A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are going through a very rough patch now. Basically our situation is special in the sense that he was my ex-teacher (but we started after I graduated) and that there's a 17 year gap between us.We've been together for 4 years plus now and things were going along so well (or so I thought) but recently he has been questioning our future. He's afraid that our relationship will affect his career and even our children (if we are having that is), as well as the wedge that our age gap may drive between us. But now he has also mentioned that his feelings might have changed towards me to a more platonic sense which allow him to see these problems more clearly. This came up in the last week but we didn't have time to talk things out as my family already had plans to go overseas for a week. Needless to say I was pretty torn up by this and didn't enjoy the holiday at all. So now we agreed to talk tomorrow on Sunday regarding our future and feelings etc. Is there anything I can say to persuade him that things will work out? I know now that the more pressing issue is his feelings, but I sense that it may be because of the foreseen problems that he feels stressed. So I was hoping for some advice from friendly aunts out there regarding our special situation. Thanks for any input in advance!
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 I think he wants out and you should allow him to end the relationship. The age difference between you is vast. He knows this. The work image is just an excuse. He knows that you will still be in your prime (30-ish) when he's pushing retirement. He doesn't want to be seen as the old pervert who's with the young woman anymore. He probably cannot imagine having children with you because by the time the kids start school he will be very old, more like a grandfather in everyone else's eyes. And why should you limit yourself to someone this old, when a guy your age will have the energy and drive to be the best kind of father and husband. Let him off the hook. It'll hurt, but you'll get over it and in time find someone young enough to fulfil your dreams.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): I appreciate your advice. Maybe some more information is in order...He's basically self-employed now as he has left the teaching service at school and now works as a private tutor, so no, the teachers at school don't know about this. (He left not because of our relationship.) We were actually discussing about how marriage would work out some time ago so I honestly didn't see this coming. He simply acted kinda out of sorts the last time we went out but I just chalked it down to being tired after work. So...yeah. I suppose the stress of making the relationship work is getting to him, which resulted in a lack of feelings? I always thought we were getting on well (there was absolutely no abuse of power or whatever...we started out as friends), but now...I'm not so sure if he was hiding it so well, or I just failed to see any symptoms.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 May 2011):
To be honest, this sounds like it may have gone as far as it can. Your boyfriend has come up with 4 specific reasons as to why you should end it. Career, children, age gap and feelings. That's a lot of reasons really. And usually when a man names specific reasons, he's given it some real thought.
I wonder how this all really started for him, to be honest. I know you were an ex student when is started, but it seems like maybe you were more of a novelty to him than a long term prospect. I also wonder if something has been said by colleagues, who are concerned that he has been dating an ex student. He is right, this could affect his career. Some might be uneasy employing someone who then went out with an ex student.
I think all you can do is sit with him and tell him exactly how you feel. But if he does decide to end it, I wouldn't fight for him.
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A
female
reader, De la Fuente  +, writes (28 May 2011):
Your question is " persuade" ?
The ANSWER ! The only ONE who SHOuLD "be doing" the PERSUADING is HIM to YOU...
Best of luck
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