A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my husband for 3 years. i think we married too soon after meeting. hewas the most amazing caring considerate person. would always think of me and look after me and i inturn did the same for him. however while i have not changed ..he has. living with him is virtually impossible. he is not backwards in coming forwards when showing he hates me. words are not needed as actions show more than any words could. it gets to the point latley where i just have to walk out becuase i cant bear to be in the same room as him because he angers me so much with his horrible behaviour. if im ill he quite clearly couldnt care less. if i mention his attitude , which i only did once, its not something he will discuss. he controls everything i do. who i speak to, when i get up, what i wear, when i eat, what i eat. the list goes on. i simply want and deserve to be treated as kindly as i do him. i wish id never met him.as an example of uncaring attitude i constantly ask if he wants a tea and rush to make him one if yes even putting off whatever im in the middle of off. but in the last year i think he has genuinly made me tea twice or three at most.he came to live with me last year in my home i paid for since that point things went downhill very fast. it was like he said to himself, im entitled to half so why should i make the effort. i am the type of person who is often too kind and will help anyone for any reason. i dont think its too much to ask the same in return. my so called husband doesnt act with any respect for me in anything. please help. i need advice. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, spinnaker  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 Regardless of if you got married too soon, you are married now and unless you wish to go through the process of underwriting the attorney's vacation to the grand cayman by getting a divorce, you need to access what is going on and where the levels of communication are.
He has not changed - think back through your relationship and remember cases where he was controlling, manipulative, disrespectful or dismissive. Chances are you ignored those things or even thought they were cute in the moment. I would start with the conversations on how he managed to live with you in the first place.
That aside, you need to figure out how best to reach him. Blasting him with both barrels over his behavior is only going to escalate the hostility. Explaining to him how his behavior makes you feel is a far less inflammatory approach.
"I feel (x) when I am spoken to in this way."
Something like that takes the attention off of him specifically. If you were to put the word "you" anywhere in that sentence, he is going to feel indicted. Avoid "You" statements when expressing yourself.
Hopefully this helps. Please keep us all posted.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 May 2011):
Sadly, marrying this man has been a major error, because he put up such a good front. When it comes down to it, he marked you and got you and now treats you like dirt because he can. Your post is screaming that you need to end it with this man. You're being emotionally abused, and this could escalate to violence, so it's important that you no get away.
I'd suggest talking to Citizen's Advice:
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
and finding out about your rights and where you stand. You will also need to get legal advice too.
Don't even consider trying to fix this marriage - it won't work. He's got you where he wants and the only way to stop this is to just get rid of him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): First, I am so sorry you are going thru this difficult time.From what you described, you might be in a very emotionally abusive situation.Do you have family or freinds that are a good emotional support to you? Would you consider talking to a professional relationship therapist alone? Chances are you DID marry him before knowing who he really was or IF he was compatible for you?Since his personality changed right after moving in with you, perhaps that was his "goal" and he discovered he is really unhappy with his choice. Instead of being responsible, he is now taking his frustrations out on you, trying to "perfect" you into the Holy Grail of a wife.Maybe both of you had unrealistic ideals of what marriage was supposed to be.Seek out professional and personal support to help you sort through the facts and face some tough choices.Best Wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 He's not gonna change. Like you said, he's unwilling to co-operate with you, so it doesn't sound like he wants to go to marital counselling or anything like that.
You do everything for him and he loves it. It sounds like you're his slave! You deserve so much better!
Divorce him.
...............................
|
