom i dated for two years and we broke up twice and heard he even has this new girl but now he keeps calling asking for another chance, still have feelings for him but i am scared he will repeat the same mistake, what do i do?...
A. 26 November 2010: He already broke up with you twice before, and seems to have a new girl. He WILL hurt you again, so don't give him another chance. He's not worth it.... (read in full...)
Husband got girl pregnant twice!!
Q. What would u do if your husband had 1 baby while yall was not together and you let him come back home and you find out he got another one on the way by the same girl...
A. 26 November 2010: Divorce him. No more forgiving, no more chances. Just divorce him.... (read in full...)
I'm starting to feel like a paranoid psycho!!! Help!
Q. Hi this is my first time using this and i stumbled on it looking for some answers to how i'v been feeling, to sum it up im currently feeling a bit like that song by katie melua closest thing to crazy!! Basically ive been with my boyfriend for almost ...
A. 26 November 2010: As the other posts say, there are signs that he is cheating. I'd confront him.... (read in full...)
I want my ex to get over me, should I tell her about my new girl?
Q. There's this girl that I love and she love me but she doesn't tell me and she put more into this other chap when I chased her and decided to be with him.I know she loves me because everytime I have better days with another girl and am happy again ...
A. 26 November 2010: I don't think she does love you. This is another case of a person who just doesn't want you to move on. It's very simple really. You tell her that you're with another girl, and that you're over her and don't' want any more contact. It's not about ... (read in full...)
He doesn't see me as anything other than a friend
Q. So it's the typical situation of a girl falling in love with a friend. Except he doesn't see her as anything other than a friend. And the biggest problem is that girl is me. I met this guy a few months ago when we started working together, and I ...
A. 26 November 2010: You probably do need to tell him how you feel. If you don't, you'll regret it and not be able to move on. Even if it ultimately risks the friendship, it's worth it. As long as you're in love with him, you'll never be able to have a working ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend keeps a sweater from a guy who tried to kiss her, is this a problem?
Q. if my girlfriend is keeping a sweater from a guy who tried to kiss her and brought a lot of drama for her? To cut the story short, there was a guy who tried to kiss her and people accused her of cheating on me and it was stressing her out and giving ...
A. 26 November 2010: Half of me wants to say that this isn't a big deal at all, that it doesn't matter. After all, it's just a sweater, and it sounds like it shouldn't matter.
Yet, I have a feeling that there is more to this. I really do. Not because of the swea... (read in full...)
B/f wants a room he can fill with pictures of naked women!
Q. Girls (or boys can answer too i guess to give your side) How do you feel about the fact your bf/fiance/husband has or wants a room to be his (like a games room) and have it filled with pictures of naked women??? I was just talkin to my bf and...
A. 26 November 2010: A room for pictures of naked women? At his age? And in a committed relationship? I'm not sure where this guy's head is at. Most guys look at porn at some point. But I don't think there are many grown up guys who seriously have a room in a house for ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend said it wasn't him on facebook
Q. I have a boyfriend of 5 months and I love him soo much. We're both 17 and he is my first boyfriend ever. Yesterday I logged in his facebook account (we both have each other's password) and saw a conversation of him with this other girl from school ...
A. 26 November 2010: When he said you were overreacting, and claimed you were stupid, that was his final admission of guilt. He just tries to belittle you to feel big.
He's guilty. Worse, he's been found out and is throwing it in your face. Worse than that, he's stup... (read in full...)
Girlfriend and I fighting because I used to be involved with guys
Q. Hey. I've a girlfriend and we've been together for almost 5 months now. Recently, we fight alot. Thats because she cant stop talking about my past. I used to date guys and even done 'it' with them. But like I said, thats my past and I promised my ...
A. 26 November 2010: This is beyond you just having been with guys in the past. This is about her, and it's her problem. She clearly has a huge lack of trust in you, and she's becoming far too controlling. At 5 months, she should not be like this. It's totally ... (read in full...)
Husband doesn't want children and I think I might be pregnant!
Q. My husband and I have been happily married for 5 years, I'm a teacher and he works as a Physical Trainer for pediatrics hospital, as you can imagine we are both great with kids ... My husband said he doesn't want any children, which is heartbr...
A. 26 November 2010: This, sadly, was a disaster waiting to happen. He was clear that he didn't want children, you were clear that you did. At some point, this was going to go badly.
First, find out whether you're pregnant or not for sure. You need to know for sure... (read in full...)
My 25 year old wife hates sex... why????
Q. My wife and I have been married over a year and it gets worse everyday. I'm 24 and she is 25. For the first year she never liked sex. Now she won't let me touch her, kiss her, hug her, and she is mean. During sex, she rushes me, tells me to ...
A. 26 November 2010: You've got to talk to her (and clearly not mention the comparison between her and a 90 year old woman). Only she knows what the problem is, and since she's married to you, she really does need to her reasons with you. It could be that this is a side ... (read in full...)
Problems staying hard
Q. Here goes... Im 18 years old with a girlfriend who i really do love. Whenever we are gonna have sex we both know it because its only when she is at my house. My problem is I always lose my erection when we are about to do it. I will be laying n...
A. 26 November 2010: You need to relax. The problem is that you're not relaxed about it, and you're not becoming frustrated, which in turn is doing nothing to help you relax.
spend more time on foreplay and just having fun with your girlfriend, then you'll be more rela... (read in full...)
He wont take his medication and it is ruining our relationship! Should I leave him for good?
Q. My boyfriend has bipolar disorder which makes him have over the top up and down moods. He refuses to take the tablets he should be taking. He loses his temper over the slightest thing. We get into huge arguments in which he throws stuff and blames ...
A. 25 November 2010: For your own sake, it would be better to leave. You can't have a relationship like this. You might be miserable for a while, but it's better than being miserable for the rest of your life.
As the others say, he could change his medication. But I ha... (read in full...)
How long do men stay horny?
Q. I'm 17 and i'm currently dating someone. when we're together, he tells me that he's horny and the next day, the feelings stay the same. How long do boys stay horny?...
A. 25 November 2010: All the time. But as chigirl says, if he's telling you all the time, then maybe all he wants is sex. ... (read in full...)
Is denial of conjugal relations a form of cruelty?
Q. After 11 years of marriage, which included conjugal relations, my wife said she no longer wanted to have sex with me. She said I could mssturbate to meet my sexual needs. My choices were to find a eexual partner outside of the marriage or remain in ...
A. 25 November 2010: I believe that it can be a reason for divorce, but I would doubt that it could be considered an act of cruelty. ... (read in full...)
Does he love me as much as he does his child?
Q. Please help me understand. I'm 20 years old and i'm wondering about things in general to do with parent-child relationships. I read on here yesterday that its a diff kind of love and you often see on here parents write that their children are the...
A. 25 November 2010: You have to understand that you and his daughter are totally different people. You can't compare the way he feels love to you to the way he loves his daughter. He loves her as a child, he loves you as a partner. You're not second best. You're his ... (read in full...)
Is it illegal for them not to pay me even though I've worked every weekend for the past five weeks?
Q. Hi agony's :) im looking for abit of help/advice on my job problem. ok so i live in the UK and ive recently acquired a christmas temp job. they needed certain ID from me, i gave them my birth certificat (the small one - the only one i have) and ...
A. 25 November 2010: Or these people
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
They offer free advice on things like this too. You'll be able to make an appointment to see them.
Hopefully this will just be a misunderstanding, but clearly it needs to be sorted.
... (read in full...)
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