A
male
age
30-35,
*3puremage1
writes:I have decided to fight for the girl I love even though she is in a relationship with someone else. I understand I am doing something extremely unethical and horrible but I just could not persuade myself to stand there like an idiot and watch them.This couple does not contact each other in school and they are like strangers. I am a very good friend with this girl and she tells me a lot of stuff. She knows that I love her since I have told her everything I have done for her. After school, they nearly have no chance to communicate since they are in different years and they are both far too busy. They only contact through text and Facebook message. The boy had never commented on her status and photos. I understand this journey will be long and painful because this is how these kinds of things are like. More importantly, I am prepared for this. Please give me advices on how to get the heart of this girl. I know what I am doing will be unethical and tough But Please offer me any advices or any books that will be useful.
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female
reader, Aura Answers You! +, writes (14 January 2011):
Dear,
Let her go okay and no friendship, its just false hope. If you see her hello how you doing and go your business. Tell her how you feel and let her go. if she wants you she knows actually where to find you....
This isn't an essay answer, short and sweet my dear...
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Dont be the macho guy who tries to break up a girl and her guy. Just show her what an amazing person and friend you are and you will win her over. If she doesn't see you for the amazing person I'm sure you are, then she isn't worth it.
She won't forgive you if she believes that you are trying to destroy her current relationship.
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A
female
reader, Jah  +, writes (14 January 2011):
I recommend you find another girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): well in the movies they always romanticize the guy who fights for the girl even though she is with a boyfriend already. Of course in the movies they make it conveniently black and white - the boyfriend is always evil or a jerk while the new guy is always honest and kind and caring. In the end, he fights for her, the boyfriend shows his true colors and just how evil and a jerk he is, thus justifying why he deserves to have his girl stolen from him, and the girl goes for the new guy.
real life isn't that black and white. No one is a complete jerk or a complete good guy like in the movies. Although, speaking from experience (I'm in my late 30s) many people get together and even marry people for the wrong reasons, to people who treat them bad, and their decisions to stay with such partners are not based on love but on insecurity.
Not telling you what to do here, just saying if this girl really isn't interested in you at all (whether she has a boyfriend or not is really beside the point), it's pointless to try to pursue her. If she really wants to be with her boyfriend, you trying to split them up won't work because that will not make her want you.
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (13 January 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah you guys are right, I will just be a good friend of her and let see what will happen in the future.
I know I nearly committed to do some really stupid things but I seriously can't persuade myself to give up.
Thanks for the advices
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 You seem to justify your thinking with a lot of rationalizations; therefore you feel like the 'right guy for her' in this pursuit. Let's leave all the things that you have used to prove to yourself that you are "in the right" and put them to one side for the moment.
How would YOU feel if someone swept aside your own feelings and made decisions for YOU? Are you even being a good friend to this girl by obsessing over her but ignoring how she feels; or are you turning her into something on a pedestal, objectifying her? Doesn't sound right, does it?
One thing that you have to accept in the process of growing up and becoming a mature adult is accepting the things that you can and cannot change, and then using that to make decisions. In the end, You cannot change other people, you can only change yourself.
Time to head out in a few different new directions, hang out with a few new groups and try a few new pursuits; instead of clinging onto the hopes of a relationship other than friendship with this girl.
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A
male
reader, sam44 +, writes (13 January 2011):
My friend don't let emotions and pride ruin your vision. Let them be and find your own girl, or be labeled as a stalker. Be a real dude... respect others and be progressive! Don't pick up such a bad habit at your age, do you understand?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Anyone so single minded with such an fixation, sounds more like someone demonstrating obsessional behaviour patterns.
This does not sound healthy, sorry, but that is how this comes across.
Most of us have fallen for someone at some point in life that may be already in a relationship, but very, very few of us will 'ask for advice' on how to split the couple up. They will graciously accept the decision of the person with whom they desire does NOT feel the same way, lick their wounds for a while, and keep their distance. Until or IF the person is once again single. The likely chances at your age, this is something that will happen anyway, so why not keep your cool, be nice, but don't act out any situations to force the situation in your favour.
It looks desperate, and that is not appealing to anyone.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 January 2011):
 How would you define 'last moment' here? When she's 95 and her husband finally dies?
Fighting for what you want sounds like a noble thing, but a wise person knows when to fight and when to retire gracefully to the sidelines. A fool wastes his time by fighting a fight that isn't really a battle at all.
She either is single or she is not. She either is interested in you or she is not. If you start acting like some stalker lovesick puppy thing, you are going to make yourself completely unwanted even as a friend by this girl. She's going to think you are weird and bizarre.
Time to practice being mature.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): OP, it's entirely your choice but don't hold your breath. Just remember she's happy with her boyfriend, if you care about her i'm sure you'd want her to be happy. Don't just go through with it for your own selfish desires.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 January 2011):
You have to - otherwise you'll look desperate, and a little bit of a stalker.
If she was single, it would be worth it. But she has made it clear she's not interested, and all you'll do is lose her as a friend and wind up looking bad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Why do you want to be with her? If you know well enough that she's with someone else and she tells you everything and she knows how you feel about her and yet she does not show you any interest in you like that, why do you want to break them up? Do you think it will get any better than how it is now if you and her were seeing each other? And what happens if the two of you are dating each other and then another guy comes along and wants to do the same thing you are wanting to do (break them up cause you want her) and she decides she's going to break up with you to be with him. I would just stand by and be a good friend with her. She knows how you feel about her. She still wants to be with the other guy. You are still young. You will find someone that is so much into you. Someone that wants you as much as you want them. Someone that won't take your words and not do anything with it but will shine and want to date you. There are other women out there as you get older that will be even more so than this one. You will find someone, but be patient. : )
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (13 January 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah you guys are right but just somehow I can't persuade myself to give up. I understand I am those kind of people who like compete and fight until the last moment.
I am kind of half torn too but I just can't persuade myself to give up.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 January 2011):
You've already lost before you've even started. This girl already knows you like her, and she has done nothing about it. What does that say? It says that she is, in fact, really in this boyfriend of hers and doesn't fancy you.
I'm sorry, but you need to move on. It's clear that she is with her boyfriend, and it's clear she doesn't feel the same way about you.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 January 2011):
 All you can do is tell her how you feel and see if she feels the same way. If she doesn't, then you need to respect that.
You may only be seeing what you want to see. They may also be communicating on, I don't know, the phone, so of course that doesn't show up on facebook.
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A
female
reader, Lizprinz  +, writes (13 January 2011):
You cannot break up a couple or steal a girl unless she wants to be stolen. You could always try to win her heart and if she fancies you she will leave her current boyfriend. The way you describe their relationship, it doesn't seem something serious, and besides you guys are very young. Go for it, it will only be painful if she doesn't return your affections. But by then I'm sure you can fin another girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): What's the point in trying to break them up if she doesn't want a relationship with you?
I think you need to find another single girl to be interested in. Not once have you mentioned she likes you as anything more than a friend.
You can't "win her heart". She either likes you in that way or she doesn't.
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