| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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How would I suggest we have a FWB relationship? And is it a good idea?
Q. Okay so, me and this guy "D" were dating for about a week before I found out he had been cheating on me with two girls. This happened around 6 months ago. ''D'' and I really haven't talked much since then until a couple days ago when I decided to a...
A. 29 January 2011: Got your response. I'm a male, so I know what guys will see.
You say you're waiting for the right guy. What if the right guy knows you're messing around, and walks past you. That's what will happen.
The right guy can only be the right guy if y... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be angry with him for making these money decisions without me?
Q. am i wrong here? i have been with my boyfriend on and off for a year and half. he was getting a lump sum of money and we were going to get married sometime this year but i think thats not going to happen...anyways he got the money early today and we ...
A. 29 January 2011: You didn't say that in your original post, and that was important because it does change the answers you get.
If he is always saying that what's yours is his, then you have EVERY right to be angry at this because he is being hypocritical.
Thoug... (read in full...)
How would I suggest we have a FWB relationship? And is it a good idea?
Q. Okay so, me and this guy "D" were dating for about a week before I found out he had been cheating on me with two girls. This happened around 6 months ago. ''D'' and I really haven't talked much since then until a couple days ago when I decided to a...
A. 29 January 2011: This is a hugely bad idea on your behalf. Hugely bad. FWB only works when neither person has real feelings, and neither have caused each other pain. so, if you'd never met him before, it would stand a better chance.
But there is bad history here... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of 4 years asks for a break and starts dating someone else!
Q. hi guys Ok so i was with this girl for 4years the minute i met her we clicked instantly and we were good frends for many months before getting into the relationship. We know eachother inside out and we are very close to each other. Just last y...
A. 29 January 2011: Do you seriously want to be labelled a loser who will allow girls to walk over him. Seriously.
Have some self respect, man. This girl has treated you badly, and it's like you want more of it. She won't change her mind. All that will happen is she'... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I care for him for no reason, what do I do?
Q. My boyfriend tells me today that "you have no reason to love me or care about me, you just do. Which is pretty much you don't love or care about me. " Well we have been fighting about this for hours now. How do I tell him I love him and care for ...
A. 29 January 2011: Look, this is utterly meaningless on his behalf. You've already told him you care for him. What's he expecting here? Stop arguing, and tell him that you do care for him, and that he can either believe it or not.
This is a sign of someone who migh... (read in full...)
Girlfriend like my best friend, keeps in touch with him more. Am I second prize to her?
Q. ok, one of my best friends knew my new girlfriend before me and they liked eachother but didnt get together when she asked him out he already had a girlfriend but he offered to break it off to be with HER!!! then she meets me and says she li...
A. 29 January 2011: I do think you are second best, and given that you're in an LDR, it's best to end it and move on now.
You're a nice guy. So save it for a woman who isn't so far away and will actually commit. Don't waste time playing second best.... (read in full...)
A third chance... or a third mistake?
Q. Hi folks, firstly let me attempt to generate a picture of my current relationship... I have been in a very tight relationship with a caring girl for the past 6 years, and I have made sure that I have spent most of my time attempting to pr...
A. 29 January 2011: You remind me of me - before I got a little wiser. You are the original nice guy. Here you are, with a woman who has a disability, and you're doing everything to make sure she is happy and comfortable. What does she do? Throw it in your face. I ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my mistress to get an abortion... NOW!
Q. Hi. Just seeking some advice. I have been married for 7 yrs been with wife for almost 15. she's older than me by a couple of years (I am 37 my wife is 43 and my lover is 35). , but I think she is my soul mate. I cheated on her before this time, but ...
A. 29 January 2011: You're basically done.
1 - She has already said no chance of an abortion (this was the hint when she said she was independent).
2 - If she did, she'd not forgive you for it anyway.
3 - You may have overlooked the fact that she purposefully... (read in full...)
How do people determine the right age for them to have sex for the first time?
