A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice as I am in shock and don't know which way to turn. I dropped by my husbands office (he is 43) recently as he left his phone at home and walked in to find him drooling from his desk at his new receptionist as she was walking past in a very short skirt and sheer top. She is what you would describe as a typical babe who wouldn't look out of place in a lads mag. He was so busy ogling that when he saw me went bright red and got all flustered. He hired this girl as its a family business. It turns out she has been an escort until recently and has no office experience and is single. She looked at me with such attitude when I arrived and he introduced us. Over 200 people applied for that job and it sickens me to the stomach she is there. What next? He said she is doing fine and he wanted to give her a chance as she interviewed well. He has given her flexi time already and seems protective over her. I can sense she is trouble and feel angry and threatened by her please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): 200 applicants and she ends up with the job? Hun, she was hired for her "ability" to perform at work. Did your hb know her previously? Was he a client of hers? Will she be conducting her escort services after hours, will she start with her boss? These are questions normal people ask. So what u are feeling is highly justified!How long before your hb starts salavating, oh wait, he already has!Big trouble ahead. For your marriage and your peace of mind. Find out whether she is on probation, then get him to get rid of her. In the end it will be bet you and her anyways.Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but miss personality already knows that your hb has her best interest at heart.Call me sexist, unrealistic or basically naïve but I sense deep turmoil in the future. Be proactive and get rid of her quick: use the "harsh economic climate" as the reason, and then if you are a stay at home mum, haul your ass into the work environment.LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): I think you should set up a desk for him on the international space station. He can run his business and there is no chance of him encountering a woman there.
Wait! There are woman there?
Never mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): I totally agree with sexlessintheuk. I definitely see the problem, and it's got nothing to do with you being jealous. Most people seem to think that because she's so used to men ogling at her and giving her attention, she wouldn't care so much if your husband does the same. I would disagree with that... I mean, she was an escort in the past. If she had the chance to get a better position, the first thing she'd probably do is to take off her pants. After all, that's all she's done in the past and it would be very easy for her to do the same thing again.
I can only imagine that she will flirt madly and act all seductive. Hopefully, your husband doesn't fall for that crap.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011):
How the heck do either of you know that she was an escort? Is this something she wrote on her resume?! Most people try to keep those sorts of things quiet! My fear is that your husband knows she was an escort because he was a client of hers, had feelings for her, and is now trying to set her on a path to respectability. There is no evidence for that, but that would be my concern. Otherwise, how would he know her history?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 May 2011):
Yes - he hired her because she is pretty, and because she is a people person and no doubt knows how to turn on the charm and make people (except you, sadly) feel relaxed and welcomed. She'll be brilliant at it, because that was her previous job. That's why he hired her - she's perfect to have at a reception desk.
Now we've got the bad part out the way, we can move on to the better part.
You say she was working as an escort, so the chances were she was earning quite a bit of money, and no doubt sleeping with married men. That probably sounds bad, until you think that she has changed her job entirely to something that probably doesn't pay nearly as much as an escort. I would very much doubt that a woman like her would give up the money and take a reception job, only to fall for the boss. That will not be in her mind at all. If anything, she'll be trying not to make it happen. Remember that this woman has spent most of her previous time selling herself to married men. If she'd wanted to continue, she'd have done that. Instead, she changed jobs and has taken less pay in an office job. She won't want to spend her time being used.
In fact, she's probably the best bet you have that nothing will happen. She'll have been used before, she'll have seen it all before, and she will want to get away from it.
However, your feeling of threat isn't something that needs to be ignored. It may well be a sign that your marriage isn't as good as it could be, and needs some work. So rather than bother worrying about this woman, you should be talking to your husband and suggesting that you do more things together, even if it's just going out for walks. By working at your marriage, you'll soon forget this woman and he'll be wanting you in no time. Use this feeling and twist it on its head - spend more time at your marriage, and don't worry about this woman. I don't think she represents a threat at all.
Also, flexi time is something that the law now takes into account. Your husband will have almost certainly had to give it to her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): I am laughing at the responses to this. You people should be ashamed.
I am a male about the same age as this woman's husband. You all want to believe this crap about him giving her a chance, you go right ahead.
I think you are right to feel threatened by this. HOWEVER-
How you react and behave is of PARAMOUNT importance.
Going off on your husband is not the right move here. In fact, bringing it up is possibly a bad move. You can use this to your advantage to spice up your own sex life, or you can go the route of trying to discover if your fears are true. Don't assume that just because he wants to look at her, they are having sex. But don't be naive to that possibility either. Guy leaves wife for secretary is kind of a cliche' in our culture - for good reason. If you are going to spy on him, you should skip my advice and talk to him first. Ask him how he feels about your relationship. The sex, the time together, all of it. Ask him point blank if he is going to do anything with her. And if he tells you you are being jealous, tell him, yes, I'm human, you just hired an escort, you are DAMN RIGHT I'm jealous and suspicious. Explain yourself.
