A
female
age
30-35,
*ess1478
writes:Hello,Basically me and my ex broke up a few months ago. Since then a little drama has happened causing tension between us. Over the Christmas holidays he text me a little and shared with me some problems he had been having. Last night when we was both out at a club he was texting me and once we met face to face we exchanged words and communicated for the first time properly in a couple of months. It was really nice and once I had left he text me saying it was nice to see me. We ended up talking a little more and he wanted me to go to his but i didn't and he said maybe we could meet up tomorrow night (tonight). It is now tonight and his unsure about meeting. He says he doesn't want to go backwards and last night he just got caught up with seeing me and how nice it was.I know deep down he does want to meet up but something is stopping him...which is understandable because obviously his properly thinking this through but why is he so indecisive about this?I know this might sound crazy but i have a gut feeling/instinct that we aren't over yet and something is going to happen or we're meant to be.I guess what i need help with is how do i make him see this? Obviously i cannot force him to see me if he doesn't want too but i know deep down he does. I want to be with him so bad and i know he does too even if he just thinks this a little bit right now. What can i do?!
View related questions:
broke up, christmas, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Honey, mabe this is just me, I've got a suspicious mind. But I must say that his sounds as the perfect excuse for turning you into an FWB : he can't be back with you officially because he has trust issues....but he still has feelings for you, so when you meet up he's likely to get carried away... because he's caught in the moment... because it feels so right and natural....
Bullshit my dear. But even if he is in good faith, that's not fair to you. It's time for him to decide if he wants in or wants out. If he can overcome his trust issues, fine.
If he can't- let him be and make sure he lets you be. All this meeting as friends , for old times sake ,will only have the inevitable conclusion to make you his plaything .
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Off course it is going to feel right and natural with him sweetie because he is your ex and you are comfortable with him and i bet you just imagined that you were both still together and that it felt like you both were still a couple and everything was great. But the more that happens the more it can develop in to a long line of heartache because you are building your hopes up for something that might never happen.
As for telling him how you feel i think the sooner you do it the better for yourself. Put your cards out there and then let him decide if he needs time then he can tell you he will get back to you in a few days. But for your own sanity the sooner the better hun. Goodluck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jess1478 +, writes (15 January 2011):
Jess1478 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo I leave it a couple of days before contacting him about this? Maybe give him time to think?I'm just so worried and anxious in case he rejects me, especially now. I know it was a mistake sleeping with him, but it didn't feel wrong. It felt right and natural and it was like we was right back to where we were a few months ago.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 January 2011):
I think you made a mistake by sleeping with him, if this guy doesnt trust you then there is no way he will get back with you and it will only make you feel worse by having sex with him believe me. It wont be a pretty path to go down you will end up feeling used and abused. You need to talk to him about his trust issues with you ask him why he cant trust you and tell him you will do whatever it takes in your power to show him that you can be trusted. If he doesnt take the oppertunity to let you work hard on showing him you can be trusted then believe me your only option is to walk away it may hurt at the time but in the long run it will be so much easier and healthier for you to walk away and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jess1478 +, writes (15 January 2011):
Jess1478 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know. I guess he didn't really think about it at the time? I know he does want to be with me but the trust issue is stopping him and it is such a ridiculous reason. Obviously I don't want him to think about all the bad things when his not with me. So what can I do?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 January 2011):
So...his trust issues prevent him from getting back with you officially, but not from sleeping with you occasionally ?
...............................
A
female
reader, Jess1478 +, writes (15 January 2011):
Jess1478 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so I saw him out last night...one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. He said he likes me and everything but he doesn't trust me and when his alone he thinks of all the bad things.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): The reason I was wondering why you broke up is to try to figure out why he's hesitating. It makes sense though if you two broke up because he needed space and if he's hesitating now, it seems like he still feels he needs space. But did he explain why he needed space? If he needed space because he wasn't sure about how he felt towards you, then this I'm afraid it doesn't look very good for you. And if he needs space because of personal issues --well this also is not looking good for you. I know you don't want to hear it, but it looks like you really have to move on. Think of it this way: You love him, so you'll respect his space and his choices. You may not like it, but you'll give him time. BUT. And this next part is important, because even though you may love him, you have to love yourself and respect yourself: Tell him how you feel, be honest with him, but also tell him that you respect his boundaries, but you will NOT wait for him. Then walk away and make sure he sees that you will not be looking back. And then whatever happens, happens. And I really wish you the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 January 2011):
You need to be straight out with him, if this scares him off then its obvious he doesnt want to commit to you, therefore you need to accept that and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jess1478 +, writes (14 January 2011):
Jess1478 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I have never and would never cheat on him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jess1478 +, writes (14 January 2011):
Jess1478 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe broke up in the summer..his choice because he wanted spaced. However during the break up he text me a lot. We're both at the same university which can make it awkward but recently his been quite friendly and the chat we had the other night was great. I just don't understand why his suddenly changed his mind when he was so up for meeting up the other night. Obviously i can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. But i know, even if it is just a little bit that he does want to meet up. I can understand why his so reluctant because his probably thinking it through as a bad idea and he said he doesn't want to go 'backwards' but it doesn't have to be a backwards step.
I'm not really sure what to do now because i really don't want to give up on this.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Why did you break up in the first place?
...............................
A
female
reader, Jess1478 +, writes (14 January 2011):
Jess1478 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel if I come right out and say it then it will scare him off or he will reject me because its such a forward thing to say. That's why I wanted to meet up with him so we can hang out/chill and then see where this is going. He seemed up for it yesterday but today he doesn't seem interested as he thinks it might be a bad idea.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 January 2011):
I would suggest that you tell him how you feel. He's either not as interested as you'd like to think, or he has no idea that you still really care.
Stop looking to make him see sense, and just tell him what you're feeling. It's the only real way to be sure.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): All you can do is talk to him and lay your cards on the table. Only then will you know his morives and desires.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 January 2011):
All you can do is be open and honest with him. Ok yes he did want to meet up with you but it sounds like he is really confused at the minute and you need to let him have time to make his mind up. I think thats what he needs most at the moment.
In saying that you need to be completely honest with him, tell him you want to be with him and that you feel that the both of you should be together and then leave it in his hands and let him decide then what he wants.
Goodluck.
...............................
|
