| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Both virgins, on birth control pills.... do I REALLY need a condom?
Q. Me and my girlfriend are both virgins but we are planning on having sex in a couple of weeks. She's started taking birth control pills so there is no chance of her getting pregnant. We havent had sex so STI's are also out of the equation so do i ...
A. 31 January 2011: 'No Chance' - Yes there is. About a 1% chance. Not a lot, but enough hopefully to make you think twice. Trust me, it's worth wearing a condom. It only takes one sperm to make it through, and one little pill not to work, and you're sold for life. ... (read in full...)
How do you cope with a break-up?
Q. hi all, i need advice on break up. i want to stay healthy and strong. my girlfriend has recently dumped me and i feel devastated. how to cope? thanks....
A. 31 January 2011: Last time I got dumped, I spent as much time out doing stuff as possible - whether it was with friends or alone. Just avoid too much drink, and don't have a rebound. Spend time doing whatever you want. ... (read in full...)
I know its wrong for me to snoop on him, but its wrong for him to be talking to other girls this way! Should I confront him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. It has always been an issue for me to trust people. I have been trying very hard to trust him, but he talks to a lot of girls because he is in the entertainment business. Once he left his ...
A. 31 January 2011: I think you should by-pass the confrontation and get on and leave. When he was first texting girls inappropriately, you gave him a second chance. Since then, all he's really done is prove himself untrustworthy. That email you found was pretty ... (read in full...)
I lied about taking a pregnancy test, how do I get his trust back?
Q. I recently lied to my fiancé about taking a pregnancy test, which I did but I didn't pee on it ..because days before he ask me to take one..he was telling me we are not ready for kids..so I decided to not take it cause I was scared to be and make ...
A. 31 January 2011: I'm afraid it was quite a big lie. I appreciate that you were scared, but when it comes to matters such as pregnancy, you simply can't lie. I think now that all you can do is take the test and show him, and explain that it was a moment of terror and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is still married, living with his wife and having a baby with her!
Q. my boyfriend of 5 months is married but seperated and has a baby due anyday now. He lives in another city with his mom and dad and wife. He come to see me when ever he can. So many times I've tried to end it because of the situation but we just ...
A. 31 January 2011: In other words, you're his mistress, and not his girlfriend. This is not a good sign for you. I'd suggest running a mile. ... (read in full...)
Despite all the bad things he has done, he is the only one I want. How do I get him back?
Q. Hi everyone it would be really appreciated for help on this because I'm completely confused. My boyfriend of 2 years and I have been off and on since October but on Christmas eve he broke up with me via text not giving me a reason then ignored me ...
A. 31 January 2011: I think you have a problem. I don't know whether it's insecurity, a lack of confidence, or that you're desperate for love. But no one should be allowing themselves to be treated this way.
This guy is a compulsive liar, a cheat, and was all for ... (read in full...)
He already has a child and doesn't seem to want another, but he is the love of my life...What should I do?
Q. i am 30 years old and have never been married and never had a child, my boyfriend whom i love more than anything, has been married and has a child with his ex wife. i know in my heart that i want to get married and have a child someday. on the very ...
A. 31 January 2011: I'm afraid the situation is a little bleak here for you. No matter how much you love this guy, if he doesn't want another child and you do, that will lead to some heated arguments and a lot of resentment.
You two need to sit down and have a big ... (read in full...)
Should I take a risk and talk to my ex, or wait to see what happens when I visit his sister?
Q. It's been 4 months since my ex and I broke up....the same week we broke up he slept with someone, but didn't tell me... I figured it out! We didnt talk for a month then he got in contact, admitting what he had done and saying how he regretted ...
A. 30 January 2011: This all sounds far too convenient to me.
You were together 5 months, in an LDR. So before it really started, it was going to be a long haul to make it work. Then he broke up with you and there was no contact. In that same week, he slept with anot... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as addiction to dating, chatting or adult web sites?
