A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i was dating a guy which i fell in love with deeply who broke it off with me cause he was being deported back overseas the next day and was married with a kid, and he loves her husband, since then i have gotten over him after many tubs of ice cream and yes had little set backs along the way, since then i have moved on and now has emailed me telling me that he is finishing with his ex and was in love with me, and wants to come over and see if we would work, my heart has always believed in second chances but my head keeps telling me other things. i am lost in emotion and confusion, please help, my friends told me i am a fool for opening the email for reading the email and should have deleted it and not read it
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-actions-speak-louder-than-words.html
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Curiosity killed the cat as they say. He dumped his wife for you and then dumped you for her using a bullshit deported excuse (how the hell does he propose to come back if he was deported?) now things aren't working out with his wife, or they've come up with a great way of getting a visa and all the while his kid is living in a merry-go-round of a family with a father who cheats and bails whenever the mood suits him.
No offence ladies but you're all hopeless romantics advising her to give him another go but to be "careful".
Sorry OP but you should listen to the guys on this one. We know what he's doing, we know how he thinks because we're guys and we know his game. This isn't some romantic game of love and he suddenly realizes he misses you and you're his love. That's not how it works, that only works in romance movies. Something we guys don't watch and for good reason because no guy ever acts the way they do in movies. This isn't about a second chance, this is about a married man who used you now wanting to do it again.
Honestly OP, trust your friends you know they're right. It wasn't a mistake to open that email, but it would be an insanely stupid one to believe any of the sweet talk in it because his actions don't match up. He left you, he broke your heart once, something which he's now going to do to his wife and child for the fecking second time, seriously OP what kind of person does this? What kind of person has any kind of faith in the words from a guy like this?
I'm sorry but the female posters are way off the mark in this one, you have a very bad feeling about this because none of it adds up, you know in your heart, mind and your gut that this whole thing stinks and a future with this guy is a future of abandonment and heartbreak.
No OP, just no.
I promise you, he will destroy you if you let him back into your life.
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A
male
reader, BigSambo  +, writes (16 January 2011):
How is going to come back if he got deported? Illegally? You might be in trouble if you take him back if he gets back into the country illegally?
Listen to your heart and give him another chance, but make sure that this relationship is going somewhere. The only issue is that he could marry you to stay in the country and obtain citizenship !!!! What is the waiting period for citizenship in Austrailia?
But then again, he could be local and the relatioship could go no where. Am I confusing you? lol.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 January 2011):
Your friend was right, though you're not a fool. Perhaps you're a bit naive when it comes to men likes this. He was married when you met him, and he'll be married now no matter what he says. You said he was being deported, so I'm going to say that the most likely thing here is that he's trying to use you to get back in, and then will leave and bring his family over.
I would strongly suggest not having anything to do with him. My gut feeling tells me he's out to use you for other reasons. After all, if he really loved you, he could have left his wife some time ago.
Never fall for a married man's crap.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (16 January 2011):
Let him back in your life if you love him. But, you must absolutely let him pursue you. Say you are open to starting over but you want to move slowly. Let him call most of the time and do not have sex with him until you establish a relationship. Tell him you are not ready to take things there again. Just let him show you by his actions he wants you back. If it is too easy he may leave again. Do not have an attitude about it. Be nice and respectful at the same time ensure he is PURSUING YOU up until exclusivity then of course you cand start calling more etc. The whole time be open to the posibility of making the relationship work. Do not openly tell him to prove it to him, or that he needs to pursue you, let your actions tell it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Uhm. I too believe in giving a second chance, but talk is cheap.
Is he finishing it with his wife ?...Ok, tell him to show up once he has finished ,notarized copy of divorce papers in hand :)
And, he wants to come over, but could he actually do it ?Check the immigration laws. In my country, once you have been deported , you can't come back before ten years have passed. Most countries have similar laws , otherwise people would just keep going in and out like through a revolving door.
Also, did you know he was married, or you just found it out after you two had got together ? ...
These are things to consider in deciding if he's worth a 2nd chance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): I agree with your friends. If you're over him why reopen old wounds? Your relationship started out uneven because he was married, that is not a good place to start and you are part of the breakup of his marriage, if it is really over.
I know a lot of people will say otherwise, but I really feel this is wrong to do. If he cheated with you he could end up doing the same to you. I would start fresh with someone else. Listen to your head, it's telling you what to do.
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A
female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (16 January 2011):
 ok first of all your NOT a fool for reading the message. In this situation there is only one thing i can think of. What does your gut tell you? not your heart or your head but your gut. If your gut says give him a second chance then go for it, but if your gut says not to then don't go for it. Your gut is never wrong and if you want to take a chance then go for it. Love is a hard game that is always full of risks. I hope this helps you. Good luck.
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