Q. i'm asking the readers this, male and female, young and old, to answer the age old question of how old is the right age to have sex? is it based on how you feel about your partner? the legal age? Your religion? please answer for all the many rea...
A. 29 January 2011: For me, I was with the right girl at the right time (above legal age). It just felt right, and that's how I knew.... (read in full...)
What's the best way to handle my 'Grumpy Old Man'?
Q. I see my boyfriend at week-ends, as he lives an hour's drive away. It annoys me because he likes to stay up until 2-3 am during the week and by Saturday is not up to much. He likes to sleep in until mid day. I like to be up and about and not to...
A. 29 January 2011: I think you need to spend time working out whether you want to be with this guy. Sounds to me like you're two different people, and that ultimately this is something that will cause problems. There's hardly any point in you being with him if all ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be angry with him for making these money decisions without me?
Q. am i wrong here? i have been with my boyfriend on and off for a year and half. he was getting a lump sum of money and we were going to get married sometime this year but i think thats not going to happen...anyways he got the money early today and we ...
A. 29 January 2011: I think that you have the right to be angry about making decisions and him then backing out when you are married. But I think at the moment it's still his money, and he can to an extent do what he likes. Certainly you have more of a right to be ... (read in full...)
I'm fourteen, he's nineteen, should I arrange for us to meet?
Q. ive been talking to this guy he is nineteen and he lives in south carolina and i live in california but like im really starting to like him and i cant help but smile wen he txt me ive never felt like this before and im not sure what to do im ...
A. 29 January 2011: This sounds really unsafe. You really shouldn't put yourself in a position where you can get hurt by someone who can then never be traced. You don't really know anything about this man. ... (read in full...)
Are love and marriage a deadline?
Q. Does anyone else think women now a days are more in love with the idea of "love" and "marriage" then they are with the true meaning behind it. I keep meeting more and more women who talk about marriage like a dead line rather then the importance of ...
A. 29 January 2011: I agree with Odds.
In fairness, for women it is more of a deadline, so to speak. You have to remember that if a woman wants to get married before she has kids, there is a time limit since her body clock will be ticking away. Most women will have... (read in full...)
How important is the ring?
Q. She said "If I got an engagement ring I didn't like,or was to small I would return it and buy something I really liked." Part of me laughs at this the other part is scared out of my mind. Who would say something like that, I thought engagment was ...
A. 29 January 2011: The best thing to do is to go an buy the ring with her. Just make sure you don't go into debt for it. That way there can be no complaints and you're not compromising on your future. ... (read in full...)
Is my wife still sexually attracted to me?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 13 years, and I love her with all of my heart. I'm more attracked to her now than when we first got married. However, I don't think that she's all that attracked to me anymore. Our sex life sucks. I want it al...
A. 29 January 2011: It sounds to me like she really loves you, and is attracted to you. But maybe she's not that confident. If you were in bed not holing hands, and not laughing and such, then I'd say you had a problem. As it is, you might well get somewhere to talk to ... (read in full...)
She has a profile on a website designed for married people to cheat....I'm not sure if I can be with her anymore knowing she could do this
Q. I have just discovered (or rather the computer repairer told me) that during a period where we broke up, my girlfriend had joined a site that is there for married people to cheat on each other . She`s down as single but seeking attached or married ...
A. 29 January 2011: This woman just sounds dreadful. Remember, if she damages your stuff, you can report her for it and claim cash from her. ... (read in full...)
I hit my girlfriend, is it my fault or hers?
Q. im 15 ma girlfriends 14 were in the same year but im not proud of what i did but i need some advice me and my girlfriend were arguing after something that happened at school i kinda said she was flirting with my bestmate because she was hugging him ...
A. 29 January 2011: You hit her. Your fault. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I'm guilt tripping him
Q. Hello, I have a little problem that is gradually getting worse...I'm 18, my boyfriend is 19 and we've been seeing each other for about three months now, I've known him four years prior. Anyways, we haven't seen each other in a couple of days d...