Q. Can anyone tell me is there such a thing as addiction to dating,chat or adult sex sites? I will be leaving my wife tonight after finding yet another active profile of hers. This has been happening for around 4 years. Countless break ups,she always ...
A. 30 January 2011: It probably is a weird addiction. Cheating for some people is an addiction (read some of the posts on this site). However, even an addiction starts as a choice at some point. Whether you choose to take drugs, choose to drink or choose to sign up to ... (read in full...)
Why on the face?
Q. dear readers, why do guys like the idea of cumming on a womans face so much? what is it that attracts them so much?...
A. 30 January 2011: No thanks. I've never done it and never will. Nothing whatsoever about what you're describing does anything for me, since I have to kiss my girlfriend afterwards!
Obviously for some men this is a turn on. For some others, it's really not. If you ... (read in full...)
I didn't cheat, did I?
Q. Im really scared this random guy came up to me in a club cos hes mates with my brother and we spoke for abit had a laugh ..i wasnt doing anything at all half way through the night he kissed me but i pulled away as ive already got a boyfriend who i ...
A. 30 January 2011: You didn't cheat. At all. But I wouldn't go near this guy again. He sounds a bit creepy. ... (read in full...)
Can one child destroy a whole family?
Q. I have a very tragic life. My whole family i destroyed. My children, are all troubled, and I have other serious problems as well. Some chronic bad luck. The family picture is terrible... There is drug addiction, Death from drugs, crime and sham...
A. 30 January 2011: A psychological study recently did prove that very occasionally, a child can be the problem. They've done numerous experiments, spoken to families like yourselves and have found that even with exceptional parents, a child can be bad all on it's own. ... (read in full...)
Is it right to stay with the only man I have ever been with?
Q. dear readers, i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, he has been the only proper boyfriend that i have ever had. i love him very much and he loves me to, we have a great relationship. But people always seem to think its ridiculous that ...
A. 30 January 2011: Love is about being with the right person at the right time. If that means your love is the right person at that time, then there you are. If it means you don't find love until you're in your thirties, then so be it. If you're with the person you ... (read in full...)
Husband will not talk to me, just wants a divorce but said he saw things about me that he didn't like
Q. I am married and my hb and I are separated, we talked about divorced already and that's coming soon. One month ago I sent him a email telling if there is anything that I can do to save our married, and he replayed saying not because there are a lo...
A. 30 January 2011: In my experience, when someone says "there are a lot of things I don't like, but I won't tell you", it means that they're hiding something big.
I very much doubt that this is about you. If you want the truth, I think you might find that ther... (read in full...)
Are men really ok with small perfect breasts?
Q. my boyfriend is a boob guy.. i know that he loves boobs,..big boobs especially. Im about 34b. i lost a lot of weight and lost most of my breasts( i was 180lbs now im 125). they are perky, he tells me he loves my boobs but always comment's on boobs ...
A. 30 January 2011: If you want the truth, men don't notice stretch marks. When the woman we love is in front of us naked, we don't stand there analysing here.
As for boobs, every man to his own. Not all men like big boobs, not all men like small boobs. But boobs aren... (read in full...)
I'm trying to make this guy want me!
Q. I am trying to make this guy in my class to want me. We are taking a law and security course, and have been getting along great.When we have physical fitness classes in the gym, I will wear my short running shorts and when we have swimming...
A. 30 January 2011: Tennisstar88 is right.
You need to talk to this guy if you want him that much. What you're doing at the moment will do nothing other than make him look at you as a man would look at any other girl flashing the goods.
However, if you speak to... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 3 years has been sleeping with someone in my bed!
Q. I jus found out that My bf of 3 yrs, has been sleepin wid someone in my bed.am so devasted.becauae i loved him.he's acting all defencive mentioning that am also doing the same.wat should i do.get my things or leave them for him...i want peace!...
