| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I know he is looking at other women when we are together, so why does he bother lying about it???
Q. My boyfriend oogles other women, and even when it's totally obvious and I ask him right in the moment, he will deny it, get angry with me and call me a jealous, insecure women. Why will he not just own up to it?...
A. 6 July 2011: Exactly what female anon says at the bottom.
He won't own up because you continually corner him with this same question. If it bothers you that much, tell him you know he does it and that you want him to stop doing it in front of you. Just don'... (read in full...)
She is known as a homewrecker.....should I run for the hills?
Q. I've been seeing a woman for the past seven weeks. We get on well and she has all the makings of the type of woman I want to settle down with. She's been hinting at a deeper commitment which I'm all for but there's one obstacle. I found out from ...
A. 6 July 2011: If those affairs had happened years ago, and she'd had years to change her behaviour, then she's have been worth a shot.
But she ended one affair just before you two met - and I think that's a bad sign. No one can change their behaviour in less... (read in full...)
Being with a girl through a rough time, now she's out and finally being happy. I'm left behind? What gives?
Q. We really liked each other. Really close to dating. She would always say how she hadn't felt that happy in a long time when she was with me.Then she saw her ex and sort of went into an emotional breakdown. I had to back away a little so she could ...
A. 6 July 2011: It's not really anything that you've done.
What's happened is that your friend was in a bad place, and kind of latched on to you for support. Now she doesn't need it, so she's pulled away. This has been about one girl trying to find happiness agai... (read in full...)
Do I really want to spend my life with a liar?
Q. Hi Everyone, I have a bit of a problem, my boyfriend - I love him dearly - keeps on lying to me!! Not about anything major like being unfaithful etc etc (that I know of!!) but he lies about silly things that there is no need to lie about. ...
A. 6 July 2011: Lying on its own isn't a conclusive sign of narcissism. He could just be a liar because that's who he is.
What is worrying is that you're so ready and willing to accept this kind of treatment. If he does have narcissism, you can't really think that... (read in full...)
I get the feeling he likes me but I am worried I could be reading too much into this!
Q. Just want your thoughts on this. I like my friend's brother and I think he feels the same. He's about 5 years younger, met him a few times at social gatherings and just a bit confused. Last saw him at friend's bbq and did catch him looking at m...
A. 5 July 2011: If you like him, take a chance and talk to him. It would be so much better than speculating. There are signs that he likes you, but they're not enough. You should take a chance and talk to him. ... (read in full...)
He's always too depressed to have sex!
Q. My boyfriend and I are 22 years old. Weve been together for about 5 years now. in the last 6-8 months he hasnt wanted to have sex... at all. The last time we tried was about a month ago, and his friend knocked on the front door so we stopped. We ...
A. 5 July 2011: A lot of people often don't understand how big a part of a relationship sex is. Truth is, it's a very big part - not the biggest, but certainly one of the biggest. And if people let the sex in a relationship disappear, or become meaningless, that's ... (read in full...)
Do you think he never cared?
Q. My boyfriend and i been arguing a lot lately, he said he wanted a break and i said no, i don't believe in being an option. i said it was over n i wish him the best. we both hung up after. he hasn't called or text me since. its been two days. we ...
A. 5 July 2011: I think, first of all, you have to realize that you did dump him, and that because you dumped him he is under absolutely no obligation to contact you or come begging. And no man (or woman) should have to come begging if they have been dumped. If you ... (read in full...)
Should I come clean to my boyfriend?
Q. I have a really complicated situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating off and on for about 5 years and in March of this year we got back together after having been separated for about 7 months. For most of our relationship, we have been long ...
A. 5 July 2011: I think you have to tell him, and I think you have to be prepared for the fact that he may choose to end it. There are several reasons really:
1 - You feel guilt now, but you say that you can't be sure that you won't do it again. I think that real... (read in full...)
My Wife cheated two months into our marriage, will we ever be happy again??
