| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Do I need to be concerned about this sort of behaviour?
Q. Do men who like to slap women during sex have an anger issue,my boyfriend is a loving caring man but sometimes he likes to slap my backside which i don't mind during sex as i find it a turn on,but a couple of times he has just up and slapped me ...
A. 20 July 2011: I would be concerned about the slapping across the face. However, he could just be into that and he could be pushing the boundaries because you've allowed him to slap your backside.
The measure here is whether he will stop slapping your face duri... (read in full...)
Are these fears valid? I am afraid of my future husband's reaction in regards to my sexual history
Q. I feel so disgusted and upset with myself and I can't tell anyone. I turned 19 yesterday and have been on/off with a man who has narcissistic personality disorder for 5 years. He is a total jerk one day, super nice the next, it has always been lik...
A. 20 July 2011: Technically you are a virgin. You didn't have vaginal sex, so you are a virgin. You also don't need to tell anyone about this. It's not anyone's God given right that they need to know your sexual past. The only thing I'd always recommend is that you ... (read in full...)
Is it just a normal guy thing to be like this, or should I worry? I seem to come second after his porn and video games.
Q. Hi there, my boyfriend and i have been together for a year now, and we have known each other for over 11 years, we were best friends growing up, and everything was great in the begining but now, it just seems like i get pushed aside for his vide...
A. 20 July 2011: To be honest, I think you should look at the type's of guys you're attracted to. You seem to be picking the same type over and over again.
A guy who goes on facebook and says if he had the chance he'd '**** them like crazy' is about as wort... (read in full...)
Am I doing too much analysis? Sometimes I think he doesn't care at all.
Q. Hi guys.. I have been "casually sleeping" with one of my ex boyfriends for a little over a month now. We had been broken up for almost 4 years, were both 20 now. (i'm almost 21) I state it like that because we do more than just casual sex. He u...
A. 20 July 2011: Sorry - his actions don't say he wants you back. At all. In fact, his actions merely says that he wants you hanging around for sex.
If he wanted to be with you, especially after 4 years, he'd be far clearer and he wouldn't say "I can't be in a rela... (read in full...)
Boyfriend ruined my expensive pot, should I make him replace it?
Q. When I moved into my first apartment I invested in a really expensive ($200) cooking pot. My mom has several that I grew up cooking with and they have lasted her almost 30 years each, still going strong. I LOVE mine and treat it carefully. I now ...
A. 18 July 2011: Shows how little respect he has for you, really. Yes, he should replace it since he left it to rot. And if he won't, don't cook for him ever again. ... (read in full...)
I'm inexperienced sexually compared to my wife. How can I know if I'm satisfying her?
Q. I recently got married, and I don't have a lot of sexual experience for my age (early 30s). Although my wife has quite a bit of experience sexually, we didn't have sex before marriage because she decided awhile back to abstain until marriage. Due ...
A. 18 July 2011: I know I'm a guy, so my 'experience' is from the same side as you. But I know maybe 1 thing:
- An experienced woman who knows what she likes and knows what she's doing doesn't waste time faking it! She does it for real because she knows!
What ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be trusting him? It all seems too good to be true!
Q. I'm inexperienced with guys and I can be really naive. So in really worried that I've been too believing with this guy.So I met this guy and we started talking so before I left he came up and hugged me his excuse he just felt like it. So that night ...
A. 18 July 2011: It's really too soon to be able to tell what he's up to. You almost need to go on this date and really get to know him before you can ask anything else. He seems to be okay though - it's not like he's been out of order or anything.
I would say at t... (read in full...)
I'd like to date him, but my mother says he'd a bad influence!
Q. Dear Cupid, Teenage girl confused here. I started working with this guy who goes to my school. He's going to be a senior in high school and we've been mayjorly flirting. Even our boss tells us to stop flirting. Everyone at work thinks we're dating. ...