A. 30 January 2011: Ditch him ASAP. ... (read in full...)
Best friend, who's in a long term relationship, declares his love for my girlfriend
Q. Dear all, I have been with my girlfriend for over a year, and we have a strong relationship. Last night, however, she revealed to me that one of my supposed closest friends told her that he was in love with her, and that I was a bastard who wasn...
A. 29 January 2011: Your friend just became expendable, is my advice. I would say calmly (and in a public place) that you know what he said and don't want to hear from him again.
Also, if he and your girlfriend have become close, keep an eye on that. ... (read in full...)
Our four year relationship has stagnated. Could it be reinvigorated? And how?
Q. We are in our early twenties. We have been dating nearly four years (having met in high school). Things were passionate but have died down steadily. I truly love her personality (at least the positive part of it). But there are things that have been...
A. 29 January 2011: It isn't selfish to focus on yourself, if you have no one else that you're committed to.
i.e. If you keep her around whilst focusing on your life, that's selfish. But if it's just you and the world, no one else gets hurt. That's not selfish.
Al... (read in full...)
I feel like my soul left since the day we broke up. I can't get over her!
Q. Hi. I am writing again, because I feel like I have no one to talk to about my problem. To rehash my story, the love of my life left me almost 4 years ago after being together for almost 5 years long distance. I have not been able to get over her. ...
A. 29 January 2011: This is very sad, but I think I have a decent answer for you.
I think the reason you can't get over her is because she was the only person who has ever accepted you for who you are. She, as you say, was your first love. So that's one strong bond... (read in full...)
I feel like my soul left since the day we broke up. I can't get over her!
Q. Hi. I am writing again, because I feel like I have no one to talk to about my problem. To rehash my story, the love of my life left me almost 4 years ago after being together for almost 5 years long distance. I have not been able to get over her. ...
A. 29 January 2011: This is very sad, but I think I have a decent answer for you.
I think the reason you can't get over her is because she was the only person who has ever accepted you for who you are. She, as you say, was your first love. So that's one strong bond... (read in full...)
Time of the month she turns into someone else.
Q. Hey everybody, Really need your help so here goes. Thanks in advance. I've been dating this girl for a couple of months now and everything was going well up until a week ago. It's the time of the month and I don't want to sound like just a ...
A. 29 January 2011: This does sound rough, to be fair. But don't be too quick to end it. This could be a major imbalance for her. Women will be able to give you a better answer that me (clearly - since I'm a man).
All I know is this:
1 - Do not ever tell a woman to... (read in full...)
I am always the girl next door
Q. I am always the girl next door. I have had two long term relationships and with both men, it was about them loving my personality. It was never because I am sexy, or hot its because men feel comfortable in my presence. I want men to really feel ...
A. 29 January 2011: I'm sorry to say this, but you've got it all upside down. You're not going to like me saying this, but you're coming across as a seriously deluded Drama Queen.
1 - You have men who actually like you for your personality, and you think that's BAD?... (read in full...)
Why did she say I was the first but then tell the doctor differently?
Q. hey , well I am in a great relationship with my girlfriend had ups and downs but we talk about our problems which I thin maes us strong. I am the kind of guy who believes in plain speain and no lies as I hate liars. Anyways my girlfriend and I have ...
A. 29 January 2011: I think you'll find that she was a bit ashamed of what she'd done in the past. If this is something you can't take, you need to end it now. Otherwise you've got to drop it and get over it. This isn't something you have the right to hold against her. ... (read in full...)
I can't think straight when it comes to him but I don't think this is the way things should be
Q. Hi I am with my bf for an year. At first he was very nice, considerate and we talk almost daily in phone. For the past few months i am seeing some changes in him, like 1. He often says i am stupid, idoitic, crazy, psycho.. 2. He never apo...
A. 29 January 2011: I'll answer each of your points, and hope that you see the light here, because if you don't, you're in for a really miserable time.