A. 28 January 2011: In that case do keep an eye on it. That's all I can say. And if it does get worse, you'll know the truth. ... (read in full...)
Are these concidered threats?
Q. I got into an argument with a group of friends and one particularly hot headed male sent me a facebook msg saying this: "You are a crazy c*nt. Good luck bcuz your world is coming down real soon, you pennsylvania retard." My reply: "its really tras...
A. 28 January 2011: Get copies of those, because they are threats. Print the page. ... (read in full...)
Does my 'friends with benefits' guy have deeper feelings for me than he is letting on?
Q. i have a friend with benefits, problem is i think im in love with him,he was my first love when i was 13 years old and now im 27, we met up for the first time in all these years about 5 months ago and one thing led to another and we have become ...
A. 28 January 2011: I also agree with Cerberus. Nice answer.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I'm guilt tripping him
Q. Hello, I have a little problem that is gradually getting worse...I'm 18, my boyfriend is 19 and we've been seeing each other for about three months now, I've known him four years prior. Anyways, we haven't seen each other in a couple of days d...
A. 28 January 2011: The problem, then, is that you are telling him how you feel, and he's still not getting it.
I'm a man, so I know that sometimes women aren't all that clear with their feelings. But if you are telling him straight that it's hurting you to be blow... (read in full...)
She has a profile on a website designed for married people to cheat....I'm not sure if I can be with her anymore knowing she could do this
Q. I have just discovered (or rather the computer repairer told me) that during a period where we broke up, my girlfriend had joined a site that is there for married people to cheat on each other . She`s down as single but seeking attached or married ...
A. 28 January 2011: I think when you look at the big picture with this girl, you can see so many problems that it's not worth taking her back unless you want a lack of trust and lack of morals.
First of all, why did you two break up? If you broke up, then there was ... (read in full...)
I chased a loser and lost a winner...
Q. Hi everybody I came here to vent and maybe someone can help me out. I'm lost and sad. I spent the past 4 and half years chasing after a man who come to find out had a fiancee. I found that out half way through but didn't leave him since he kept ...
A. 28 January 2011: I was played around by a girl once. She knew I fancied her, and she made me run around a bit too much. Needless to say I saw the light and got away from her. She then came out and said she fancied me - but it was too late. And I didn't give her ... (read in full...)
23 and in love with a 43 year old woman....will this work?
Q. I am a male aged 23 years old. I am in love with a lady aged 43 years old. Can this relationship be successful? We love each other very much....
A. 28 January 2011: The biggest question is do you want children?... (read in full...)
Mismatched sex drives and now she doesn't like it if I turn to porn!
Q. My girlfreind only wants sex ounce a week and never during her period but i have a very high sex drive so i want to masterbate infront of her, she used to be ok with it even give a helping hand but now she doesnt like it when i do it and hates it if ...
A. 28 January 2011: I also think that you need to talk to her again. This will only get worse, and this is the sort of thing that leads to cheating later down the line, or misery, or both. She needs to open up as to why she doesn't want it as much. Approach it gently, ... (read in full...)
Why do I want this other guy sexually when I'm in love with my fiancé?
Q. Hi, I'm in a mess and I really need some advice. I'm 23 years old and I have been with my fiancee for nearly 5 years, we've just got engaged and we're extremely happy together. I love him more than anything and I couldn't imagine being without ...
A. 28 January 2011: But the point is maybe you don't love your fiancé enough. Maybe that's the point.
Everyone on earth, at some point, is attracted to someone else. That's nature. Your fiance will always notice other women, you will always notice other men.
The d... (read in full...)
Does it matter that I'm black?
Q. I'm 14 and on the ending stretch of my 8th grade year. I really like this girl and she is really nice to me and I Am nice back. I was thinking about asking her out but I'm black and she's white. I don't have a problem with white people all of my ...
