A
female
age
36-40,
*aspberry.truffle
writes:I've been in a relationship with a man for almost 2 years now and we've been rocky for a while. It's always been his dream to travel overseas to teach English to children, which is why he is getting his degree. This is not because he loves children or teaching mind you, but to get away from his life here he says and to 'grow up' there since he feels he won't have a chance here (he lives with his mom, she financially supports him). This is what he's been saying since day 1, and he's made it clear that we weren't getting married and there was no long term future for us, I accepted this at the time since I wasn't looking for anything long term like that either. We also come from two different backgrounds, he is Indian and I'm Chinese so there would be a lot of conflict between our families if they knew we were getting serious.What makes him different to me from every other guy is his personality, I connect with him in a way that I've never connected with anyone else before and he knows me better than anybody. We went through a rough break up a few months ago where he was at fault calling me nasty names and basically saying I was worthless and I didn't even deserve the shitty way he was treating me now, I deserved worse. I did no contact with him for a week but he was persistent in us getting back together. Basically throwing my dignity and respect in the trash, I fell for all the things he said. He said that there was a future for us together and that he didn't have plans to leave overseas in the future without me. So, it's been a few months since that break up and we're hitting another patchy road. We're both turning 23 this year and graduating from University so we have to start thinking about the future. In the time that I've been with him, he hasn't held down a job for more than 2 months, each job 7-8 months apart. It would be okay if he was concentrating on his studies, but he is taking the minimum amount of classes to be considered a full time student and doing extremely poorly in all of them. He spends most of his time playing games, on average he will play 8 hours of games a day. I had a steady job for a year that we were together, as well as a temporary job that paid well for a few months. Mainly I concentrate on my studies and get good grades as well as my extracurricular work on campus and within the community. For a long time I thought perhaps he was just in a rut, since he told me that he used to work full time and go to school with 100% full time course loads and did well in both. This showed me a lot of ambition and drive. We will both be graduating by the end of this summer, and I have taken the last two years of my college life painstakingly trying to get good grades, extracurriculars and work experience to land a good job. The last credible job he's had was in 2008. I've tried to help him by suggesting different ways that he could expand on his resume, and have encouraged him to get a part time job so that it looks like he's been doing something in the last 3 years. His reaction was anger, and shutting me out. His words were that his life was none of my business and I should just worry about myself, he's happy with the way he's living his life now. How he's living his life right now is playing games all day. When we talk on the phone he's distracted playing games. When we are hanging out at his house, sometimes I sit there while he plays games. He protests if I say anything, 'we've spent some time together already, now I want to play games. You can't tell me what to do in my own house' At that point I either call it a night and leave or I sit there and watch him play so as to spend a little bit more time with him. I honestly don't know if there's a future with this man, because he acts more like a boy. His mother coddles him to no end and has been financially supporting him in terms of school and bills etc. In the 2 years we've been together he has trouble expressing his feelings for me and has never said I love you. Please help me in trying to explain why he's reacting like this when I just want to get our lives going...enough is enough, it's time for us to grow up and start being adults.
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ambition, I love you, my ex, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 May 2011):
You'll look back at this decision one day and be hugely grateful you made it! Good luck.
A
female
reader, raspberry.truffle +, writes (26 May 2011):
raspberry.truffle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks caring guy, I've broken up with him and made it clear that I don't want to be with someone like that any longer. Obviously this is a difficult time for me but time heals all =)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 April 2011):
Sometimes, I wish that people would just open their eyes. The problem with love is that it can be blinding. In your case, it's blocking you from seeing the truth.
This guy is a vile loser - period.
There is absolutely no future with a man who treats you this shabbily, is this pathetic when it comes to work and plays video games all day.
As I was reading this, I wanted to jump out of the screen and shake you until you saw how badly you're being treated. This isn't even a relationship. This is a pathetic loser treating you like dirt.
Enough certainly is enough. Forget about him turning into a good guy, and forget about him as relationship material. You are the one who is the adult, and you are the one who needs to make decisions for your own life. You have the chance now to be rid of this idiot so you can become a successful person, and meet a better guy who will really care for you.
It would be a total waste of your time and life to remain with this guy.
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