A. 18 July 2011: Does he do drugs? Because if he does, basically your mom's right - he's not safe to be around. ... (read in full...)
Husband of 17 years left last week, already wants our kids to meet his girlfriend!
Q. My husband of 17 years left me last week and the children (aged 12 and 14) were naturally upset. Well me too, but this question is about them, not me. He has moved in with another woman, who he apparently met in the pub about 2 months ago - she...
A. 18 July 2011: Wow. Your husband is pretty cruel to be honest. Get a lawyer and take him straight to the cleaners.
And no judge will seriously believe that after just one week, you can be to blame for your children not want to see the new woman. He'll most like... (read in full...)
I'd like to date him, but my mother says he'd a bad influence!
Q. Dear Cupid, Teenage girl confused here. I started working with this guy who goes to my school. He's going to be a senior in high school and we've been mayjorly flirting. Even our boss tells us to stop flirting. Everyone at work thinks we're dating. ...
A. 18 July 2011: I also think we need to know what reasons your mother has given. ... (read in full...)
Is my husband having sex with someone else?
Q. me and my husband havent had sex in about 3 days on the 4th day we had sex he came extremly fast and it was thick kind of gooey like...is that a sigh of him having sex with with some one else?...
A. 18 July 2011: Quite the opposite. This is a sign that he's not had sex for a few days. Nothing to worry about at all.... (read in full...)
She dumped me...but why does she keep coming back into my life?
Q. Hi everyone; Well hope someone can help me truely. I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years and 2,5 years of it we were living together. I met her when she was 17 and i was 21 now she is 22 and im 26. In the 5 years she has dumped me 7-...
A. 18 July 2011: No offence, but she comes back to you for the same reason as someone wipes their feet on the doormat - it's there and they can do it.
You seem like a nice, committed guy - but in being nice and committed, you are allowing yourself to become the ... (read in full...)
I let go of a wonderful man for my cheating ex...how can I forgive him?
Q. My story is very similar to many people but I will make a long story short... Last year, I sensed my boyfriend of 4 years was cheating on me with my former best friend so I ended the relationship and moved on quite quickly. My ex-boyfriend tried to...
A. 18 July 2011: You are in the classic position that so many women have put themselves in. You're in love with an idea, an image, not a person. You're in love with with the man you want your ex to be, not with the man he is. The tragedy is that he will never be the ... (read in full...)
What is his problem?
Q. Basically I don't know what's wrong with my friend. We used to be so close but things have changed. I don't get what's wrong with him. Last summer it was the first time he started flirting with me and I told him not to. So he avoided me for ...
A. 14 July 2011: The friendship you had is gone, and it won't be coming back. Why? Because the guy fancies you and can't handle that you don't feel the same way. And he will never be able to handle it.
He so clearly fancies you, and when you turned him down, it h... (read in full...)
I think it's out of order him accusing me of things I haven't even done!
Q. I'm really angry right now! My boyfriend of 2 and a half yes text me saying can I trust you? He has been on my phone and I have been texting one of my friends from school. And all i was on about is "how hes life is now being a new uncle!" ...
A. 12 July 2011: I can help you, by saying walk away from him. And that's really as far as it goes. It's become clear that your boyfriend is a spying control freak. What you have to understand about this behaviour, is it will get worse - much worse. This is just the ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a two-year-old to want to nap/sleep/lay on her dad's chest?
Q. Is it normal for a two year old girl to want to nap/sleep/lay on her dad's chest? She's definitely a daddy's girl but a friend of mine told me she shouldn't want to lay on him. As soon as he lays down even if she's not going down for a nap or rea...
A. 12 July 2011: I think your friend is the one with the problems, not your daughter. ... (read in full...)
Winning her back again....
Q. Can a person win their girfriend back from a rebound twice? The first time we dated for 6 months and as we had problems and broke up she got into a rebound relationship. We got back together and after 3 years in happened again. Everyone says she ...
