A
female
age
30-35,
*oniqueEE
writes:Hi guys,I have a silly situation which many of you will tell me to snap out of, but here goes:After my breakup I began rebounding with a guy I had met a few months before. We started sleeping together and as he was only the second guy I had ever physically been with, it was amazing in comparison to my ex. Recently against my will, I started to want to know him better and realised I was getting feelings. My friends suggested I let him know but I refused because I still wanted the sex.Yesterday they convinced me to tell him, so I messaged and told him that I was developing feelings and whether he thought we should stop because I wanted more. He replied with a message that confused me. He said he couldn't get into anything serious because of his last relationship.I wasn't looking for serious, I just wanted to get to know him better. We always went out for dinner or drinks and talked for hours before the physical whenever we met up, and he was the one suggesting films we could see together and going with him to other cities.Did I do the right thing here? I'm worried that I'll forever be single if I keep making mistakes. I just thought that being honest would have paid off.I feel setback.Any advice would be be great.Thanks :)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 I think being honest is the right way to go... short term heartbreak is easier to deal with than the stuff that comes from long term involvements that are based on hope and prayer
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): You did the right thing and spared yourself complete heartbreak. You were honest and he was honest back and now you know nothing will ever come of this except sex so now there is no more confusion or ambiguity.
It payed off because hopefully now you won't waste years of your life chasing down this man who doesn't want you for more than a romp and some companionship...that would be a set back if you did that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): I agree with the others. Honesty does pays off. But it does not make someone commit more than they want to.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 You were right to be honest- and he was honest too. He told you what he feels, i.e. that he is fine with the casual way things are between you and, probably, also with the amount of time you spend together.
( Albeit maybe you have been a bit unclear wording your message, because if, after all, all you want is a few more social outings together, you could have told him just that , rather than a vague, and a bit disquieting " I want more " ).
Being honest is always the best way to go. Just don't assume that if you ask something honestly, you'll always get what you want. Some times you'll only get ...an honest answer that's not of your liking.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Honesty always pays off. If you want a relationship, and this man can't offer you what you want, then instead of being strung along for months or years, you now know.
However, your message to him was just as confusing as his to you, in that case. Don't have these talks over text, meet up with him and talk to him about it instead. What you mean by "serious" doesn't like his idea of serious, so better to ask him and understand where you're coming from.
Honesty pays off, but it doesn't mean you will always hear the answers you want to hear. It just gives you a better chance of getting what you want.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 May 2011):
But don't you see? Your honesty did pay off - you now know that you're also a rebound, and that basically you're being kept around for the sex. The moment you said you wanted more, he got cold feet and suddenly he "couldn't get into anything serious because of his last relationship". Yeah, sure. I've heard that one before plenty of times, just on this site!
You were absolutely right to be honest and tell him that you were thinking about more. It's shown what he wants, which is a basically a FWB. At least of nothing else, he was honest about that with you - he could have lied and said "yeah, great" then dumped you further down the line.
I think if you are wanting more, you'd better look for another guy. This one isn't interested in taking what you two have to the next level, and you may well find that other more suitable guys will pass you by.
You were right to be honest, and it has paid off. You now know this guy wants nothing more than what you have now. Whether you stay or move on is the decision you now have to make.
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