| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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But I love him
Q. Dear Cupid, I was dating my boyfriend for 11 months and we got into an argument and he said he needed space, but would date me again in two months. A month has passed and this space has been agonizing me. He said he still loves me and wants to be ...
A. 27 January 2011: But he's not the one. As you said, he would be if you worked it out, but he has no interest in wanting to work it out.
Sorry, but he's just keeping you around on a leash. A guy who loves you and is 'the one' won't behave this way. He'll make an e... (read in full...)
I constantly seek validation from men, and compare myself to other women! It has turned me a bitter woman at age 22, so how do I stop caring about men and relationships?
Q. How can I stop caring about relationships and what men think of me? You know, when you have stupid problems and you fight against things you just can't fight against. For instance, I hate society, I hate how society works, and how most people go b...
A. 27 January 2011: I'm sorry you have so little faith in men that you genuinely believe we're that shallow. There is so much more to men than just picking a girl who is pretty with brains. We need to click with the girl in a big way. She can have the looks and the ... (read in full...)
Will I be unable to satisfy women
Q. My Business is 6" long exactly and around 5 and a quarter around. I understand that this is safely within the average, but don't know how acceptable this is for women. A cursory Google search of penile size preference revealed a poll, http://w...
A. 27 January 2011: I wouldn't take notice of those so called internet questionnaires. There's nothing wrong with you. You're about average, so not small. And your girlfriend is satisfied. There's no point in having an 8 inch penis if you have no idea how to use it.
Q... (read in full...)
Should I stop seeing two brothers
Q. im 23y/o female and im having sex with both my bf and his brother..my bf doesnt know but his brother knows and told me not a say anything..im really having fun..should i stop seeing them both or continue having fun.....
A. 27 January 2011: It won't be fun when it comes out. This will wreck any kind of reputation you have, and never again will you capture a decent man. This will have a serious effect if you're found out.
Also, you'll destroy your boyfriend, and what for? Noth... (read in full...)
Why did you even ask?
Q. What brought you to Dear Cupid? Most likely it's because of some problem in your life or relationship. That's how most of us stumbled upon this place. You came here hoping that these anon people on the internet could offer you some insight into ...
A. 27 January 2011: I like to call it "Yes-Men Syndrome". Some people are looking to validate their own behaviour, good or bad, and all they want is for a few people to say "yes - we agree".
Sadly, it never works like that. And the same person will then cont... (read in full...)
I constantly seek validation from men, and compare myself to other women! It has turned me a bitter woman at age 22, so how do I stop caring about men and relationships?
Q. How can I stop caring about relationships and what men think of me? You know, when you have stupid problems and you fight against things you just can't fight against. For instance, I hate society, I hate how society works, and how most people go b...
A. 27 January 2011: There are a few issues here, I'll grant that.
The first thing you need to kind of see is that women have been utterly conned by the media and their own kind. Men are not as judgemental or shallow as newspapers and the old age hard core femi... (read in full...)
I moved up in life, and believe this is the cause for issues in my current relationship. Should I try and get back with my ex?
Q. I Have boyfriend who i have been with for two yrs and we have made it threw a lot of hardships our relationship is falling down the tubes, he wrecked my car just the other day we have been arguing non stop even before he had wrecked my car , i ...
A. 27 January 2011: Why not get rid of both men and focus on your own future. You seem to be relying on men too much for your own happiness. Your current boyfriend clearly isn't making the mark now, and isn't what you want.
But, at the same time, your ex is an ex for ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive my girl friend for being ungrateful?
Q. I want a break from my Girlfriend because she returned a gift I bought for her. I love her and have been with her for 4 years, This is the first terrible thing she ever done to me! Must I forgive her? She returned a cellphone and wanted a blackbe...
A. 27 January 2011: That's what I thought too. It's basically one sentence that was missed out. "which phone do you want?". I only know all about this because I've been there. That's why I do the list thing.:)... (read in full...)