Q. Recently I discovered that my wife of nearly ten years had an affair with a co-worker. As if this wasn't painful enough for me to deal with, I also learn't that this happened only two months into or marriage! Now I find myself constantly quest...
A. 4 July 2011: This is why I hate cheating, and I why so many people are quick to judge. Even after 10 years, finding out that someone has cheated can sting beyond belief. This is a good reason for people to think before they cheat - because now there are children ... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend is 6 years younger than me.....his mum is only 10 years older than me......is this morally wrong?
Q. Ive fallen head over heels for a guy who is 6 years younger than me. Ive just turned 28 and he is 21 almost 22. We are both crazy about each other. I am worried that this is morrally wrong. His mum is only 10 years older than me. And she wants to ...
A. 4 July 2011: There's nothing wrong with the age at all. I'm seeing an older woman, and we don't have a problem with it. There is nothing morally wrong here. Relax and enjoy your boyfriend. ... (read in full...)
Analysis of personality?
Q. Hi, What would you make of someone with this past... as a child.. stole from other kids stole from parents at one stage stole from shops regularly disruptive at school sexually aware from a very young age, messing around with girls from arou...
A. 30 June 2011: He does appear to have some anti-social tendencies, let's say that. I'm not a professional psychiatrist, so I CANNOT be sure, and can't give a diagnosis. But, there's no denying that on the Hare test, he'd score moderately. There are some other ... (read in full...)
Will I have to pay maintenance for my fiance’s children from his previous marriage?
Q. Does anyone know if I will have to pay maintenance for my fiance’s children from his previous marriage (my future stepchildren) if we divorce and I have to pay him maintenance for whatever reason? The children live with their mother. My fiancé p...
A. 29 June 2011: I would recommend speaking to a lawyer, only they can be sure about what you will and won't have to pay. You will not directly have to pay, but it may be a slightly bigger slice of his pay is taken because you and he will be seen as having a larger ... (read in full...)
Is it safe? Or am I getting paranoid about accidently getting pregnant?
Q. Ok, so two of the guys I've slept with can't figure out why I have to jump up and stop them before they put their fingers inside me after they just came and, long story short, got a little bit or even a lot of come on their hands. And if I was blow...
A. 29 June 2011: I think you're a bit paranoid about the 5 day thing - but certainly not about making sure they don't use their fingers if they have sperm on. Are on the contraceptive pill? Because that will give you approx 98-99% security, and might make you feel ... (read in full...)
Do women give men too much leeway in relationships? And too readily take him back after break-ups?
Q. Simple question for ladies and gentlemen....Do women tend to give men too much leeway in relationships? Do women take men back too often, too soon, too much after they have been done wrong?...
A. 29 June 2011: I don't think it's just women at all. I think men do it too. What I believe is that we now live in a world where confidence is pretty low, for both certain men and women. And low confidence is what leads people to take abusers/cheats etc back over ... (read in full...)
My GF is spending time with her ex, how should I handle it?
Q. My girlfriend met up with her ex at Glastonbury! I am having a really hard time getting my head round this and am wondering if this is the beginning of the end. My girlfriend of nearly 5 months has an ex who she finished with in Sep 10 who ...
A. 29 June 2011: I completely agree that you are being played.
1 - All she has done during your relationship is entirely slag him off. In actual fact, this is proof she isn't over him because if she was, she wouldn't be talking about him all the time even if it is i... (read in full...)
He really wants another baby, but I'm scared of getting sick again
Q. Dear Ageny aunts, I have been married for about four years and have a two-year old baby girl. I had hypremesis gravadirium throughout my first pregnancy and I have been to hell and back. Now my husband wants another baby, I'm scared to death of...
A. 28 June 2011: Certainly whilst you feel this way, you shouldn't consider it. In the end, it's you who will be pregnant, you who will carry the baby, you who will be sick again and you who will take most of the childcare. Your husband needs to understand that for ... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my boyfriend? Or leave and face being on my own?
