A
female
age
41-50,
*ruffles74
writes:if you met someone online and made your account inactive when things progress between you both is it classed as cheating if you go back online and re-activate your account and look at other profiles without the other persons knowledge? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): did it hurt your feelings? if the answer is yes.. honor your heart. is he honestly worthwhile? if he's looking elsewhere,his dominant thoughts and heart are not with you.
A
female
reader, truffles74 +, writes (15 November 2010):
truffles74 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank everyone on here for their comments as it has helped me so much..
I have learnt a huge lesson from this situation and wont be as trusting next time and have gone off the dating site completely.
the man I met has been in contact with me wanting to be friends and said he is hoping for something more which has made me laugh because hes back online again and begging me for a second chance.. MEN!! he is not worthy of me or my friendship and im moving on :-)
thanks again to all of the beautiful people that have helped me through this situation xxxxx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 November 2010):
I would suggest to you that this guy you've met isn't all he's cracked up to be. If you're agreed you were both exclusive, and deactivated your accounts on the idea you didn't want to meet anyone else, then he's overstepped the line.
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A
female
reader, truffles74 +, writes (14 November 2010):
truffles74 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was the man I met not me.. we had decided that we didnt want to meet anyone else and were happy to be exclusive and see what would come of it..
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 Technically no, but if you're happy with what you got then why browse some more? Sounds like you're not happy with what you got and are looking for a back up plan.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): You haven't said if you've done this or it's someone you know, or if it's just hypothetical so...hypothetically speaking, I'd be well pissed off if I found out someone I was going out with had re-activated their account. It would show they were still looking. If they were happy and serious about the current relationship I don't think they would be doing this, no matter what defence they gave.
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A
female
reader, Merilee  +, writes (13 November 2010):
I look at it this way. Is this something that you hide from your partner, or is it something that you do in front of him ?
Anything that you have to hide, or feel ashamed of doing in front of your partner is essencialy cheating. Because you are not being honest.
There are many partners out there with open relationships, looking for 3 somes. So they adventure together, they dont hide it ... So are you hiding it ?
The answer to your question .. is in the answer to that question.
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (13 November 2010):
 Come on, I think people are hypersensitive about what constitutes cheating these days. You are, in every way, in an unofficial relationship with this guy. You are not engaged. You are not married. I gather you are not yet living together, lending each other large amounts of money or making the kind of plans and sacrifices that a husband and wife must make. Until you two have verbally committed yourselves to a future together (perhaps by proposing marriage) you have every right to LOOK at what else is out there before you make the leap. However, you must always be honest with your partner about what you are doing, and if you decide you want to see someone else, you play fair and break it off with your current partner first. Keep your relationships honest, but don't sell yourself short, like many people do, by blinding yourself to other men once you're in a relationship. It's not not like you've known this guy for years; you're still checking him out and seeing how compatible you two are. Why should you take yourself entirely out of the game for a virtual stranger? Life goes by too quickly for such sacrifices; you don't want to end up alone or settling with the wrong guy because you've left yourself no options, right?
It is my opinion that, in the US at least, relationships are taken far too seriously far too early. You do yourself a disservice by acting as if you're married to someone you've really only just started seeing. The 'don't look' and 'don't talk to others/have friends of the opposite sex' rules both blind you to other choices that may be better for you and create the illusion of permanency to your relationship. So what is really changing when you become engaged or married? Nothing. The expectations are not new because they've been there (unrealistically) since you started dating. How then can you take the marriage seriously?
Just so you know, this is coming from someone whose parents are still happily married to each other and have been monogamous the entire time. There is no divorce on either side of my extended family either. My brother and I are also in long term relationships with our firsts, and likely lasts. I would venture to say I'm predisposed to being highly successful at relationships. Yet I still advocate something many consider 'cheating': if you're not yet engaged, you should still be looking. You should be talking to other men/women and keeping your options open. This is especially important once you're out of college, when the pickings are fewer and further between. If you're not keeping your eyes peeled, the one for you can easily pass you by.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 November 2010):
A dating site is for finding other people. So that's one count. And to hide it/not tell a partner is a second count.
In my opinion, this makes it cheating, or certainly a sign of untrustworthiness.
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (13 November 2010):
Essentially yes. There's different degrees, but it is pretty much cheating. Especially if the assumption is that the 2 of you are supposed to be not looking anymore. Because a dating site is meant for looking for dates. The people on there are looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend or fuck buddy or something. So if you're on there, it's a question of what exactly are you looking for, and what state is your relationship in that you want to look?
People can say that it's just innocent, it's just curiosity, what's the difference between that and being friends with someone of the opposite sex or whatever. But if it's something you're doing behind your partner's back, and you find yourself lying about your relationship status, then it's dishonest and borderline cheating, even if nothing physical or even really emotional happens out of it.
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