I used up all my ideas in my last gift. Now I need new ideas please to fill the Valentine box for my bf?
Q. I have painted and decorated this heart shaped box for valentines day for my bf. I don't know what to put inside though. I got rid of all the special things like cinema tickets, train tickets to see each other etc etc in the last gift I made him ...
A. 27 January 2011: I have an idea. But it takes nerve, so I hope you have it. What you do, is buy some sexy lingerie and place it in the box. Then write him a note telling him that his present is you in the lingerie and a day in bed, and place it in the box. Then give ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive my girl friend for being ungrateful?
Q. I want a break from my Girlfriend because she returned a gift I bought for her. I love her and have been with her for 4 years, This is the first terrible thing she ever done to me! Must I forgive her? She returned a cellphone and wanted a blackbe...
A. 27 January 2011: @ Annalisa - It's not always about men not listening to 'what women want' - sometimes women are very bad at either changing their minds, or don't explain themselves, as is the case here. He DID discuss this with her.
He spoke to her about gett... (read in full...)
Should I forgive my girl friend for being ungrateful?
Q. I want a break from my Girlfriend because she returned a gift I bought for her. I love her and have been with her for 4 years, This is the first terrible thing she ever done to me! Must I forgive her? She returned a cellphone and wanted a blackbe...
A. 27 January 2011: You did a good thing, and it backfired. It's okay for something to backfire now and again. No one can always get it right.
If this is the first time that she's done something like this, then suck up the pain and let it go. And next time when buyi... (read in full...)
Was it a good idea to let him go as a friend?
Q. My best mate treats me like crap..ive tried so hard for my mate and my boyfriend to be friends so i can have both the people i love around me and i want to spend time with him and my boyfriend at the same time ..but hes just being so stubborn..he ...
A. 27 January 2011: Your friend was never a friend. Yes, you did the right thing getting rid of him. ... (read in full...)
His kids are always sick!
Q. I am currently pregnant and expecting my first child with a man who has 3 children from a previous relationship. His children come over and visit every 2nd weekend. One of his kids is ALWAYS sick though... Ever since I first met her she either has a ...
A. 27 January 2011: Do not even attempt, in any way, to block him from doing what is his duty. Or you will wind up on scrap heap very, very quickly.
It IS his duty to take care of his sick children, whether you are pregnant or not. I had chicken pox when my moth... (read in full...)
Wondering is this right where our children are concerned?
Q. I have recently started having really strong feelings about my ex sister in laws ex partner he feels the same way about me.We both have children that are cousins and im wondering is this ok for us to b in a relationship in the future.We are not ...
A. 27 January 2011: This would most definitely cause confusion and pain for the children, no matter how old they were. Even if they were in their twenties etc, there would be some resentment. The cousins would become confused as to who were the parents, what was ... (read in full...)
I really wanna know where I went wrong so I don't make the same mistakes with others!!
Q. Some background info: I was married now I'm not. I am in my mid 20s. Anyway I went with my girlfriends to Florida and met this great guy. He was genuinely nice (trust me we did analyze him), wanted to know about me as a person and had long convers...
A. 27 January 2011: As I see it, there are two reasons for why this fell apart so quickly.
1 - Whilst you didn't like to him, you did omit the truth about having kids and having been married. Like it or not, at a youngish age that will have a huge effect on whet... (read in full...)
Erection problems since my injury
Q. I got shot in a car jacking about 4 months ago and had to have back surgery they put 2 rods in my back to hold my spine together. The dr released me back to work but I've been having major issues getting and keeping an erection. If I do get one it ...
A. 27 January 2011: I think you should go back to the doctor. This could be a physical thing, or it could be a mental thing. The only real way to tell is to go to the doctor. ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to expect that my husband spend time with me on the few Sunday's that I'm free?