Q. Hiya!! I know you get a lot of these, but I would appreciate advice on my boyfriend. He is 26, lives and works in London and is the nicest bloke I have ever dated. He is caring, loving, would never raise a hand to me and has acccepted me wit...
A. 28 June 2011: A man who doesn't visit you when you are in hospital with a serious condition, really isn't the one for you at all.
And if he's the nicest guy you've dated, you really need to spend some time alone working on your confidence so you don't let guys... (read in full...)
How on earth do I get a boyfriend? I really want to be in love!
Q. Well, I am 15 years old and I love the idea of love. But the thing is I dont have a boyfriend and I want one really bad. It seems as if all my friends have one and its like no one is there for me. I guess what I'm asking is; How on earth do I get a ...
A. 28 June 2011: Well, I hate to tell you this but all the good men will be terrified that you are so desperate for a boyfriend. All the bad men will jump to the chance if they think they can get away with it. You need to slow right down. Getting a boyfrien... (read in full...)
Why is my fiancé acting so distant all of a sudden? She's up late, sleeps on the couch, and has had a panic attack. What should I do?
Q. My fiancé is the love of my life but lately she has been acting really weird. She has been staying up late (5 am) and she has been falling asleep on the couch lately. I have been getting up and waking her up to go bed with me. She shakes when she...
A. 28 June 2011: Yes, something has happened. Forget about her not being in bed and talk to her gently. Explain that you've seen there's been a change, and that you are there for her and need to know what is happening.
Here is a link to a UK charity that expl... (read in full...)
Me and my lesbian partner want to have a baby, how would we go about in vitro fertilization?
Q. hi i am a female and i am in a serious relationship with another female. We have been togeather for just over two years now and we have just been starting to think about the future. We plan to have children however we do not want to adopt but go ...
A. 28 June 2011: I'd also say you'd need to see a doctor. ... (read in full...)
Three weeks ago, she was all for my buying a motorcycle. Now, she's acting resentful!
Q. So it all started 3 weeks ago when I decided to by a motorcycle, she was all for it! I got it a week ago and now everyday seems to be a battle! I work 50hours a week so I have little time to do anything! We have been together for just over a year ...
A. 27 June 2011: I've got this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that she wasn't happy about you getting this bike in the first place. I wonder if she did the classic thing and remained quiet in the hope that you'd see she wasn't happy, rather than just come ... (read in full...)
I want to be a proper family but he can't commit!
Q. I want to be a proper family but he cant commit. My partner and i have been together 7yrs, we have 2 young kids who are 6 and 3. The problem is we have never lived together properly. My kids behaviour isnt good and i blame this situation for it. He ...
A. 27 June 2011: I'm sad to say that you are wasting your time on this man. His whole life, he seems to have been weighted on by his mother. I think it's very likely that you are more of a convenience than someone he loves and cares for.
And I have to say, if I ov... (read in full...)
Ex-Boyfriend Still Interested?
Q. Though we clicked immediately, we had a pretty messy breakup half a year back. No screaming or tantrums but we simply stopped speaking and haven't spoken since. Trouble is, we both both participate in a volunteer group and are constantly mixed in ...
A. 27 June 2011: I don't see anything here that suggests he's still interested. All this could just be a coincidence, or it could be that you're seeing what you want to see, rather than the truth.
If you are interested in him, then you need to be the one to step... (read in full...)
Do I deserve the same second chance I gave her?
Q. I have been dating a girl for 21 months. Back in November, I found out by looking in her laptop that she had been talking inappropriately to other guys. That hurt me a lot and I forgave and forgot so we could move on after she apologized. Now, ...
A. 27 June 2011: No one deserves anything here. In truth you are both two people who were not committed, and you are both hypocrites in your own way.
In a relationship, when you screw up or hurt the person you love, you're not automatically entitled to forg... (read in full...)
I don't trust her, how can I build up that trust?
Q. Okay. I'm not going to get into specifics but my girlfriend basically ruined my trust in her. I guess technically she's my ex girlfriend. She showed up on my door step the other week saying she realized how horribly she treated me and she missed me ...
