A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone help me feel less cynical about love? With all the celebrities in the news who have cheated on their wives, and my own experience of being cheated on by an ex-bf after we'd been together 8 years, I'm wondering if anyone has a relationship that lasts:( Are humans just biologically wired up to cheat? Is it inevitable in every relationship? I'm now in a new relationship (7 months) with a great guy, but can't help feeling that he will eventually cheat on me too. This is not affecting my behaviour towards him, but it does mean that I am not allowing myself to let go fully and experience all the emotions that go with being in love. I'd love to hear any comments on this issue. Thanks :) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): People are not hard wired to cheat, but cheat for a lot of reasons.It has everything to do with them and little to do with their partner.I've been married for nearly 20 years, and I have lost count of the number of women who have caught my eye in my lifetime, before and since I've been married. But I've never cheated...hope I never do. Probably won't if I stay sober and clear headed. But, mix in drugs, alcohol, depression, self esteem issues, etc, and cheating happens."being cheated on by an ex-bf after we'd been together 8 years"Again, the questions is "why did he cheat", not "why was she someone who people would cheat on". That relationship is a long term one. Cheating in this type of relationship is like an affair in a marriage. These books below may help you.http://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0060928174http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Affair-Program-Together/dp/157230801Xhttp://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503
A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (27 May 2011):
Hey - you can always ask your man casually what he thinks about so and so cheating on this wife arnie and marie etc - the mans reaction to those things will be a good indicator to how he feels morally about cheating
However - if she does drugs, drinks alot or has a a type personality where winning is very important these men are in a higher risk factor for affairs. The thing is these men never do it for a emotional reason its all about power and conquest. so even if your man did have a one night stand and he said it didnt mean anything what would you do? You love him right and he says he loves you - would you take him back?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 May 2011):
You see to be spending a lot of time looking at the act of cheating, and not the people involved in the cheating. I think what you need to do is look at the person who has cheated, and the person who has been cheated on.
Take a certain ex governor of California, for example:
For years, it was hugely rumoured that he was a serial womanizer. Literally, for 20 years. And it was frequently also rumoured that he was quite controlling, and not a nice guy.
But...his wife stood beside him. And he was always seen as somewhat bad. So, in the end, this was a doomed relationship. You had a woman who was willing to be walked over for whatever reason (self esteem, denial, money or whatever), and a man who was always coming across as a cheat and liar. And this is nearly always the case in most of those celeb cheats.
Look beyond the act of cheating, to the man. Listen to what is being said about the man. Watch what he does. Then you'll know who to avoid, and you'll be able to recognize bad guys who'll hurt you.
Don't fixate on the cheats. Fixate on good guys instead. There are a lot.
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A
female
reader, lysha +, writes (27 May 2011):
 noone would stick around for seven months, if they didnt like you, ill tell you my story but put it in sort form;)me and my boyfrend have been togeher nearly six months, he used to be the person always getting arrested and was smoking weed, had ifghts and all the rest he comes from a family who do the exact thing and they are all pretty close, although his dad always was let down by him, his dad got out the cycle a few years back and now has a family he is settled with, now my boyfriend didnt like letting his dad down but never knew how to stop with his behaviour, then i come along, he never actually had loved anyone his relationship last somewhat 3 weeks at the most but was based around sexual activity as he has only slept with 3 people me being the third, he has completely changed his ways and is now wanting to propose to me, he is joining the army and has shocked his entire family but they and also his dad are very proud of him, iknew him for a year before we got together but iwanted to give him the chance and idid just that, he is with me all the time, and is allways expressing his love to me:)so yes their are good relationships and ones that last, they dont all cheat and it seems like you have found the right one, he wouldnt of stuck around for seven months if he didnt wanna be with you:)
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