A. 28 January 2011: It shouldn't matter. But if it does, then you'll know that she's not the one for you. I say ask her anyway.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend lies to me all the time
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for three years. I am 20 and he is 19. I noticed a year-a year and a half way through our relationship that he was lieing to me all the time.Just tonight i caught him in a lie that he didnt even have to lie about ...
A. 28 January 2011: A boyfriend who lies all the time shouldn't be a boyfriend. Your ultimatum is an empty one, I'm afraid, as he won't change and he knows you're willing to accept this kind of treatment. You've accepted lie after lie, and he knows he can get away with ... (read in full...)
My loyalty to him is in conflict with what my friends think of my actions. I'm in a panic. What should I do?
Q. i'm in a panic, because my best friend has moved to another area, and i want to go too. i get on really well with him and this is why i'm in a panic, because a few times i've rowed with him, over silly stuff. And at the time confided in my two clos...
A. 28 January 2011: What is right for your life? That's the important thing here, not what others think.
Also, why are you so desperate to be with this best friend? I understand you're close, but are you sure you're not too close? Sounds like you like him more than... (read in full...)
He is definitely not giving me what I need!
Q. My boyfriend of 6 years off and on says he loves me so much, and wants a future with me, but he lives in another state by choice (not because of his job), and i haven't seen him for 6 months-he is coming on monday to stay at one of the four houses ...
A. 28 January 2011: Even now, it never ceases to amaze me that women (and some men - but mostly women) actually accept some of the lowest forms of treatment in the world.
He lives in another state totally by choice.
You haven't seen him in six months.
He's comi... (read in full...)
She wants space to explore and then come back to me
Q. Ok guys heres the deal ive been with the same girl for over six years. I love her more than anything and we have been engaged for 6 months. We got together young she was 14 and i was 17 and until recently i was the only person she had ever been ...
A. 28 January 2011: Ditch her! Now. She's cheated three times, and now expects you to wait around. I would't touch this girl ever again! She might bring diseases, and she will continue to cheat and make a fool of you.
By the way, the fact that you're paying for all ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I'm guilt tripping him
Q. Hello, I have a little problem that is gradually getting worse...I'm 18, my boyfriend is 19 and we've been seeing each other for about three months now, I've known him four years prior. Anyways, we haven't seen each other in a couple of days d...
A. 28 January 2011: If he's blowing you off that much, then you need to think about whether he's interested in you as much as he should be. To me, he sounds like he's not that bothered. A boyfriend isn't there to make you feel horrible, or to blow you off so much. He ... (read in full...)
I could treat him so much better than his girlfriend!
Q. well basically to start off,im 16 i may seem young to some people on here but ive had to grow up real quick, quicker than other teenagers so im really machore and i need some advice, i dont normally ask for advice myself because im the type of ...
A. 28 January 2011: I'm afraid no matter how much you can treat him better, he has a girlfriend and in the interests of your own reputation and self preservation, you need to respect that. You don't really know all the truth about their relationship. You only see bits ... (read in full...)
I believe my boyfriend may suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Is it safe to be with this kind of person?
Q. Hi. When we were discussing something, my boyfriend told me he loves to see a women naked i.e. naked with all her feelings and vulnerable. He is very self centered and never much cares about my needs, it's always about him. He abuses me mental...
A. 28 January 2011: Nope. Even if he doesn't have it, you shouldn't be near him. He doesn't really care about you at all. You should just leave and be done with it. A man who uses weak points against you, cares only for himself and abuses you mentally is not someone ... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and have never been asked out on a date? What's wrong with me?
Q. I am 22 and have never had a date or even been asked out. I feel like there's something really wrong with me. I am not outgoing like other girls and I am definetly not nearly as pretty. I just feel really down about this. What is wrong with me?...
A. 27 January 2011: Nothing's wrong with you. I think it might be a case of you needing to ask someone out, as Tennisstar88 says, or you needing to be more outgoing so guys know you're wanting to be approached.
