A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have this guy who has been interested in me for years I like him but he is married with kids, he is having problems and said he would give up eveything for me but I dont feel right as other people will get hurt, I would have a relationship with the guy I like but I dont want to be or seen that I was the cause of his break-up he is the one making the moves, I have said I would like to get involved. he says he unhappy at home as his partner does not help him he does everything. I know we feel for each other and I have even put distance between us but always seem to get together. all we have done is kiss he does flurt with me alot but Im scared as I dont want to get into a relationship that will end up people getting hurt I know his situation and I think its up to him Iam single and adult enough to do the right thing but I need your advice. he has given his misses an ultimatum six months and its over, but why is he always interested in me dont understand he knows I know he married and I would not get involved uless it is over between him and his wife. but I do care and like him alot. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, hardworking-guy  +, writes (24 February 2017):
With kids, and therefore a very bitter costly divorce ahead is it really worth setting yourself up for all the trouble?
Seen people having affairs with girlfriends sister etc. and it gets beyond nasty. Unless he wants to divorce his wife and has a clear plan for it you should be very careful. His wife will know how to pull his levers ...you have not started learning yet and you never know someone until you have lived with them.
Caution.. she may even be a bunny boiler but thats his problem.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): You need to run as fast as you can. He is a liar. He will lie to get what he wants. i have wasted over 2 years. We are borh married and we are actually all friends. I have finally realized i do not ever want to go down that road. I don't want him to leave his wife for me nor do I want to leave my husband. It was a mistake. A learning lesson. I know we care about eachother, been friends for a long time but thats all it is. either hes a friend or nothing at all. Lead a simple clean life and be proud and honourable in your actions. Don't trespass, that is what your doing. yes....its hard but it will be harder when your called everything under the sun, and for what?? is it worth it?? It will be easier now to leave, trust me....if you dont it always ends in heartache. All relationships have no gaurentee, it is a chance you take, don't hurt someone because of your selfish reasons. Don't. Especially if he has children. They will hate you and you will always be looked at as a homewrecker.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Stop right now, and tell him not to contact you unless and until he is divorced. Only when he is divorced then should you start a relationship with him. make it black and white, no ambiguity.
Don't accept any excuses like he is going to leave for sure so why not just start something now...
Tell him you don't want to hear any thing about his marriage or his wife because frankly what goes on between him and her is none of your business. It doesn't affect you in any way how bad his marriage is, or how he feels about her...etc etc....that's between him and her only. All you need to know is, are they divorced or not, yes or no.
he must end his old relationship cleanly before he can start a new one with you.
Marriage is a package deal that includes some good parts as well as the bad parts. The bad parts make him want to leave and be with you. But he isn't willing to give up the good parts that's why he hasn't left yet despite being interested in you for years.
You should be firm about this, because if you slip into a relationship with him when he isn't divorced you're now having an affair. And if he finds that he can 'have' you without having to sacrifice whatever good parts are in the marriage, he will have less incentive to ever get a divorce because he's getting all his needs met or at least he's more comfortable than he was before, and you will be stuck in a holding pattern of just being an affair.
Being in an affair will wreck havoc on your emotional health unless you treat it as just sex and nothing more (most people can't do that though so don't think you'll be the exception, I thought I could do it but I couldn't). You will develop feelings or emotional bonds with him yet be unable to have him to yourself in a real relationship doing normal couple things and this is very unsatisfying and eventually gut wrenching. The more you feel for him the longer you will wait for him to leave his wife but he won't because he's comfortable where he is having you yet not having to give up anything. so don't even start down this road. take it from me, I been there.
Married men need to realize that marriage is an all-or-nothing package deal. You either keep everything (and put up with the crap) or you give up everything (including the good). No in between by having an affair to fill in the missing pieces. Don't enable this.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 January 2011):
Then he can get a divorce, sort his own life out and come to you when he's single.
Please, please don't fall for a married man's crap! the mere fact that he gave his wife a six month ultimatum shows that he just wants you as a bit on the side.
He's a man who's after having his way with two women. And if you do anything, then you'll be the one who comes off the worst. I bet his wife is, in fact, a very good woman. The rubbish you hear is the same tale every mistress has been told for the past thousand years.
Go find a single guy instead.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (15 January 2011):
 The likelhood is he is not going to leave his wife for you, you say he has been interested in you for years, so why has he not taken action during this time. I think in time if you keep this going things will progress between the two of you, so ultimately you become the mistress, or bit on the side, however you want to term it. He will be having his fun with you, then slipping back to the marital bed when he feels like it. This is no way to go on, the only ending is one of heartache and upset, so my advice would be to get out now before things develop further, and find someone who does not have marital ties.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): They always said the same things, but they're lying. they just said it to get into your pants. NEVER believe a married man, if they wanted to , they've leave their family. I'm living that heart ache for believing a jerk who made me look like a fool for 4 years. It hurts when you realize, but is a lesson to learn.
Good Luck!
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