A. 12 July 2011: To be honest, if you couldn't work it out properly two times before, and each time she went onto a rebound, I'd say that it'll never work out.
Leave this one and move on.... (read in full...)
Ex-girlfriend didn't use a condom when she cheated on me....
Q. So my ex-girlfriend cheated on me and we eventually broke up after trying to fix things. We only tried for a month but it was clear she didn't want to try... for the month we were together she wouldn't barely kiss me. Not even a week after we ...
A. 12 July 2011: Good - you shouldn't have respect for her. She put your health at risk, and in the end was just a liar and a cheat. I'd be worried if you did have respect for her, because it would show you as someone who didn't have high enough standards.
The good... (read in full...)
He keeps standing me up and hurting me badly, but now he wants to see me again - should I go?
Q. His someone i love so much. however he never has time for me. when i try seeing him, he always says his busy. sometimes we plan to meet, and when he stands me up. i feel hurt and end up being depressed for a week however now he wants to see me. ...
A. 12 July 2011: Never face a problem that you can entirely eliminate. Why even waste the energy? You can get rid of this whole problem right now by saying 'no', then cutting contact and leaving him in the past. He will hurt you, so why get hurt when you can get rid ... (read in full...)
Will he ever leave her for me or am I just being selfish ?
Q. I realize how this all sounds and I know the easy answer will be leave him; but I need some honesty. I have been dating a guy 10 yrs older than me for a year now. We met at work, planned to hook up once and that's it. Somehow once became twice, an...
A. 11 July 2011: No, he won't leave her. He even got her pregnant, God bless her. He'll never leave her. But he will make a mockery of you. So you need to leave him.... (read in full...)
Scared my boyfriend's parents won't me because of my parents divorce!
Q. My bf of 3 years had decided to tell his parents about me and he plans to introduce me to his family. He has already told them about me and my family situation. My parents are divorced for about 3 years now and that is a problem for his parents. ...
A. 11 July 2011: This situation is actually far clearer than your emotions will let your realize. Taking all the emotion out of this, and looking at it logically, what this is is is a test as to whether your boyfriend is more concerned about what his parents think, ... (read in full...)
Is she over reacting to our Daughter's facebook or am I irresponsible.
Q. Me and my wife split up over 2 years ago. I quickly found someone new and we have been living together for over a year. My ex has always let me see my daughters every other weekend and they have been allowed to sleep over at weekends and during ...
A. 11 July 2011: Take her straight to court if you have to. You've done precisely nothing wrong. ... (read in full...)
My GF wants me to remove a tattoo from my chest which spells my late sister's name, because my ex had the same name, and my GF doesn't want to be reminded of my ex!
Q. My twin sister died a few years ago in a car accident. I was really affected by her death. She wasn't just my sister but my best friend. I got a tattoo of her name on my chest so that she'll always be next to my heart. I have been seeing a...
A. 11 July 2011: Yep - teenage diva if there ever was one. Run. ... (read in full...)
Do relationships ever come out of FWB relationships?
Q. hi all do relationships ever come out of fuck buddys just wondering as me and this man are having sex and im really starting to fall for him i don,t want to tell him cos i don,t want to scare him off thanks everyone...
A. 10 July 2011: Exactly what So Very confused said.
Usually, nothing comes of FWB relationships. If you are falling for him, now is the time to either tell him or end it. If you don't, you'll never know how he feels, or you'll end up very hurt when he dumps you ... (read in full...)
Is it strange to walk in town when no one else does?
Q. i have a tendency to walk through town. many people that know me find this strange because no one else does this activity. also i can not drive simply for the reason that i am not very good at it and would most likely be dead if i atemtet to do so. ...
A. 10 July 2011: I basically walk everyone - and I even have a driving license. Who cares what other people think? You're probably healthier than them, and you probably have a better time. I tend to find driving stressful because of traffic jams and all that. I ... (read in full...)