Q. Hi, Im. 25 yrs old and married for 2 yrs and been together for 8 yrs . Im a doctor and have a a very hectic life . My husband has always been the guy who likes his alone time , and " space " . I get about a sunday or two free in a month rest of ...
A. 27 January 2011: I think you need to seriously talk about your marriage. In no way is it natural for a married man to seriously avoid his wife this much, and lie to her about where he is. You have a few days off, yet he won't spend them with you. What husband does ... (read in full...)
Why does she still want to talk when she ended our affair?
Q. I have been seeing a married woman for about 8 months. I’m single. She decided to stay where she. I do love this gal and have for years before this started. I love talking with her. We have weekend places very close to each other. Before we got done ...
A. 27 January 2011: I think she likes the idea of having you there tied to her by a piece of string. She'll give a little tug, and you'll be there.
This just shows how little she respects both her husband and you. She won't make a proper go of her marriage, but at t... (read in full...)
I'll never be happy with my boyfriend till he lets this go
Q. I have a boyfriend that is very insecure about himself. He was this way before our relationship, but I made it much worse. See, I was not over my first boyfriend when I started dating him. He was my rebound guy. I compared him to my ex and said some ...
A. 27 January 2011: He'll never let this go. I'm afraid the damage here has been done for some time. Admittedly he was insecure beforehand, but I don't see any way of him being able to get over what you've done if it has been three years. He will always resent you for ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 3 years got a random chick pregnant!
Q. My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. and In October before halloween we had broke up. For a while he made me believe that he wanted to be single and have fun with his friends, but comes to find out he got someone at his work that he works ...
A. 27 January 2011: Of course you'll find someone else. The idea you won't is the feeling that you have at the moment because rather than choose to cut this guy out, you've pandered to him a bit and he's got you a bit wrapped up.
The fact is, it appears as if this... (read in full...)
One month into this LDR and he wants to move in together, marriage, babies....the lot! Should I run away as fast as I can?
Q. Hi. I am in a LDR with someone I've only known for a month. Never met and ended up talking over the internet on my web page. I have been trying to avoid relationships at any cost because I was engaged back in October but I broke it off with my ...
A. 27 January 2011: Yes, run. What K_c said. ... (read in full...)
Should I go to this party where there's a chance I could cheat on my boyfriend in a moment of weakness?
Q. Im going away for the weekend because i've been invited to a birthday party ...but my boyfriend is going away too and i was moaning to him about how hes gonna cheat on me ..but the thing is the party im going to has this guy who fancies me and said ...
A. 26 January 2011: No. Don't go. And perhaps more importantly if you think you're weak enough to cheat, look carefully at the relationship you have now before something else goes wrong. ... (read in full...)
I love him & he loves me, but he has a girlfriend! How do I win him over?
Q. My issue is confusing me. I'm absolutely head over heals for this guy at work, but he has a girlfriend. Truth is he has been with this girl almost 2 yrs and he complains about her every single day to me. I'm sure he cares about her, but he has just ...
A. 26 January 2011: The point is, why hasn't he left this woman for you? You asked that yourself. And you were right to.
No matter how much you love this man, if he will not leave his girlfriend, then there is no relationship to even bother with.
So, perhaps you need... (read in full...)
My wife now earns more than me and blame me contributing less
Q. We are together for 8 years(4 before and 4 after marrage). She was a student when we met. We had the most wonderful relation before marriage and until we have our daughter. Till then my income was the only financial source. Though it was not enough ...
A. 26 January 2011: Forget about the money, address the marriage! If she is that money orientated, why kill yourself for her? I'd start to seriously look at whether you want to be in a marriage with a woman who thinks so little of you, and more of your paycheck. ... (read in full...)
Power shift in a relationship?
Q. In a relationship why would power shift from one person to the other? Nothing personal just a bit of research for a book I'm writing :) ...
A. 26 January 2011: Illness, job loss, affair, money, children. The list is endless. Just about any little problem that you can think of can turn into a power shift depending on the circumstances. ... (read in full...)
