A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this girl officially for a little over 4 months now. We had some rough times before we were officially dating because she was seeing me and some other guy at the same time. She originally was gonna date the other guy instead of me, and I got upset because I asked her out first and she said she wasn't ready to date officially, and then told me later that she was thinking things were gonna get official with the other guy. I told her how it made me feel and she got upset and even now she holds it against me saying that it sounded like I was only saying those things to hurt her. In truth, I was just telling her what she was doing and how it made me feel. How that makes her feel is her own problem. So I've been dating her for 4 months now, and she still holds that against me. Also, she gets upset over little shit all the time. Just recently she got mad at me because I told her I would pick her up at noon and hang out with her one day, but forgot to set my alarm because she was over the night before until 2 in the morning and I crashed after she left, so I didn't wake up until she called me at 12:15. She said that if I cared I would have remembered to set it before I fell asleep, and then told me to not bother going to see her at all that day. When she gets mad at me she says things to hurt me, too. Like call me names and say "fuck you" and things like that to me. On our three month anniversary (I think only the 6 month and yearly anniversaries are really a big deal), she got pissed off because instead of making time for her I spent it with a couple of my best friends - one of which is a girl. She even broke up with me for it, but only for a few hours. I figured it was a small thing and that on those kinds of monthly anniversaries we could just call each other to say happy anniversary. She said she was mad because she wanted to see me and I spent it with another girl, but I even invited my girlfriend to come hang out with us and the girl who is my best friend. She still holds that against me to this day, and brings it up a lot when we end up fighting over little shit. I don't know how much more I can take. What can I do about this, short of breaking up with her? *Should* I break up with her? Is she as insecure and unforgiving as I think she is?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): I'm the guy who asked the question. I dunno how to edit the question to add anything, so I'm adding things here since it's the only way I know how.I really do love her, and when she's not acting so unreasonable she's a great girl. I love spending time with her, and when we're having good times she can make me really happy. I don't feel that head-over-heels love that I've felt with other girls in the past, though. But I'm okay with that magic not really being there. She can be really good to me when she tries, and really sweet.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 December 2010):
This girl has MAJOR issues, and there is no way you should be around her. Seriously. She's actually got you feeling bad, yet initially she was going to date another guy! You're still second best even now!
First of all, stop being second best here.
Secondly, quit dating this Drama Queen! And she is a drama queen. I get that she might be insecure, but to be honest, she sounds like a nightmare. She threw a thrombo at you not being there for a so called 3 month anniversary! What anniversary! The definition of anniversary is this - The annually recurring date of a past event, especially one of historical, national, or personal importance - Therefore there is no 3 month anniversary, only a yearly one!
This girl even suggested that if you truly cared, you'd have not forgotten to set an alarm!
To be honest, this girl sounds pretty awful. I'd have dumped her long, long ago. And you should now. She won't change. She'll just continue to make you utterly miserable no matter what you do. No relationship should be like this, let alone one that is just 3 months old. Just get away from her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): Just checking: You love her, right? Aside from all the fights, do you have good times too? Does she do anything good for you at all?Most people would tell you to break up with her immediately, since you haven't even said anything good about her! And yes, it would be the best choice given the information you provided.But just in case you do love her, I'd give her one, and only one chance, to change. You sit down with her and tell her what you think is wrong with her behaviour, ask her that you take a break (a couple of weeks) and then slowly get back into the relationship with no strings attached. Be non-threatening.Honestly, she will probably make a scene and then run off to find some other guy. But maybe, just maybe, if she loves you enough and if she has good intentions, she just might react in a more mature way and make an effort to fix her mistakes.It's up to her to fix her mistakes anyway. All you can do is give her the wake up call.
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