Can I get an IUD fitted regardless of being 19, childless and still a virgin?
Q. I'm 19 and thinking about contraception for the first time. Having done a fair amount of research on all types available, the (non-hormonal) IUD sounds the most appealing. I'm wondering if I could have one fitted though - am I too young? Some ...
A. 10 July 2011: You'd be much better off making an appointment with your GP. Always be wary of medical advice on the internet - because whilst we're all kind and want to help, realistically a Doctor's advice would be much better, especially given that there are ... (read in full...)
I'm battling cancer and boyfriend is on the internet looking at other women!
Q. Hi everyone. Im in a big problem, and I need so advice. I got with my bf around 1 year and one month ago. We loved eachother very much, to such an extent we'd never talk to another guy or girl even as friends. We were VERY possessive of one another, ...
A. 10 July 2011: To be honest, I don't think you should be with him. Him looking at pictures isn't really the problem. The problem is his whole reaction to you being ill, and your huge dependency on him.
His reaction to your illness right from the start has been... (read in full...)
Husband has panties that aren't mine!
Q. i found a jelly vagina on my husband jacket and some pair of panties and the panties are not mine i ask hem why he had that plus some blue pills too and he dint answer my question he toll me that i was making a big deal but i think that the panties ...
A. 9 July 2011: Your husband's a cheat, pure and simple. There is simply no other excuse for the jelly and panties. He's a cheat. Whether you stay or not is up to you. Personally, I don't think I would. ... (read in full...)
Is it too much to want sex twice a week?
Q. My same sex partner and I have been together for about 4 years and we recently fight a lot over sex. The problem is I have a high sex drive and she doesnt. We have sat down and talked about it but she always gets so angry we never get anywhere. She ...
A. 9 July 2011: There is a lot more to this than just sex. And I'm not sure actually how much fault you need to take. This level of anger goes well beyond just sex.
You are in a relationship, and that does mean compromise. Some people have more libido, some less... (read in full...)
I'm planning to send a friend to flirt with my bf and test his loyalty to me. Is this the right thing to do?
Q. Okay my boyfriend is acting kinda shady. There is this girl that just got a job as a salesperson and she's drop dead hott. She has a perfect body and she's engaged and she already slept with one of the workers he works with. And ever since she ...
A. 9 July 2011: No. You should NEVER test someone. I personally dumped a woman for trying this with me.
Either you trust your boyfriend, in which case you don't need to test someone. Or you don't trust him, in which case you either just end it or you deal with... (read in full...)
I seem to have no emotions. Nothing turns me on. Should I see a doctor? I want to feel more emotion
Q. I seem to have no emotions. This is something so weird and it has not gone away, I don't know how to deal with it. Around the time I was 19 I started to "not feel" much. I thought it was just a normal thing, you know, after the crazy hormonal ...
A. 9 July 2011: To be honest, it sounds like you're suffering from depression. Low libido, lack of emotions etc are often a sign of depression. I think I would recommend to you that you get checked out by a doctor, and perhaps even see a therapist to try and find ... (read in full...)
Does it make me out of the ordinary that I prefer guys with a solid build? Even a touch chubby?
Q. Hi again my loves :) I was just wondering, if it's at all odd that I am attracted to chubby lads? Every one I know, apart from one creeper who makes it an embarrassment, likes fit, slim people. Me? I personally like chubby guys. Not like huge, bu...
A. 9 July 2011: I don't think so. I think people (men and women) all have different types that they fancy. We aren't robots who have to all like a certain type. We're all different in that respect, and we all see things that we want in partners. You may even find ... (read in full...)
Is there any point to dating and relationships if you are infertile?
Q. My partners ex, was fertile and had children for my partner. I am infertile and cannot have any children. My partner seems okay with this, but his mother told me that I should do the right thing and leave him, so he can have a family and be happy ...