The thoughtless way my bf's father speaks upsets me. What can I do about this?
Q. Hi everyone i'm a 20 yr old female and i have been with my boyfriend (19) for over 15 months. We live together, like most girls i have a problem with his ex, however they never were really an item she just messed him around. He hasn't seen her sinc...
A. 26 January 2011: I've seen this a few times, with my own father and his own father. Basically, your boyfriend's Dad fancied the ex. That's why he goes on about her. DO NOT repeat that to your boyfriend (that would ruin the lot). But I'm 100% sure that his father ... (read in full...)
Is this relationship okay?
Q. Ive recently enetered a relationship with my x sister in laws x partner, we both have children that are cousins, we're not planning on letting kids in on it till alot later, is this wrong? [Mod note: commas inserted to make this more legible.]...
A. 26 January 2011: I'm not sure this is a good idea. This could screw your kids up to be honest. ... (read in full...)
Should I walk away and hope he finds someone on one of his dating sites?
Q. My partner and i parted at the beginning of the year, it was i who ended it, as i felt we couldn't carry on anymore as we were. He and i have 2 kids and he now lives with his mum. There were many issues relating to us splitting. Far too many to ...
A. 26 January 2011: Do walk away.
I think you'll find that like a lot of people on dating sites, he's lying. He just says he wants to meet someone 'honest and clean'. The truth is he's the liar. He'll treat the others badly as well.
The fact is, this man moving o... (read in full...)
Do I fess up to my real age?
Q. I am 16 years old and recently went on a dating site (which i no i shouldnt have done) and have got chatting to a 22 year old. We are getting on really well and he seems to like me. Only problem is he thinks i'm 18. So do i tell him my true age and ...
A. 26 January 2011: You basically have to. Or he might well think you're lying about everything else as well. ... (read in full...)
How did my ex forget about me so quickly? Is there any chance he misses me?
Q. [Mod Note: 2 questions from the same OP merged into one post] I was in a Relationship with a guy for 1.5 years. We lived together. He always told me I was the woman of his dreams and we were already talking about marriage. One day we went out for ...
A. 26 January 2011: The fact is, this man put you in hospital. He never loved you in the first place, that's why he treated you like he did.
1 - This might or might not be a rebound. To be honest, I don't think he gave a damn in the first place, and I don't think he g... (read in full...)
Shall I apologize over the phone, by text or to his face or not at all?
Q. Hi, I just spent 5 days with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 18 months and have spoken about marriage. In the last month we have been spending more time together and bickering more and more. I have been particularly needy and i...
A. 26 January 2011: I don't think you need to apologize at all. You weren't well, and all he really did was moan about it. You are right, he was quite cruel. So I think rather than apologize, you should pay a lot of attention to the way he treats you from now. ... (read in full...)
Is my wife still attracted to me?
Q. Me and my wife have been married about 2 years now and we have a beautiful baby girl. However recently our sex life seems to have plummeted. Nowadays I can be romantic and seduce her, or I can come close to begging, yet she rarely ever will accept ...
A. 26 January 2011: I think the key to this mystery is 'beautiful baby girl'. I'm willing to bet that your sex life has plummeted because if that.
She might be tired (let's face it, having a baby it pretty tiring. 9 months of carrying a baby followed by brea... (read in full...)
What do I do now that a friendship that I thought was golden is now tarnished with lies?
Q. About 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend and I started having some problems. At that time, I vented to a close guy friend, who, after hearing me out, commiserating, and joking around to cheer me up, professed his constant attraction to me. Flattered, I ...
A. 26 January 2011: To be fair to your boyfriend, he sounds like he's quite mature, and was even expecting something like this to happen. So I honestly wouldn't be too concerned about what this other 'friend' says.
As for this this 'friend', I think that you need to c... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my husband tell me where he is going when he leaves?
