A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years. He had asked me to marry him but he is still married. His wife has a debilitating disease for last 10 years since he left her, he hasn't tried at all to divorce her. Just last week he told me that she will always be first in his heart and then I heard him telling his friends that he blew it by leaving her. He says he loves me but I don't see how that can be. He has two daughters and two grandkids living with us and he hasn't worked for at least 3 years. Does this sound to anyone else like I'm just being used for a meal ticket?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I am going to second CaringGuy's opinion. You really don't mention any redeeming qualities about this man.
Sure it is easy to say "I love you" but to actually back it up with actions... that's a different story. If he was serious about marrying you, he'd back it up by buying you a ring, setting a date and leaving his current wife.
I think at this point you really need to ask yourself what you are doing with this man. Sure, he has connections with this other woman, and I am sure it is complicated, but it sounds like you are playing second fiddle in this whole ordeal. Is this really what you want?
If you are happy in this mode, then by all means, enjoy your time, but if you were hoping for more -- a man who puts you at #1 -- then it sounds like you'll be in for quite a wait. From the sounds of your question, I think you know the answer already, but are just looking for confidence in making your move.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Meal ticket? Yes.Oh boy, I feel like I'm going back to past.Why you shouldn't marry him (I want to add a few more things to CaringGuy's list):-He cheated on his wife for 4 years.-He is leaving her because she is sick. Talk about a very caring husband.-He doesn't care about his wife. Would he care about you when you are sick?-He is a cheater. Would be faithful to you when you marry him? I hope so.-He's probably using you.-He's unclear. He says his wife comes first but then he says he loves you.-You are like a "vacation" for him. He might leave you for his wife. Well, I hope that wife is smart enough to kick his a$$ good bye.-His children will HATE you.-And his grand children will not love you the same.I'm sorry for being too harsh. I just want to advise you to avoid this type of man.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 May 2011):
Well, what a charming man you have here.
- He left his disabled wife.
- He's never actually divorced her in 10 years!
- He says she'll always be first in his heart.
- He hasn't worked.
Well, the list is pretty endless really. I'm afraid it does sound like you're a bit of a meal ticket to me. It's not even like he can marry you - that would be illegal since he's not divorced. I think perhaps 4 years of this man (I use that term loosely on this occasion), is enough. Time to move on and find a real man who will commit to you and not just use your good nature against you.
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