A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend is married..i know but he left his wife and stayed with his mother and our relationship bloomed. he recently found out that his mother has had him followed, knows all about me..she told him to go back home to raise his 2 girls..(mind you she is a good mother) but if he doesn't she will take his inheritence away. It's a lot of money. He went back to staying on the couch until we can figure out what to do. It's like a bomb fell on us both. I don't know what to do...help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Some of you understand grandmamma very well. So do I. This Gran is making her son to decide whether his mistress or his kids are more important. I actually applaud her. She is a wise woman.
The OP , as I said has big dollar signs flashing. Not once was 'love' mentioned here. I think she thought she landed her a$$ in the clover , thinking she was also going to inherit from the old lady (via this man). I do not blame this old woman for stipulating he gets back to his wife and kids and for him to dump his mistress. After all it is her money and if she was wise and has a lot to dish out, why not have rules.
OP, I think you should decide what is important, the Old ladys money or your morality.
Personally I think she should disinherit her son, let him fend for himself and not to be greedy waiting for his mamma to peg off. She should create a trust and leave all the money to her grandkids, perhaps even his wife.
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Sadly, there is nothing you can do in this situation.
It is her money and if she wants to have her son do back flips for her to earn her inheritance, then he either starts doing them or he doesn't.
He needs to decide (for himself) whether he's willing to take a gamble with you and whether to allow his mom to control his life. He's also a grown man and needs to fly on his own and go hide under his mom's apron strings and no amount of pressuring by your will make a difference.
By the way: if she succeeds, she'll continue to play this card for as long as he and she lives.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 January 2011):
 It's HER money, of course she can disinherit him as she sees fit.
It's up to him to figure out what he wants, money or you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): "It's a lot of money."
Who cares?
What is the relationship about, money or what?
The money is irrelevant, the 2 kids are not, the wife and marriage are not, and you are not, the question is his behavior.
If the money plays any role in this, in your mind or his or anyone else's, then the whole mess is not about love.
Why would she disinherit him?
For good reason, because that money should go to HIS CHILDREN and not to him and his mistress or his first wife. Smart grandparents make sure that THE CHILDREN are taken care of FIRST before the adults.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Although I don't agree with threatening people with money, I do think she is trying to do the best thing for him and his family. I'm not sure if you got involved before he left, but what you're doing is wrong.
Even if you end up with him you already have a ton of baggage which will most likely damage or destroy your relationship. Even if he is not swayed by the money factor, he will still be someone who cheated with you and possibly others and who is willing to abandon his wife and family. Is that really what you want?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Yeah I agree with someone eles, two can play this game. Do not let her see her grandkids. Your boyfriend also should put you before money. Who knows anyway, in the future she may like you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Speak to her about how she is curtailing her son's life.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 So your boyfriend can be bought for money. Imagine how it would be if he could stand on his own two legs and not be dependent on his mom. Is this the kind of man you want in your life, someone who can be bought, can't stand on his own legs and make his own money, and who lets his mom dictate him?
I would certainly loose respect for him. Sure, money is nice when you get it, but to make the important decisions in your life for money that's not even yours? Because yeah, that money isn't his. It's his mom's. She can spend it all if she chose to, and if she gives it to him when she is dead then that's his fortune, but not something he should be dependent on. Like I said, it's NOT his money.
What should you do? This is a decision for him to make. You on the other hand can rest assured that if he does choose the money he might not really be the kind of man you need in your life. Besides, as he is married he's already a cheat, so the total package doesn't look too good. Sorry to say so, you obviously think the world of this man, but what about facing the facts? He's married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Now if more mothers like this, more married men will remain faithful!(Lol)
Bottom line: he is married. He has kids with his wife. Even if he is thinking with his *ick, I am glad his mother intervened. She really does have his best interest at heart.
Personally I think you are seeing dollar signs and you want to beat the system. Seems like you also like his inheritance a bit too much. Speaks volumes!!!
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 January 2011):
He has to decide what's more important - money or you. He should not allow himself to be blackmailed in this manner. Personally, I'd throw the money in her face and ban her from seeing the grandchildren.
If he allow himself to be bullied this way, then you need to ask how important you really are. Also, when she dies, he may be able to sue for the money anyway.
To me, this sounds like a woman who is exercising far too much control for no good reason. So, either he picks the money or you. The fact that he went back to the couch of his mother suggests that maybe you should look elsewhere.
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