Q. 1.My husband everytimes he leave the house or come home even he go out of country he seldom to tell me where he went ? 2.He always hide me what is doing with his works ? what should I do with these situation ? ...
A. 26 January 2011: Before confronting, it might be a good idea to do some digging to fin out what he's up to.
The other posts are right, this is a problem, and it is disrespectful. He needs to come clean about what's happening.
But, I also know that without ... (read in full...)
Why is he always talking about how he likes girls with dark skin when he is in a relationship with me?
Q. So I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. He is 34 I'm 19. Another thing that I don't understand is that he likes dark skin girls but I'm light skin. He likes girls with a big butt and curvy but I have boobs and skinny. He likes girls with no ...
A. 26 January 2011: Overall, I think you're with the wrong guy. Maybe he's getting a thrill from being with a 19 year old, maybe he's trying to change you, maybe he's really that insensitive. But if you allow a man to start destroying your confidence now, you'll ... (read in full...)
Would it be better for everyone if I had an abortion?
Q. This is complicated but here goes... I got back together with my ex boyfriend about 4 months ago. He is going through a divorce. We have two kids and 5 and 9. I found out last week that I am pregnant. We have been keeping our relationship on the ...
A. 26 January 2011: He isn't the one who has to have the abortion. You are. And he's not the one who has to live with it either.
I suppose this is one time where men have the get out of jail free card. We don't have a say in abortions, and therefore are effe... (read in full...)
Should I win her back or let her go?
Q. So, this girl and I had been datng for a month and in that month everything seemed to be going perfect! I had feelings for her that I hadnt had for my previous girlfriend after 8 months. And then suddenly she missed her ex. Her and her ecx hadnt ...
A. 25 January 2011: Do not take her back. At all. She has no idea about what she wants, and that means that you'll wind up scorched.
You had been dating for one month before she realized she missed her ex. That means she's not over her ex. That means not matter what... (read in full...)
Boyfriend seen with another guy in the room, assumed the worst
Q. Please Help! My Boyfriend caught another guy in our room! Okay so this is what happened. I had a boyfriend who was living with me. Saturday morning he picked up his things and broke up with me because we argued about the father of my children...
A. 25 January 2011: There are a lot of things happening here that need addressing.
1 - You are a mother, and never again can you afford to put yourself in a situation where you are so drunk you don't know what's happening. Your kids will not exactly be happy if one ... (read in full...)
When upset, my boyfriend talks about me behind my back
Q. My boyfriend of a year has his up days and his down days. My question is though, during his rough days and we argue should it be okay for him to talk and complain about me behind my back. He did it once in front of his sister and he does it on ...
A. 25 January 2011: Everyone bitches behind their partner's back. You can't expect him not to. People have to talk and vent. That's the only way things get worked out. Unless the things he is saying are that bad, I think it would be too controlling to expect him to not ... (read in full...)
I don't want to live with my parents anymore. Should I ask my married sister for help?
Q. Ok, So I don't want to live with my parents anymore. They are fine parents but they just dont understand me. So im looking into boarding schools to get away from them, but from the looks of it that won't happen. We are not the richest family out ...
A. 25 January 2011: You can certainly try to ask your sister for help.
But - be warned. She's a newly-wed, and whilst she might understand, that new husband of hers might not. That could lead to a major argument/disagreement and at least one person being seri... (read in full...)
Boyfriend told me if I don't stop calling so much he will dump me!
Q. Dear Cupid I kind of panicked today since my bf of an year was heavily flirting with an other girl in IM. I snooped around his computer ( i know i shouldnt have done), and found out this and panicked and tried to call him 4-5 times within 4 h...
A. 25 January 2011: All your chances? What chances?
This guy has already dumped you twice, and you've discovered that he's been heavily flirting. Are you not even a little bit suspicious that he's cheating and just using you. Because I am!
He doesn't seem interest... (read in full...)
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