A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I heard girls like to change guys. Is that true, I'm a gentlemen. I never had a girlfriend before, but I'll always be there for my girlfriend. I'll love her the way she is, I'm a sweet heart guy. I'm smart, I make people laugh, I'm well groomed, I clean after my self, I love hanging out with younger kids. I have almost a hundred friends at school. I'll always help her out, if shes misses the school bus on the way home, I'll drive her home. I do want to be a father someday and I would love my kids more than anything in the world. Do you think girls will try to change me or be my girlfriend.?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): Girls don't want to date you. Girls want to date jerks and then try to change them into you.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 May 2011):
It honestly depends on the girl, and in fairness depends on what you mean by change.
First, there are obviously some women who do want to change a man for their own reasons. They nearly always have esteem problems, and it shows in different ways. Some just like the drama of it all and enjoy knowing a man will run around and change (these women usually pick in nice guys, so watch out!). Others fixate on a specific issue from their past, and rather than deal with the issue, they expect others to change for them. We had a woman on here a while ago who's father was an alcoholic. She was naturally against alcohol, and made it clear that she expected any man in her life to stop drinking - something that she had no real right to expect. She needed to deal with her problem, not expect others to change for her.
These women, as I say, always suffer from insecurity. Their thinking is that if a man changes, she has control and he really loves her. It never really works, and these women always end up either in abusive relationships, or alone and miserable.
However, there are also women who I genuinely believe see something in a man and try to coax it out of him, or change him because it will in fact better him and her. My girlfriend, for example, suggested a few years ago that I change my hairstyle to appear more professional and mature. So I did. Since then people have always remarked upon how much better I look with a more mature hairstyle (I know this is small in the grand scale), and now I'm up for promotion etc etc (I'm aware that the hair has little to do with this, but the point is that sometimes change can help)
In contrast, my father once tried for promotion and my mother suggested he change his hair, get a briefcase etc. He didn't (he's a pretty crap guy who doesn't listen), and surprise he didn't get promotion and lost out to the guy who appeared more professional.
The point of my rambling here is that sometimes women see something in you, and actually if you listen it can help you, and thus better you.
Looking at you, I'd say you're a great guy who has a lot going for him. Very specifically, you need to be aware of those women who are insecure and will try to change you because of their own wants and needs - not because it will better you. Nice guys will go out of their way to help people - and will often get trodden on because they don't know when to say no! I was guilty of this, but managed to get out of the cycle of accepting bad treatment. So be very aware of insecure women who will change you for their own ends.
But, on the other hand, if you find a good woman, listen to her. Because more than frequently, women make suggestions that make very good sense and will better you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): It depends on the person. Mosty she wouldnt. If she would then she doesn't love you the way you are. Or maybe she simply wants fun. I think you should go out a lot and if you think she's "bored" with you then try to be naughty and all. Mostly shell want you to be a naughty boy because you said you're a gentleman.
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