A. 7 July 2011: I've got a sneaking suspicion at the back of my mind that his mother is a jealous, controlling woman who probably drove the ex away, and will drive any other woman away too. If my mother ever acted like this, I'd cut her out. This woman has no right ... (read in full...)
How can I create the right moment to ask her out?
Q. Hey guys so I like this girl but I don't seem to be able to ask her out. As most of you probably know you want to wait for the right moment but it just hasn't come, there has always been something in the way. So how can I create that moment? Also ...
A. 7 July 2011: There's never really a right moment. To be honest, people who wait around for the right moment usually miss out. You should just get on with it and hope for the best. ... (read in full...)
My fiance is demanding I have a DNA test, even though I only cheated once back in 2010!
Q. Dear cupid, Me and my fiance are expecting our 1st baby. He wants a DNA test, just because I messed around just 1 time and that was last year (2010)! IT'S A NEW YEAR! I mean, he's actually "insisting" that i get a DNA test... I just got pregnant...
A. 7 July 2011: OP, I think to suggest in any way that what he's asking for is pathetic is a very sad indictment of your relationship. You may know it's his, but how on earth can you seriously expect him to trust you when you cheated, whether it was last year or ... (read in full...)
Feel worthless over Boyfriends cruel comment.
Q. My boyfriend said to me while drunk tonight "you cant even have children what good are you??" Now I am in tears, it hurt me so bad. I feel like giving up now. He made me feel more worthless then I already do...
A. 7 July 2011: Why are you still with him? It seems like he's done this sort of thing before? And even if he didn't, what he said was pretty cruel. I think we need to know more before we can really advise you. ... (read in full...)
He is the one for me, so why does he treat me like the one for right now??
Q. iv felt for a long time that i simply dont turn him on visually.what are definate signs your not the one turning him on?? i remember a few weeks into dating him , we were in town and he thought nothing of pointing her out as his mates sister, fi...
A. 6 July 2011: That's why you need to leave him. You're not the first to suffer this, and you sadly won't be the last. But you are a person who now sees the problem, and can get away from it. ... (read in full...)
My virgin husband is making me get an std test before he will marry me...
Q. My fiance is making me get an STD test before he marries me. He is a virgin and I'm not. I have been with 2 guys before him. He told me he just wants to be sure I am clean before he marries me because he does not want to catch an std. He is ...
A. 6 July 2011: I don't think this is a bad idea at all. With all the STD's going around (and there are a lot), I think people do need to take some serious responsibility. Like others here, I also get tested every time I find a new partner, on the basis that you ... (read in full...)
He is the one for me, so why does he treat me like the one for right now??
Q. iv felt for a long time that i simply dont turn him on visually.what are definate signs your not the one turning him on?? i remember a few weeks into dating him , we were in town and he thought nothing of pointing her out as his mates sister, fi...
A. 6 July 2011: Basically, you're with an abuser who's just using you. There is nothing here at too to suggest that he cares for you, loves you, respects you etc. All there is, is you being a good person and him abusing that.
I think you need to get away from him.... (read in full...)
My ex husband of 5 years won't take no for an answer, how can I get him to stop trying to have sex with me?
Q. My ex husband and I get along very well as parents. We have been apart for 5 years. I am in a serious relationship with another man. Several times since we parted he has come onto me sexually and I have told him no, that it isn't gonna happen. Once ...
A. 6 July 2011: Tell him you'll report him for sexual harassment if he continues. ... (read in full...)
I know he is looking at other women when we are together, so why does he bother lying about it???
Q. My boyfriend oogles other women, and even when it's totally obvious and I ask him right in the moment, he will deny it, get angry with me and call me a jealous, insecure women. Why will he not just own up to it?...
A. 6 July 2011: Exactly what female anon says at the bottom.
He won't own up because you continually corner him with this same question. If it bothers you that much, tell him you know he does it and that you want him to stop doing it in front of you. Just don'... (read in full...)
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