A
female
age
36-40,
*atherine88
writes:i have been with my partner for 6 years now, i got with him at a very young age, i was 17 and he was 21, i have always had the same problem with him, his stubborness. Everytime we have an argument, he will NEVER make the effort to come after me and apologise or sorry i hurt your feelings or anything like that, he just wont contact me for a good few days and will ignore me which really hurts me, especially when hes in the wrong he just wont take responsibilty for his actions, so instead everytime it happens im the one who takes responsibilty and ends up apologising for his mistakes just to brush of the argument. Our views in some ways are slightly different, he is a very religious person, and one of our arguments recently was about "gambling" i like to play on a "penny" fruit machine every now and then, and im talking literally a pound in a fruit machine and if i win then great i walk away, if i dont then i wont keep puting more and more in uncontrollably, he knows i can control myself, but then he kept pressurising me saying its not just about me, what about people around me like my friends or family who im influencing? and when we have kids in the future, and he was calling me selfish, i told him that he really hurt my feelings and made me feel like a bad person, i dont drink, i dont have sex with him because he cant until hes married, so im respecting his beliefs already, but he still seems to find a way to have a dig at me! ive done so much for him, i think he sees it as if he was encouraging me not pressurising me, i told him that he upset me and made me feel like a bad person and i kept calling him the next day to talk about it but he wouldnt answer and would just ignore me, so i got angry and text him explaining that i was upset and that if he was going to pressurise me like that for the rest of my life then stay away from me, i tried calling him again after that still no answer, then he text me and said sarcastically, "sorry for caring, i'll try not to do it as much. Why do you wanna talk to me? you want me to stay away from you for caring about you" which is ridiculous i think? it sounds like hes just trying to re-phrase it and manipulate me in a way? what does everyone else think? thanks for taking your time to read :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): This guy is manipulative and controlling make no mistake about that and to be honest the best thing you can do is to break free from him, things with only get worse believe me, you are wasting precious time being with this guy and Mr Right most certainly is out there for you, you can do so much better than being stuck with Mr Wrong. Best of luck 2 u.
Bo x
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Don't you sometimes wonder what other guys are out there for you, that might be better suited for your personality? Think about the type of guy you'd like to have; one that enjoys doing the same thing you do, is easy-going and fun to be with and then.....go after that guy! If you stay with the one you're with now, you will eventually get married and if you think his behavior is going to magically change, I can tell you it will -- it will get worse! There are other guys out there that you do not have to keep apologing for. Yes, he's manipulative and judgemental. If he was truly religious he'd be excersing alot more patience and love towards you. Since you have been with this guy since you were young, you have no idea what else is out there. Don't wait until you've been married 10 years to rebel. It'll be much easier to get out now. Be strong! Your Mr. Wonderful is out there, you just have to start looking for him.
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A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (28 May 2011):
 I do this to my gf. To manipulate her. to turn the blame on to her for starting an arguement. maybe next time she will think twice about stepping a foot out of line and she will natrually avoid feeling unvalued.
He is excersizing this form of abuse on you. he is trying to condition you into bieng a slave to your own negative emotion. this is go on forever.
Its poisonous so get out when you can because i dont plan on stopping doing it to my gf. she becks at my command so why would i.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 May 2011):
I think there is a point at which you have to ask whether you're being made a mug of - and you are basically being made a mug of here.
I have respect for those with religious beliefs, because for many it does offer comfort and hope. But I very much dislike those who attempt to use religion as a force for control. At a very basic level, your boyfriend uses his religious beliefs to control you in everything he does - and like those sorts of people, he also is a total hypocrite who then doesn't accept responsibility for his own actions at all. So let's go through the problems, as I like lists to show people how badly they're treated.
- He never apologies, or takes responsibility for his actions. So for the rest of your life, you'll take the blame for everything. And he won't change, or forgive you, or offer support.
- You play a penny machine, and he has a massive go at you, calling you selfish and telling you it's not all about you! I can feel the hypocrisy from here!
- You have already made significant changes - and he still continues to try to control and change you.
- He's entirely ignorant of your wants and needs, to the point where something happens he just closes off. That won't be good if you ever get pregnant, ill, redundant, promotion, or if you face the death of a family member, friend - or basically anything that involves him caring for you.
- To top it off, he then speaks to you sarcastically, and makes it seem as if treating you like dirt if a favour he's doing you.
I'm sorry, but at heart this guy is as cold as ice. He hides behind religion, claiming that he does it all to make you a better person. But really, he's just a cruel, cold, manipulative sneak who is controlling you and won't ever allow you to develop into the person you want to be. I think of you stay with him, you'll just end up hugely depressed wondering what has happened to your life. Believe me, you can do a lot better. Find a guy who will accept you as you are, and allow you to develop. Don't stay with a guy who is trying to cruelly mould you into something you don't want to be.
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