1 - No guy who loves and respects you will call you those things. It's just demeaning, and does nothing other than... (read in full...)
Can I get pregnant if he came but I didn't?
Q. Is it possible that I can get pregnant if my boyfriend came in me but I never came? And I start around the 5th of every month?...
A. 29 January 2011: Oh yes you can get pregnant. Your eggs will be around whether you come or not. And, in fact, his sperm will be in pre-cum, so he doesn't need to come either really. It's only the sperm that needs to turn up for the party. ... (read in full...)
I like him but he might think I like his mate
Q. Right, answers please i need as many as possible. i have just met this lad in my church and i like him quite a heck of a lot. there was this party las night for the church and we flirted a bit, it was all good, but he spent quite a bit of ti...
A. 29 January 2011: Talk to him. That's the only way to make sure he's not confused. You've got nothing to lose by talking to him about how you feel. ... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend to hit me.. Is this normal?
Q. For some reason, I have a strong desire to be in an abusive relationship with a guy. I want to be hit, thrown to the ground, or pushed into a wall. I'm not sure if this is normal or not though. My boyfriend seems like the kind of guy who may do ...
A. 29 January 2011: No. This is not normal. And you'll end up dead. You've already picked a man who will abuse you.
You need professional help, very quickly. This is not normal. ... (read in full...)
Our four year relationship has stagnated. Could it be reinvigorated? And how?
Q. We are in our early twenties. We have been dating nearly four years (having met in high school). Things were passionate but have died down steadily. I truly love her personality (at least the positive part of it). But there are things that have been...
A. 29 January 2011: This relationship sounds totally dead.
I think, in fairness, you're being a bit harsh in that list. It's a small list, of things that mean next to nothing in comparison to other lists I've seen. That said, if these little things are getting to you,... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid? And how can I impress this guy?
Q. Dear agony aunt, I like this boy and we are good friends. I told friends that I liked him and they thought it was cute. I'm not sure whether I'm paranoid about it, but for some reason he has seemed quiet towards me. I have asked the people I...
A. 29 January 2011: Either he knows, and is shy, or he fancies you, and is shy.
I think the only way to get his attention is to talk to him. Try that. ... (read in full...)
Would I be crazy to take my ex back?
Q. Would I be crazy to take an ex back? It was a LDR, he broke up with me (amicably) a few weeks back and I guessed he was getting cold feet, scared of commitment or whatever as I was looking to re-locate in the next few months to be closer to him. ...
A. 29 January 2011: Has he actually said that he wants to try again, or are you assuming? You don't make that totally clear.
Anyway, very rarely do LDR's work. Yours already failed once, and as it is, I don't see it working out. You only broke up a few weeks ago, and ... (read in full...)
How would I suggest we have a FWB relationship? And is it a good idea?
Q. Okay so, me and this guy "D" were dating for about a week before I found out he had been cheating on me with two girls. This happened around 6 months ago. ''D'' and I really haven't talked much since then until a couple days ago when I decided to a...
A. 29 January 2011: Got your response. I'm a male, so I know what guys will see.
You say you're waiting for the right guy. What if the right guy knows you're messing around, and walks past you. That's what will happen.
The right guy can only be the right guy if y... (read in full...)
The best way to please a guy?
Q. Dear readers, I want to know what is the best way to pleasure a male in bed? what would make him very happy?...
A. 29 January 2011: Depends on the male. But personally I do like a girl to be a bit bossy/confident in bed. Just believe in what you're doing, and tell him what to do. Also, ask him what he likes, that way you can give him the pleasure he wants.
And don't be pres... (read in full...)
Why do the girls I like seem more interested in guys way less successful than me?
Q. Help, I need major help getting on track! Hello all. I am 27 and for all intents and purposes I consider myself a virgin (the one night of 5-hour attempt where I got no pleasure doesn't count). I can't find anyone compatible and I try eve...