A. 27 June 2011: In all honesty, it would depend upon what she did. The advice changes depending on what happened in the first place. For example, if she lied about something, that's one thing. If she cheated, that's another.
We probably need to know what happ... (read in full...)
He is my FWB and now he tells me that he cares for me and likes my company, what's that about?
Q. Hey Cupids, I've been having this friend with benefits for nearly 6 months now. We meet twice a week, watch a movie, have dinner or lunch, we talk a lot and basically have a good time- with some sex involved. I'm a little confused though because t...
A. 27 June 2011: The only person you can ask is him. It could mean that he feels more strongly for you than you realize, or it could be that he sees you as a great friend. But the only one who can tell you is him. So I'd say ask him if you want to really know. ... (read in full...)
I want to marry him but not his kids!
Q. I love my boyfriend hugely and we are engaged to be married. He has two children from a previous relationship ,5 and 4. Though the children are relatively well behaved and love me I find it really difficult to accept. I never want children (though i ...
A. 27 June 2011: Yep - as the others have said, your relationship has gone as far as it can. His kids are his life, and if you can't accept them, then you're with the wrong man. There is nothing at all that you can say in any way that can make this situation better. ... (read in full...)
I terminated my pregnancy and then lied and said the baby had Down's syndrome. What do I do now?
Q. A few months ago i was trying with my boyfriend for a baby, we have one already and i just wanted to have one more. We tried for a few months then i got pregnant. I was supposed to be happy and excited but i wasent, i felt scared and worrid about ...
A. 26 June 2011: I am sorry you're going through this. You've got a lot going on, and it's time you stopped worrying about other people and worried about yourself instead.
First of all, an abortion is confidential, and you are under no obligation whatsoever to spea... (read in full...)
After 8 years of just cleaning and never going out, I want out!
Q. i have been living with my boyfreind for eight yrs now and i feel so unhappy we never go out together anywhere we dont do any thing together. i cook all his meals for him an clean up after him. i want him to leave but he just won't leave i have told ...
A. 26 June 2011: You need to speak to a lawyer, because your boyfriend might have rights to your house if he has put any money into it. So my advice is for you to see a lawyer, ASAP, and to stop running around after him too. ... (read in full...)
My lover is married, how do I get people to stop judging me?
Q. I'm so fed up of people judging me for being with a married man. Once again my best friend has broadcasted on facebook that I am a homewrecker and my boyfriend will only cheat on me blah blah blah I started seeing this man a year ago but never as...
A. 26 June 2011: Morally, an affair is wrong. People will judge you for that. You can't make them accept what you're doing, because ultimately you are part of an affair that is precisely wrecking a marriage, and whether you like it or not, most of society will ... (read in full...)
He has hit me before, but it was a accident...
Q. I need advice, My live in boyfriend is a great guy but he has a very bad past. His father beat him and his mother all the time till she divorced him. I am scared he will turn out like him because he is very mean to me at times and he has hit me ...
A. 25 June 2011: It's impossible for him to have hit you by accident. What has happened, is he has turned into his father.
Walk away now, or maybe your own children will wind up being abused one day. ... (read in full...)
My BF doesn't want to go for my niece's christening and doesn't want me to go either. If I do, he would break up with me. What should I do?
Q. What would you do if you were me? Hello. Some advice please. I come from a very close family and we are not religious at all. My sister however has decided to get my niece christened. When my boyfriend found out about this he was totally against ...
A. 25 June 2011: I wonder how long it will be until he tells you who your friends are, what you can wear and what you eat?
OP, run a mile away from this man. And go to the Christening too. 'Slightly' controlling isn't really doing justice to the nature of your boyf... (read in full...)
Husband cheated on me with 2 girls and has babies with both, but refuses to leave me. What should I do?
Q. Hello, I have a question. I have been with my husband 11 years. We have 2 kids. I just found out at the end of the year he has cheated on me twice and has two kids with two different girls. I feel betrayed and don't know what to do. I don't know if ...