Then maybe hire a private eye. Just saying. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (24 May 2011):
Stand above your insecurity and jealousy and play it smart. Don't present yourself to this woman as the enemy, someone she has to compete with. Because she's used to that. She's used to women looking down on her and men ogling her. Rest assured, she is not going to be impressed by your husband's stares. So like DearMandy said, try to approach this from a positive POV. Invite her home for dinner or something nice. Or maybe to a public place. Wherever you feel comfortable.
As someone who has had a crush on a married man, there's nothing more effective to take the wind out of your sails than a friendly, loving wife. If I ever had any plans of making a move, they deflated the moment I found out what a lovely wife he had. After that there was no way I could ever cross the line.
Now, I don't have the past she did, but even escorts have morals and values. Maybe even more so, because their jobs need them to ignore them. When you degrade yourself to make a living, you need something to hold onto. This woman might just be another hopeful who wants to change her outlook in life. So be kind to her. Act if you have to. If she's a nice person, you won't have to fake it anymore after a while.
As for your husband, talk to him about it. "I get you want to give her a chance at a new life, so why not start by not ogling her like all the men from her old life did. She needs people to look beyond her looks for once." Don't accuse, just say it softly, like an observation, a statement. Unless she's wearing provocative clothing, it shouldn't be hard for him to reign himself in. If she does wear provocative clothes, request for her to wear something more neutral.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Hi
I can see why you would feel so threatened. But to judge this women purely because of her past is not fair. Who knows why she did what she did, but im sure it was for a reason, not just so she could get laid. Your husband giving her a chance in life is commendable, however if you feel what she is wearing to the office is a bit much, then speak to your husband about this first, tell him that if she is to continue to work for the family buisness, then she is to wear a smart suit to work, as what she is wearing now is inapropriate. Let him give this women a chance, but do keep an eye on the situation from time to time if it would make you feel at ease. Also her giving you a look of attitude as you put it, is probally down to her past, no doubt she was frowned upon many times by other women, so has a natural hang up over it. Why not invite her over for dinner, get to know a little about her, say you would like to welcome her to the buisness by making a meal. You will probally find she is a nice person, who had a bad start in life, and is now trying to do something about it. And as the previous person has replied, why not spruse yourself up a bit, get your hair done and nails, wear something very elegant yet sexy for when you invite her over, so she can see that this is YOUR husband, she will see your effort and what your trying to say to her but without saying it.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (24 May 2011):
If you trust him, what's the problem?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Ok so he hired a woman to give her a chance and YOU feel threatened by her.
is your feeling based on your insecurity of your own attractiveness? is it based on the fact that your husband has had affairs or cheated on you in the past? is it based on the fact that he finds her attractive?
WHY are you feeling insecure about this?
maybe it's true, she interviews well, she's trying to better herself and he's giving her a chance???
how is your relationship with your husband at home? is he affectionate? is he passionate? do you have marital relations?
Sometimes flex time is necessary... I know I would DIE without my flexible morning start time...
perhaps your concern is her inappropriate office attire? maybe a dress code is needed?
my bf loves to look at hot women in short skirts and heels... he tells me "I'm off to look at the pretties"
"go for it babe, just remember you can get your appetite anywhere you want as long as you eat at home"
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I doubt his intentions are to help redeem this woman from a past of "escorting" You may consider an exit strategy over time.
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A
male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Well I think he has done well, I probably would have done the same as him.If she interviewed well and apart from him looking at what's pretty, what's the problem? Only your jealousy getting in the way?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): You're right the problem is you feel threatened by her? Is that her fault? Has your husband given you reason not to trust him? He said he has given her a chance, take him at his word. The world is full of sexy women and we can't keep our husbands away from them as they can't keep us away from sexy men they are just there, nice to look at but that doesn't mean anyone has to act on it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): Sounds like somebody is overreacting and being very jealous.Honestly get over it, this really isn't that bad and you desperately need a life outside of your husband!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): Talk to your husband about how this makes you feel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): there could be some truth to him hiring her to "give her a chance", but it does seem suspicious. Try to talk to him about it, he will get defensive... is it in his nature? I mean, is it in his nature to give someone who might not have the experience a chance to get their foot in the door? If so I wouldn't worry to much, if not I'd probably feel the way you do. it's hard not to get jealous of another woman when the situation is like this, just tell him, calmly (don't let him see the green eyed monster, it could push him away) that you find it a bit strange that he hired her above 200 other people.... despite having no experience and being an escort at one point and absolutely stunning. Just explain to him that it's a little odd.. has he cheated on you before? why not try to become quite friendly with her, don't intimidate her, just be as nice as you can and she might think twice if any situation arouse. my mother always said men as as faithful as their options... just be the better option.. try to remind him of why he fell in love with you, and why he marrid you. make a bit more of an effort, subtley.. he'll remember the wonderful women he has at home if he is ever in a situation where something might happen between them, and think twice
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