A. 29 January 2011: I also agree that you not wanting children might be a deal breaker. So maybe look for an older woman to date.
I also wonder if you need to kind of be a bit more outgoing, or maybe expand the hobbies you have. Art viewings, casual lunches, show... (read in full...)
I'm almost 20 and totally inexperienced in life?
Q. I'm a guy and in my first year of university. I've never even been on a date and i've only kissed one girl in my whole life and that was when i was drunk and in a club. Is that a turn off?? If a girl liked me now then i wouldn't know what to do ...
A. 29 January 2011: I think like many people, you'll come more alive whilst you're at university. I thought I had a lot of experience in life - then two years ago I lost my job and I realized I had very little. Since then I've gained a lot more.
You can't force ever... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend could be gay?
Q. Thank you for reading this. I have never used the Internet for answers, I am very confused. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and we love each other undoubtedly. Lately though I have been questioning his sexuality. There are a few ...
A. 29 January 2011: He's not even close to day. What he is, is a man who only cares for his quick thrill. I think you'll find that basically he's either a selfish lover, or he's underconfident in bed. Maybe you should take the lead and see what happens.... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be angry with him for making these money decisions without me?
Q. am i wrong here? i have been with my boyfriend on and off for a year and half. he was getting a lump sum of money and we were going to get married sometime this year but i think thats not going to happen...anyways he got the money early today and we ...
A. 29 January 2011: You didn't say that in your original post, and that was important because it does change the answers you get.
If he is always saying that what's yours is his, then you have EVERY right to be angry at this because he is being hypocritical.
Thoug... (read in full...)
How do I know if this guy treats "us" just like a fling or if it has the potential to turn into a relationship?
Q. I've been having this fling with someone for a few months now and I have been feeling confused about whats been going on and where we stand. (If its just for fun or if there is potential for example) When it has come to dating etc, I have alwa...
A. 29 January 2011: If it's a fling now, it will be a fling later too. ... (read in full...)
Will I pass the security vetting for this new job. Please advise me!
Q. Hi guys, this is not a romantic question, but i need help please. Oh my goodness, I need advice. There's a job at my work, but it says I have to pass security vetting! I know it won't be high level, but I'm panicking because I had to do an IVA b...
A. 29 January 2011: Security vetting might or might not include the debt (depends whether they think you'd be open to bribes).
I would have thought, however, that they will be looking more into your criminal record and other such records (medical, univ... (read in full...)
We work together, we slept together, I wasted so many awesome blowjobs on him....just to realize now he was married all along!!
Q. My heart is broken. I've been seeing this guy for a year now. He pursued me, but I saw evidence in his car and at his office that he was involved with someone so I said no thanks, friends! He swore up and down that he was single. Eventually I starte...
A. 29 January 2011: As a woman pointed out here the other day, mistresses usually get the bottom of the barrel treatment. Guaranteed if you went to his wife, she'd blame you. Don't bother.
You've got some good friends around you, and you now know this guy is beyo... (read in full...)
How would I suggest we have a FWB relationship? And is it a good idea?
Q. Okay so, me and this guy "D" were dating for about a week before I found out he had been cheating on me with two girls. This happened around 6 months ago. ''D'' and I really haven't talked much since then until a couple days ago when I decided to a...
A. 29 January 2011: This is a hugely bad idea on your behalf. Hugely bad. FWB only works when neither person has real feelings, and neither have caused each other pain. so, if you'd never met him before, it would stand a better chance.
But there is bad history here... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be angry with him for making these money decisions without me?
Q. am i wrong here? i have been with my boyfriend on and off for a year and half. he was getting a lump sum of money and we were going to get married sometime this year but i think thats not going to happen...anyways he got the money early today and we ...
A. 29 January 2011: I think that you have the right to be angry about making decisions and him then backing out when you are married. But I think at the moment it's still his money, and he can to an extent do what he likes. Certainly you have more of a right to be ... (read in full...)
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