A
female
age
41-50,
*enta
writes:Why are men Players??? Why do they have a daytime girl and a nite time girl??
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Not all men are like this..
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (10 January 2011):
 It's mathematically impossible for us to be that way, unless we're all sharing women.
Only a fraction of men do that - oddly enough, the fraction that gets multiple women overlaps with the guys women want most...
Cerberus is absolutely correct about players. They do it because women let them. Because women think they're special and can be the one special woman who can hold players in check. I think women are more willing to share guys, than the reverse - there's a reason polygynous cultures far outnumber polyandrous ones.
Some guys will always be jerks; some will always be nice. The bigger group in the middle who can go either way follows the incentives. There is very little incentive these days to settle for a relationship, so the group in the middle is going to swing towards the jerk end of the spectrum whenever they get the chance.
Honestly, I used to hate players for treating women so poorly, but as Cerberus pointed out, I eventually realized that women loved to be treated that way. The guys that are able to keep harems, always will.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (10 January 2011):
That's kind of generalizing men. I know plenty of women that have different guys for different things as well. Some men aren't ready to settle down yet and are selfish...so they have a few girls around to occupy their time since they don't like any of the girls enough to commit to them. I don't think that they actually do this to hurt women (even though it sometimes feels like it's on purpose) but they can get away with it, so they keep doing it until they're ready to commit or if they meet the right girl.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Well Jenta,
You have asked the question twice so I suppose we should toss out as complete of an answer as we can. Mostly I think you are hurt and lashing out, and rightfully so, so I will try to ignore all the man bashing.
Why are men players, or Why does a man cheat when he is in a relationship, or Why does anyone cheat?
One theory says that it is a biological imperative for men to have as many sexual partners as possible. The man produces an almost limitless supply of sperm. His best chances of continuing his genetic line is to spread it around everywhere. Now that may seem a bit barbaric, and it is, after all there are many wild animals who mate for life. But it is a valid theory, and this discussion wouldn't be complete without it. You can always say that he cheated because he was a victim of his hormones.
Another theory about cheating that applies as well to women as to men, is ego-centrism. Less mature people have a lot of trouble seeing things from any point of view other than their own. There is no magical age at which this is cured. Some people I am sure, never overcome it. They get so caught up in how much fun they are having that they honestly don't think that someone else would be hurt by what they are doing. Not so much insensitive as just having a huge blind spot.
You mentioned in you prior post insecurity. Certainly that is often true. Many people talk about the "back up plan". They don't fell secure in their own personality as you surmised. Or, and this is more painful, they don't fell secure in the relationship. They don't feel a solid commitment, so they feel open to other possibilities. You mentioned that the relationship was young so he may have not felt a solid connection yet.
That leads me to another possibility. Miss-communication and unshared expectations. Early in the relationship he may not have felt that he had a commitment to you that you assumed. Now I have no idea if that is the case but many people believe in dating more than one person at a time up until they make a formal commitment to each other.
One more to think about then I'm out of time and written too long.
Often if someone is cheating in a relationship it is because they are not satisfied with what they are getting, either physically or emotionally. They for some reason are unable to get what they want from their partner so they go looking to fill it in.
I hope something in there helps to settle your mind
FA
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I think its wrong to tar everyone with the same brush, of course there are some players out there, cheats, two timers, thats just life. There are as many nice guys out there as there are player's, its just a matter of finding them. If you keep meeting players maybe you should try somewhere different to meet guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Why not?
Beyond all the negative connotations to which there are many of being a player. It can be a hell of a lot of fun for the player. Life is about what you can get away with and if you don't mind hurting people then you can do and use pretty much whoever you want.
Women looooooooooooove players. Absolutely love them. I have a good friend who is a total player and you know who the easiest ones are to get for him, the ones that say they're too smart to get with players. The ones that know he's a player and think he's an asshole for it. They're his favourite too because it only takes him about half an hour to convince them that people are wrong about him, because he knows all the right things to say and girls lap it up. It's honestly fun to watch these girls go from absolute stern cold fish to purring kittens.
He told me why he does it and it was the most honest answer I've ever heard, he said he only does it because there are so many women willing to play along. Women will completely ignore their better judgment if you have a nice smile and say the right things. In that sense he said he doesn't feel bad at all, because his reputation in the city I'm from precedes him and he mainly goes for women that know he's a player anyway because he sees them as fair game. In a sense he has a point if these girls stuck to their principles and didn't get sucked in by sweet talk and charm then he wouldn't be able to do it. He's only a player because girls let themselves be used by him, they know what he's about yet they take the chance anyway. The same applies to maneatter women that use guys.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I think there are just as many women doing that as men, they are just a bit "sneakier" about it.
Seems like you got your hands on one, so let him go. He's find someone else to "play" with.
Sometimes you have to kiss a few toads.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Not all men are, and women are just as capable of behaving the same.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 January 2011):
To answer the loaded question - like everything else that drives humanity - its evolution. Men are "programed" by our history to mate with as many women as possible to maximize the probability of reproductive success. Woman are "programmed" by history to get one man and keep him around so he can assist with child rearing.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I am a woman but most friends of mine are males and I feel comfy with them than female friends (blame it to my Dad, lol. He always bring me along with him) but not all men are player. Maybe having fun and enjoy flirting with women but if there are women who are willing to play with them, they will. My Dad and my brother told me once " We play because we can".
If there are men who you feel are playing with you, just speak out and upfront tell them you are not into it...and they won't come to you and they will look elsewhere. SIMPLE AS THAT I GUESS.
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A
female
reader, Secretlife  +, writes (10 January 2011):
I think they are players because they havent found the right women to get them in check. They mess with girls that allow them to treat them like that.
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A
female
reader, Secretlife +, writes (10 January 2011):
I think they are players because they havent found the right women to get them in check. They mess with girls that allow them to treat them like that.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Not ALLmen are cheaters if that's what the term "players" is refering to. If a man is in a commited relationship he may or may not "wander" to experiment. We men are terribly insecure by nature and need tons of reinforcement in whatever we do, work,love,sports, shopping,etc. It makes no diference
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 January 2011):
I think that's a bit unfair. We're not all like that. But the ones that are like that do it because they can. Simple as that. Hence why women should always avoid players.
If you're having trouble with players, then the best thing to do is to have a look at the type of guys you're attracted to. It could be that you fancy the type of man who us a player.
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A
male
reader, als77  +, writes (10 January 2011):
I'm sorry, but I have to correct you: Why are SOME men players...
I have asked myself the same question after watching some (few) of my male friends. I guess the answer has to do with the sexual appetite and (more important?) a disrepect of women (or people in general) and/or sex. Although we are all selfish, some people (majority men???) think that it totally just to neglect every other persons feelings if they are pleased by it.
However I do not defend such an attitude, and I don't think it is an excuse.
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