Guys won't approach a girl who they think isn't inte... (read in full...)
What drives a man to perform oral sex?
Q. When a man performs oral sex on a woman, during intercourse for the first time, how does he feel? What drives him to do it (i.e; to give pleasure, expecting something in return, closeness, or just being horney)? ...
A. 27 January 2011: Pretty much all those things you put in brackets. How do we feel? Pretty good and in control! It's good fun. ... (read in full...)
Is this type of behavior normal for young men?
Q. The guy I have been dating for about 1 year now is extremely defiant, if you say go left, goes right, if you ask him to do something, he won't do it even if it is reasonable request. He is very, very lazy and he often starts task, but never finish ...
A. 27 January 2011: Oh yes, to answer your actual question (as I forgot) - no, young men do not act this way. Only idiots do. ... (read in full...)
Should I continue waiting for my married lover, or am I being taken for a ride?
Q. Greetings All! I have worked with this person for two years and have always had a mutual great feeling. We began an active relationship last year. I was in process of a divorce, but the feelings for her were very real and true. She put forth the ...
A. 27 January 2011: She'll keep you waiting until you're in the ground, my friend.
If she loved you that much, she'd have walked ages ago. I would most definitely say you're being taken for a ride. Remember, men aren't the only ones who use people. Women use men just... (read in full...)
Is this type of behavior normal for young men?
Q. The guy I have been dating for about 1 year now is extremely defiant, if you say go left, goes right, if you ask him to do something, he won't do it even if it is reasonable request. He is very, very lazy and he often starts task, but never finish ...
A. 27 January 2011: You girls to pick them sometimes!
Instead of asking all those questions, you need to ask yourself why you are with a guy who either argues with everything, or is so lazy does nothing at all.
I would stop looking for answers, and just get away fro... (read in full...)
If my boyfriend had intentions to cheat with an old hookup, would he tell me whenever she contacted him?
Q. I just have a quick question. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we love each other very much. Recently, a girl he has hooked up with in the past has been trying to get back with him. He tells her no, but I guess she's just desperate. M...
A. 27 January 2011: If he was going to cheat, he'd have done it and would never have said a word. I don't think you need to worry at all. ... (read in full...)
I cheated and my boyfriend ended things
Q. Hello, right now i feel like shit,i have been a bit bad and cheated the odd time. Its lead to break up after break up,he wont let it drop. I have never admitted it as he will end it,i know he wont come back if i do. He turned off his phone last ...
A. 27 January 2011: I have the feeling that he might know about you cheating. Therefore either he has gone out and cheated to make you feel this way, or he has said it to end things.
Either way, I don't see how this can be fixed. You've already cheated and since you'... (read in full...)
Why do men in porn films last so long?
Q. What do the men in sex movies do for them to keep long during sex(about an hour) before they cum? Are they real people like us?...
A. 27 January 2011: They don't. They take a few days to shoot all that film and a few more to edit it carefully. ... (read in full...)
But I love him
Q. Dear Cupid, I was dating my boyfriend for 11 months and we got into an argument and he said he needed space, but would date me again in two months. A month has passed and this space has been agonizing me. He said he still loves me and wants to be ...
A. 27 January 2011: But he's not the one. As you said, he would be if you worked it out, but he has no interest in wanting to work it out.
Sorry, but he's just keeping you around on a leash. A guy who loves you and is 'the one' won't behave this way. He'll make an e... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of 4 years asks for a break and starts dating someone else!
Q. hi guys Ok so i was with this girl for 4years the minute i met her we clicked instantly and we were good frends for many months before getting into the relationship. We know eachother inside out and we are very close to each other. Just last y...
A. 25 January 2011: I've seen this one before.
What she's doing is hedging her bets. Let's say it goes wrong with this guy. She'll come crawling back, say she's 'sorry' and 'made a mistake', then expect you to fall into line until such time as she wants to see some... (read in full...)
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