A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 18 years of age, and for three years I have been inlove with one particular male. We have been close from the day we have met. And I have always stood by him and been loyal. Although the relationship has been on and off for the past three years I have never even looked in a direction of another male in that way... Not even held hand with another man. Although he has shut me out and left me for other women, but somehow we always end up back together. And have always been sleeping partners. But I feel so down and unappreciated, I never feel good enough and always keep thinking of the past and the girls he has left me for,,, but deep down I feel as If we have a real strong connection. And I know I love him more than anything, but don't know why I just can't help but devote myself to him, and I know people think I'm stupid, I see him every weekend and spend the whole weekend at his placei am very close to his family and bestfriend too. But what can I do? I feel so insecure all of the time. And whenever I bring it up he says I'm moaning, rtight now he says he don't want to be with me, but when we together he's all over me, I'm so so confused! Please help me. I see him as my bestfriend, boyfriend, my life... Everything.
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Read what Caringguy has said its all so true. Its like a vicious circle you cant get out of. You love the guy, you want commitment, you want him to want you. Guess what? He never will and you have to open your eyes and see this for yourself, until then you are stuck with him.He wont end it with you, he has it to good. He will carry on being the loser he is and treating you this way. He will never change because he doesnt HAVE to or WANT too.I know exactly how you are feeling ive just ended it with a guy like similar to yours. It hurt likes hell and im feeling like crap at the moment but I know i will get over him and things cant be any worse than when I was with him.He was the same no commitment, chatting other girls up On Facebook, didnt see him much unless he wanted to see me, lied to me and all the time telling me he loved me. Ive asked for advice on here and everyone told me the same, get rid! I had to realise that my friends, family and people on here ALL couldnt be wrong.Let him go its like having poison in your life, they drag you down make you feel worthless and that you dont deserve any better. I know its hard im feeling it now but you have to get him out of your life.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 CaringGuy basically describes the guy perfectly.
Here's something about yourself to remember, as well: you don't get commitment unless commitment is the price of admission for being with you. In the past three years, you have repeatedly demonstrated to this guy that he does *not* have to commit in order to have your loyalty and love. Why would he? At this point, he can either commit and have you forever, or not commit and... have you forever, plus some other girls.
Is it surprising he's chosen not to commit?
Now, CaringGuy established that he's a low-life. It's too late to demand more from him. If you did, he would just lie to you anyway. Leave now, delete his contact info, don't try to just be friends or anything like that. He's gone. First, get comfortable with yourself as a single girl, then go out and try to find a guy hwo will treat you right - and make commitment within a reasonable length of time part of the package, this time.
...............................
A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (25 May 2011):
this guy must learn a lesson
infact most of his behaviour is due to the fact that he knows that you are always for him
show him that you are leaving him for good
if he loves you he well change for you and that would be a good lesson for him
if he doesnt love you he wouldnt REALY mind ( he might try to get you back just because it is comfrtable to be with you )
but again if he loves you he would change
finally if you got things fixed than some professional help would be essential
Good Luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): I couldn't agree with CaringGuy more, especially second to last paragraph.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I once heard a Sheryl Crow song: "You are a raging sea, I pull myself out of everyday; I plead insanity, cause I can't leave, but I can't stay"....I think this describes your situation completely. You are addicted to the pain and disappointment, always striving to see a change in him you have become paralyzed and unable to leave. Meanwhile he has the best of both worlds; a faithful doormat he can have sex with anytime he pleases, while running around town with other ladies of his choosing. You have got to break the vortex you are stuck in. This guy neither loves nor respects you and nothing will ever change until you end it with him and move on. Why would he ever respect you, when you don't respect yourself? Why would any guy value a woman who allows him to wipe his feet on every day? Get out and don't look back. And if he comes crawling, make sure you set the rules next time and don't settle for being the rebound girl he just uses for sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I second that. CaringGuy is 1000% right, especially with his last paragraph regarding waking up before you become invisible to other better guys.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Read CaringGuy's post. Keep reading it. Not sunk in yet? Read it again.
...............................
A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I agree with CaringGuy's post.He knows you're in love with him and that you'll always be there, so he uses you when he has no one else.You need to realise this sooner or later. You sound like a lovely girl, so you deserve much better treatment than this.A guy who loves you will commit to you. He'll be there for you every step of the way and won't shut you out whenever he feels like it. There are guys like this out there, but you've been unable to notice them because you're smitten over this one jerk.I recommend you stop seeing him. Cut contact. Don't text him, don't call, don't contact him over facebook. Don't visit his house. He'll realise what he's lost and he'll try to get you back. BUT.. you have to stay strong and not give in to him, otherwise this cycle will continue, and it will eat you alive.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 May 2011):
I have read so many posts like yours, and sometimes I wish I could send an electric shock through the keyboard to wake you up! It never ceases to amaze me that some women will accept such poor treatment from one, crappy guy!
How much longer will you be this guy's doormat?
You need to read your own post and open your eyes. The only person in the world that believes you two have a connection is you. It's fantastically clear to this other guy that you're just there as the spare, and I don't see anything in what he does that makes me think he loves you.
A man who loves you won't always throw you over inside 3 years. He'll commit.
He won't see other women. He'll commit.
He won't tell you that he's not wanting to be around you. He'll commit.
See where this is going?
Unless you open your eyes to this guy and move on, your love life will never move on from guys like this. There are many better ones who you'll have a real connection with, not just a fake one. Decent men are out there, but they will simply bypass you because you are hung up on a guy, who basically uses you for sex.
He is not your best friend, your boyfriend or your life. He's nothing. A friend doesn't treat you this way! A boyfriend doesn't treat you this way! Life doesn't treat you this way. But you will be treated this way forever unless you make steps to stop it by cutting people like this it. No man, woman, friend, boyfriend will have respect for you if you don't have it for yourself.
You have to open your eyes, see this guy for the user that he is and move on before you become invisible to other better guys. Because once that happens, it's hard to bounce back. And you'll be the one who loses in the end.
...............................
|
