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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: A bit of a mental/relationship question:: My boyfriend and i have been going out for almost two years and before i was with him i suffered from bouts of depression. this fall, because of college, we were forced to live 4 hours apart. I now suffer from scary dreams and high anxiety.. i find myself dizzy at times and often cry myself to sleep. I love him but this is stressing our relationship. I get mad or upset over the weirdest most insignificant things..but when we are together..i am all good again. I love this man but my mood swings are pulling us apart. I often find myself convincing myself that he doesn't love me or that we aren't meant to be together, however, i believe its the anxiety and distance talking. i need help please...any tips to keep me happy. any theories as to whats happening inside my mind...is this a medical condition? or the common hardships of a relationship? please help me... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 hi
this is called negative thinking and being anxious about being away from your boyfriend. identify the 'thoughts you are having' keep a journal. write down the triggers of these thoughts as well, ie where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, events that lead up to the feeling.
identify the negative thought and try to come up with a more positive angle about the situation. this technique is cognitive behavioural therapy (changes the way you FEEL about the situation) try to get into the 'habit' of looking for positives in everything, for instance, i will try to repeat for you the post you had written but in a positive way..
"i used to suffer from depression sometimes. that was before i met my boyfriend though. we are at college getting educated to give ourselves a better chance to get good careers in the future. unfortunately this means that we don't see each other as much as we both want to (but its great when DO get together!) and i miss him so much that i cry sometimes before i go to sleep, but after i have had that release of crying, i can then sleep. i get frustrated over silly little things at times but i KNOW that this is because i love him so much that missing him stresses me out.
i feel so happy when i am with him because i love spending time with him. sometimes i know i am not easy to be with because of my moods, but he sticks with me anyway!
i sometimes allow negative thoughts to 'take root and grow', such as 'he doesn't love me' and 'we aren't mean't to be together' but at least i know why i think these things, it is just because the stress i feel sometimes makes me feel negative, its not because he behaves in an unloving way to me."
so get into the habit of stopping when you feel a negative thought coming on, and thinking about it in a different way. write things down if it helps to think more clearly about things.
have you got enough friends and family to have nice times with? make sure you have enjoyable things to do with your time, get out of the house as much as you can, or even find a hobby that you can enjoy at home. give yourself nice things to look forward to, anything just so that the relationship isn't the only thing you have got going on. get outdoors as often as you can, eat well, exercise, even making sure you drink enough water (1 to 2 litres a day) can have a great impact on your mood! helps to keep your brain hydrated so you can think more clearly! and remember, college is not gonna be forever, yes your sacrificing time that could be spent together now, but it will be well worth it in the long run
xx
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 It sounds to me as though you may be having some physical manifestations of anxiety or panic disorder and depression. I'd say why not be as healthy, emotionally, mentally and physically as you can? Why live in misery? Go see your doctor and describe your symptoms. There may be a perfectly logical physical explanation for it.
There's no need to live so unhappily and unhealthfully. Get the help you need! Of course, avoid self-medicating with illegal drugs or alcohol, eat right, good nourishing healthy food, exercise routinely, be sure you are tending to your own appearance and hygiene. There are loads of tips out there for good sleep practices as well, do some research about that and put it into practice. I am also a proponent of yoga and find that many people benefit from meditation. Find a good teacher near you and start practicing.
Take good care of yourself.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 January 2011):
There is a chance that this is a medical condition, actually. If you are experiencing serious bouts of depress, and you're having mood swings, then it's worth speaking to the doctor about it. This can only get worse for your relationship, and at least if you know whether you have a medical condition, you can work together to get through it.
I think you should speak to your doctor about how you're feeling, and see what he says.
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