A. 25 June 2011: You leave him. Period. ... (read in full...)
Is it safe to have anal without a condom?
Q. Hey, me and my girlfriend are planning to have anal, without condom, first time for us, both virgins, still any chance in getting disease?...
A. 24 June 2011: Yes - more so, in fact. Not only are you at risk of the same sexual diseases, but you are also risking bacteria getting into places where it shouldn't. This is not something you should at all be trying without a condom. ... (read in full...)
Is this guy just faking poverty or does divorce really affect dads this badly so far down the line?
Q. A question to people, especially men, who are more than 3 years post divorce. How come a guy would still be struggling financially at that time to the extent that he can’t afford to rent the most basic apartment or run his car? This is assuming ...
A. 24 June 2011: This is how it works, roughly.
Say your boyfriend earns £30,000 per year. Take away tax at roughly 20%.
= 24,000
Then take away 10% of his earnings for his child (for one child, the CSA charges minimum 10% of pay after tax)
= £21,600
Then sa... (read in full...)
In the past she had affairs with married men! Is this a deal-breaker?
Q. a girl I have been dating for 6 months, and who up to now, I have liked a lot, revealed to me that in the past, not too distant, she dated a few married men. she is 28. one was when she was about 20, the other when she was 26. she slept with both of ...
A. 24 June 2011: When I read your post, there was one thing more than anything that in my opinion shows this woman up;
"They were all having problems in their marriages"
So, in other words, she accepts no responsibility for her own behaviour. And that, to me, is t... (read in full...)
Am I wrong or am I really a bad person?
Q. Well this isn't a relationship question really... It's about my dad. He's mentally unwell and uses it as an excuse not to do anything around the house. The bathrooms haven't been cleaned for 3 months and the floors haven't been vacuumed in about ...
A. 22 June 2011: This guy is abusing you and your brother - period. I'm sorry to say that, but he's really not fit AT ALL to be a parent. Is there anyway at all you could get away from him?... (read in full...)
Is he talking bad about me online to get revenge?
Q. It kind of started as fun, nothing serious at all. I lied to this guy and deceived him and most of it was done online. I never meant to hurt him. Over time I got to know him and realized he is a really cool guy and I started developing feelings for ...
A. 22 June 2011: I would just quietly bow out of his life. You did lie to to him, and lying hurts. Maybe he did care for you, but if you lied that means he doesn't have to care anymore. Maybe he did do it publicly to hurt you, or maybe he was just hurt himself.
W... (read in full...)
He expects me to wait until he is back from the pub to cook his dinner!
Q. My boyfriend has recently started to go to the pub every Friday after work with his new work colleagues. I wait until he gets home from work all week before I start cooking dinner. He can get home after 6pm and he likes to chill out for a bit before ...
A. 22 June 2011: What everyone else says - this guy is treating you like some servant, or his own mother. You're neither to him, so start making him do his own stuff. ... (read in full...)
What is with this guy? One day he's perfectly delighted to be with me, the next day he says we cant have a relationship and that we should never meet/talk again!!
Q. I think I don't understand men. Seriously. I've been dating a guy, reaaaally sweet and cute for 1-2 month. It was amazing and fun. Last friday, he kept telling me how happy he is that he met me and how he wished days could be longer so we could have ...
A. 22 June 2011: Oh dear - you've been used.
That really sweet guy who's also cute played you like a fiddle. He's clearly put on a huge act for you, and now has shown his true colours. He's not sweet or cute at all. He's just an actor. He told you everything you ... (read in full...)
Does anyone have a story with a happy ending where you and your ex broke up, but got back together even when it seemed impossible?
Q. So, I see alot of heartbroken people on here who lost there ex....so, does anyone have a happy ending story where you and your ex broke up, but got back together even when it seemed impossible?...
A. 22 June 2011: I personally know of no situation where that has worked out. The closest I know were a married couple, who split, then came back together for 2 years and then split again.
There are bound to be some couples somewhere who have split and got back... (read in full...)
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