A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it okay to accept the friend request of an ex lover on facebook even if im married already?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): My wife added her ex-boyfriend as a friend on Facebook when he sought her out and then they exchanged phone numbers after a month of exchanging e-mail. He wanted to meet her to catch up when he was in town, but she ignored that request. He tried to call her a few times. I don't think she ever answered, based on phone records, but I don't know why she didn't (scared?, nervous?, just plain missed the calls?). She didn't realize I had found out about it, but I did and it has really messed up our relationship. I confronted her about it and she thinks I am being ridiculous about it and defended him as "a nice guy." I told her that married guys who call other people's wives behind their backs are not nice guys and that I am none too pleased she gave out her phone number either. Maybe I am being ridiculous, but I don't like it one bit. If you want to have the problems I am having now in terms of feelings of broken trust and betrayal and jealousy spilling into every single relationship my wife maintains now, which is really making her resent me, then add him. This singular act was like a flashpoint in our marriage and it may end up destroying it. For sure, things will NEVER be the same again.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 May 2011):
 this depends on how you feel about that ex, are you still attracted in any way? what is the nature of his interest in you? will you tell your husband and how will he feel about this? would you be happy if your husband accepted an ex-lovers request? if you are thinking of accepting his request coz you want some flirty attention, then NO it is really not appropriate. like caring guy says though - ask your husband what his point of view is, rather than ask us strangers
x
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A
male
reader, Flashtony +, writes (24 May 2011):
I think that the answer is No.... unless you still want. have some sort of relationship with the ex... that's a whole different thing... safer to decline.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 May 2011):
I would say that if you go to your husband and say "an ex boyfriend wants to catch up over facebook", you'll get your answer.
Either your husband will be okay with it, or he won't - in which case I hope you put your husband's feelings first.
Speak to your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): I know my boyfriend has got ex`s on his facebook and thats why im blocked and not added as a friend but he makes excuses like im locked out etc so now i add ex`s an he can not say a word as his behaviour and attitude are what prompted this
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Do you really NEED to include this ex in your life?
Ask your husband how he feels, it's a perfect time to discuss some boundaries.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 May 2011):
 HI
Depends on how strong your marriage is. but Im guessing if you need to ask this question your husband would not be very happy about it. In which case I would not except the request. I would send one message saying, thank you for your request, but I am married and do not want to upset my husband by adding you, as you are my ex partner. but I hope all is well take care. If he keeps asking and replying then I would explain the situation to my husband. I would not add an ex to my FB if I were married OR jusat in a relationship if I new it would upset the person I was with.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I would be inclined to say "no".
But it can't hurt to talk to your partner about it and how it might make them feel. Talk it over. Why do you want to be friends with this person?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I am "friends" on facebook with my ex-husband but we rarely talk it's more for the kids (they are adults also) than anything...
does your spouse know about this? how does he feel about it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): I think it is fine as long as you have both moved on! I have lots of ex's on fb. It's nice to catch up with people and find out what they've been up. To be honest, after the initial add, and catch up, we don't talk that much.
After all you've moved on, you are happy - you married your husband, so that's who you want to be with and they have probably done the same :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): How would you feel if your husband accepted an ex lover and his facebook? You two have history and it's best you don't visit memory lane.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): The fact that he added you on Facebook tells me that he still thinks about you sometimes. Maybe he just wants to know what's been going on in your life recently and how much you have changed.
If an ex sent me a Facebook friend request, I would decline it unless I still have feelings for him or at least think about him. Never if I am married... but that's just my personal opinion.
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