A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Have been in the relationship 4 years, after being friends for about a year. I really enjoy being with him, and i thought he felt the same. Over the past year, our jobs have kept us in contact with a woman who is now the catalyst of our troubles. I have known her for 20 years, and know of her pattern of pursuing men who are already in a relationship - not that she wants a relationship with them, as after the 'conquest' she quickly loses interest. She freely admits that she enjoys very casual sex, and brags in particular about being 'friends' with the unsuspecting gf/wife while the husband cheats with her. I am really uncomfortable with my bf being in contact with her and we have argued several times about it. They text message, and I saw that he had texted her that she was his 'Best Girl Friend' and referred to her as 'sweetheart'. We split up yesterday, during which he still claims that he has never had sex with her, but that she sends 'signals' that she wants sex with him when they are around each other (which is more often and discreetly handled that I had been aware of). He says I am making a big deal out of nothing. I am heartsick over this, and don't want to destroy our life together if it is nothing... but how do I deal with this situation? How can I NOT feel threatened and disregarded?
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female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Hi. It would be hard not to feel threatened! And if shes sending him signals that she will have sex with him. Then shes NOT your friend. Hes playing with fire as he must know her track record. And his text messages are inappropriate. The reality is, you should be his sweetheart and his best girl friend. Hes flirting with her, thats for sure. Flirting is communicating sexually in a non physical way and its best directed at those who arent already taken. Something she doesnt seem to understand! Whether its worth breaking up with your partner over it is your decision. He probably hasnt slept with her. But i can understand you being worried that its only a matter of time.
If your partner still wants to be with you. Ask him what hes prepared to do to fix this problem. He might let her know that he not interested in her sexually. That would be a good sign thats hes taking your feelings into account. So try asking and see if hes prepared to change the way hes behaving toward her. If hes going to carrying on flirting with her and blame you for being unreasonable. Then sadly he might not be worth staying with.
As for your so called friend. I would have a word with her. Tell her, your partner has told you shes giving him signals that she will have sex with him. Explain very slowly and clearly to her, that shes behaving badly and you arent going to stand for it! Then invite her to hit the road. Good luck x
A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (19 December 2010):
 I would tell her that she should try the new fad diet as she appears to be gaining weight. Maybe tell her how your boyfriend thinks she is a more plain version of some ugly celebrity. He doesn't need to call her sweetheart and text her. She is obviously a miserable person to find joy in messing with peoples boyfriends. The real punishment would be to send them to eachother
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Break up and/or stay broken up and run.
He is too stupid to know what this woman stands for even when made aware of it. Assuming he is very aware, then that's also a reason for staying broken up...what is he interested in her.
Again, he's too stupid or blinded, either way...move on.
This other woman is clearly a bottom feeder, but your concern is not her but him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 December 2010):
I think you dumped the wrong one out of your life. You should have got rid of her, not your boyfriend. I think your boyfriend was insensitive, but at the same time you weren't exactly trusting of him, and this one friend caused a lot of arguments. It should have been her cut from your life.
However, what's done is done now. Perhaps it would be better for you to get rid of her too and start fresh with new friends and a new boyfriend. You won't feel so insecure if she's not there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Run away - go with your instinct I have 2 friends like this - we have dubbed them "lovable little scoundrels" for some reason they are so charming that I cannot help liking them a little but they are snake charmers.
I watched for over 6 months as two of my friends cheated on their spouse & bf with each other (both of them have this personality). In the end both split up. I could never bring myself to confess to either party because I had a fling once with the male when I was drunk... and then when I wasn't. Which also broke up my marriage. I watched him lie to his girlfriend. I watched her suspect and not be able to prove anything but not wanting to believe it and staying for months even after she knew (with proof) that more was going on than he was admitting too.
If you suspect him because of her... then two things need to happen - tell him he can stop talking to her because you do not trust her. Or you will leave. Then make sure he sticks with it - the fact that he is crossing the line with text saying sweetheart suggests it is more than appropriate. If he refuses and tells you that you are unreasonable then he is not willing to give up this flirtation... and would rather seek it over you then it is time to let him go there. Then decide if you can forgive him once he has had his fill of her and she is done with him.
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