A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it healthy for a man to masturbate even if his live in girlfriend will give it to him whenever he wants? Do I have a right to be upset if he rejects having sex with me time to time yet masturbates instead..keep in mind, two days in a row wihtout sex is an eternity to me..I want it everyday and he doesnt. Sometimes I feel like he would rather masturbate. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, buffpuff +, writes (15 January 2011):
He's doing it again..In seven days he's rejected having sex with me several times but masturbated shortly after instead. Someone please tell me I have the right to be concerned/upset! I tried earlier today and no response from him, yet after I left the room so he could take a nap (which lasted 45 mins) he satisfied himself instead! It's very hurtful and makes me think he doesnt want me...
A
female
reader, buffpuff +, writes (13 January 2011):
Thanks so much to everyone's responses! I think you may have saved my relationship for the time being. Ive dealt with this for about 6 months now (i never realized what was going on until then) on my own with no one to confide in. I was too embarrassed and as a last resort I googled to see if there was a website like this that may provide guidance. It's embarrassing and I wouldnt want my friends to know...it makes me feel insecure and rejected, something Ive never felt (sexually) before now. Honestly, I think im used to the guys who only want me for sex, and now that im in a real relationship (with my best friend of 10 years)I dont understand why he would rather please himself than do it with me...at least now i realize it is somewhat normal and acceptable. Ive never been this close to a man in my life and Ive never had to work so hard to make a relationship work..i usually just tell them to kiss it! Thanks again!
...............................
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (13 January 2011):
I'll risk being in the minority opinion and say that if a man has a gf as willing to satisfy him as you are, then he should never need to resort to masturbation. If I'm being honest, the only times I masturbate are when I don't have a willing woman to have sex with. I'm not saying that masturbation can't be a part of a healthy life, but in my opinion it should always be a man's "plan b" to actual intercourse. If he prefers it to having sex with you, even if it is only on occasion, then I'd see that as an issue. In 10 years of marriage, the only times I ever masturbated where when my wife turned me away. If she never said no, then I'd never have needed to do it!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Rejecting sex with you and choosing to masturbate instead, you don't say if this is when you've not made love in a while, and he's choosing to masturbate over you, in which case you might question it.
Or do you mean you've had sex lots, and he just wants to enjoy himself masturbating in between from time to time?
The latter would be normal and healthy, but the former would concern me. Masturbation is healthy, and men and women masturbate in and out of relationships, and if it's time to time, I shouldn't worry - it's natural!
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 January 2011):
It's perfectly healthy to masturbate. As someone once said to me, men are primates who just can't help but play with themselves. In fairness we're not quite that bad, but masturbation is something that men do, and it's perfectly healthy.
However, it's not healthy to reject a wife's/girlfriend's advances in favour of masturbation. I think you do need to speak to him about it, gently. Explain that you're worried he's rejecting you, and that you would like to be having more sex with him. See what he has to say.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 "Do I have a right to be upset if he rejects having sex with me TIME TO TIME yet masturbates instead..."
Time to time being the key words here... perfectly healthy and I think kicking up a fuss over something that happens time to time, just not worth it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Ive never approached on a regular basis just satisfying him...sure, ive done my fair share of pleasuring him without my needs being taken care of, but the question was is it normal for a man to masturbate rather have sex anytime he wants. Yes, I am always willing and ready, and he knows it! In the past 3 days now Ive tried to have sex with him 4 times and he has rejected me each time..yet i now for a fact he has masturbated..hes not very good at hiding it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Its healthy to beat off but when youre in a relationship thats def not healthy as it suggests/implies possible communication issues between the couple and also a problem solely on the man's behalf. Talk to him doll outside the bedroom calmly and hopefully you can figure this out :)
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 January 2011):
Yes, it's healthy for a man to masturbate even if he has a girlfriend that will give it to him whenever. However, it's not healthy for the relationship if he's replacing having sex with you with masturbation. I think you have a right to be upset if he's rejecting sex with you and masturbating instead. That would definitely raise some concern with me and I would be pretty pissed. It would definitely be a blow to any womans' self esteem. You def need to have a talk with him.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 OK, so masturbation is selfish. He can do it without worrying whether it's good for you. So that might be a starting point for the discussion you need to have. Is he just doing something where he doesn't have to make any effort to make it good for you? If you are genuinely willing to get him off with nothing for you, seriously no harm, no foul, any time? Cool, but I don't buy it. I've never heard of that kind of relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Why try him help you masterbate together when he doesn't nedd sex. I think you can make a compromising arrangement.
...............................
|
