A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm very curious about this because I have been cheated on. I would reallly like to move past it, and still be in a relationship with this man. He has done everything he can to earn my trust back and I do completely trust him again. I don't think he would ever cheat on me again. I'm still unsure if I can get past being resentful and gain feelings back for him. We were dating for 4 months when it happened and it's been 7 months since then. I would really like to know if any of you have been cheated on and have gotten over it for the most part and are still with the person that did it to you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (12 January 2011):
 He needs to earn your trust back if you want to continue a relationship with him. I think you need to decide what you want to do here before you can move on to the next step.
Do you want to try and work things out with him? Is he willing to do the same? It's not going to be easy and you both are going to have to work at this extremely hard. Love is a risk, as cliche as that sounds, it is. Maybe you do make a wrong decision at least you made a decision and can learn from that.
Do you want to move on and find someone else? Finding someone new is hard, but you could find someone that you love even more than the man who cheated on you and he would be faithful.
I understand that you are in a difficult place right now. What do your instincts tell you to do? They are usually right.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI completely trust him because he's done everything he possibly can to regain it and has proven to me that he really wants to be with me for the rest of his life. I believe he cheated because he still had feelings for someone else. They flirted behind my back and because she was hurt and crying, he felt sorry for her and thats why he madeout with her. It hurts to think about. I think deep down inside of me that i think he didn't love me enough to give it a second thought and think before he acted. But i guess im just trying to believe that he didn't realize what was right in front of him. I do want to make things work with him, because i love him, and im afraid if i left him it might be a huge mistake. But i just dont feel the same way about him anymore and i want to move on and find someone who wouldnt cheat on me but im afraid to let go. He's everything i would want in a boyfriend or husband, except the part when he cheated. I don't know what to do... I don't want to make the wrong decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): my husband has emotionally cheated on me and before we were married physically cheated.
8 years of relationship and 6 years of marriage and I don't trust him and doubt I ever will. I truly believe that EARNING trust is one thing... RE-earning trust is nearly impossible
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 January 2011):
I was cheated on 6 months into a relationship, and I ended immediately. It turned out to be the best move could have made. I definitely have moved on, and have never had problems with trust since.
Of course, you stayed with your boyfriend, so your situation is different.
First of all, you need to know why he cheated. Was he drunk to the point where he made a stupid mistake? Or was he sober and did he know exactly what he was doing at the time.
Secondly, you need to know who he cheated with (friend/random girl/ex).
Thirdly, he needs to be totally, totally open and accept that you will need to time to be able to decide whether this can be fixed.
Finally, and most importantly, you need to decide whether it's worth bothering with a guy who've dated for just seven months, and who cheated within 4.
I would sit down and find out about the questions above. I you don't get good enough answers from him, then dump him. If he won't make an effort, dump him. And if you think that you can do better than a guy who cheats on you within 4 months dump him.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): "I do completely trust him again"
Why?
You have to understand the entire thing to really think like this. 4 Months into a relationship, that's really quick to be cheating. 7 Months after to "completely trust" is really quick as well.
What you need to realize, is that you probably don't know the entire story (definitely don't in the bigger picture) and it takes a long time, and usually professional help, to get to that point.
Read a couple of books, and try to understand yourself as well "After the Affair" "Surviving the Affair" and "Not Just Friends" are all good ones.
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A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 4 months into a relationship I would've walked from it. Then again once trust is betrayed it can sometimes recover but not all the time a leopard never changes it's spots and neither do cheater's. Myself though once my trust for someone has been dishonored and spat on I choose to let them wallow in their own deceit and move on so no I dont give 'second chances' to people after abusing my trust.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Yes it can, it takes time, but I think lots of couples work through this. As Honeypie said, 4 months if very early on for him to be cheating, but everyone makes mistakes and if you both want it there is no reason not to try.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I think it can, IF the one who cheated is remorseful and willing to step up and own their actions. It takes a LOT of time and a LOT of effort (on both parties) to get past it.
Personally, I would have walked away if it was only 4 months into the relationship.
You have barely begun to build trust as it is ad now it's totally shattered.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (10 January 2011):
I know a few different couples whose relationships survived through cheating, so it is possible. Personally I don't know how they do it, though. My ex-wife cheated on me, and the only thing that finally got me over the resentment and pain was when I moved on. I think it really depends on the type of person you are whether you can successfully cope with being cheated on, or whether the relationship will never recover.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (10 January 2011):
I have been cheated on (he never did anything physically with her) with my bf that I've been with for two years now and I've moved on from it. It takes time obviously and a lot of love from both of you and understanding.
Relationships can heal after a partner has cheated as long as you are both willing to make the relationship work, it can't be all one sided.
This is a really good page with some information on it for you.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Saving-a-Relationship-After-Cheating---You-Both-Have-to-Heal-First!&id=4221650
Go check it out and I hope it helps. It helped me a lot. It's not easy, but trust me, it's worth it.
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