A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok my boyfriend dumped me almost 2 month ago.I was in a LDR with him for 3 years and in real life we are perfect. Absolutely amazing. Last time I saw him was January and not long after I left he became depressed. He got really bad and lost all feelings and no longer felt anything love being one. He no longer wants relationships or specifically love, so because of this I got dumped.I took it really hard, still am...but thats a different story.I still talk to him on msn and skype every now and then but to begin with I couldnt because I couldnt grasp the fact I lost him, it hurts to much.Anyway all he does is play COD and this girl added him because she wants good players and they were in a chatroom, around 10 people altogether and they all put out the msn addresses and added each other...well his pm next to his name became 'Jenna* your such a f**king retard lolololol'I got very upset by it and was like who the hell is she and he explained and I was like do you like her? I thought you dont want a relationship etc? to which he explained more why she was on his list and said shes just a friend...he never mentioned why he changed his PM to this.Anyways Im really hurt by it because in the whole of 3 years I never got mentioned in his pm so why is she? Is this him flirting with her? He genuinely doesnt want a relationship and know what Im lost and Im struggling badly here.How do I cope with this? Am I wrong in what I did? How should I act with him? Is he moving on (ok he isnt he spends all day in his room being unhappy) help me please. How do I move on?Or how do I get him back? I want him back so badly.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 May 2011):
OP, the time has come for you to open your eyes, block this guy from facebook and make a real effort to move on. Because if you don't, soon you'll wake up, log on and find that he has a new girlfriend. And that'll make it much worse.
The answer is yes, he is moving on.
He chose to end it because of his own issues. That's nothing to do with you. That's him, and you need to accept that. But you can't sit there wondering whether he's moving on or not, or whether he's seeing people or not. Yes, he is moving on. Yes, at some point he will find another girl. That's the way this will go, and it's only a matter of time.
In fairness, he gave you an explanation as to why this girl was on facebook. But he doesn't have to, and you don't really have the right to be asking who she is or anything like that now that you're broken up. You have to accept that what you has is over, and that you no longer have any control over his dating, or any right to know.
You are not going to cope with just being friends, so your best bet now is to cut contact, and move on. Because you are heading straight towards heartache.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 Stop wanting him. Easier said than done I know.
You are hurt and that sucks and I'm sorry. LDRs suck in general and when you are young they are worse.
This currently feels like the WORST thing that has ever happened in your life and I'm sorry... I really am sorry you are hurting but you can't MAKE him want you. You can't FORCE him to have a relationship with you IRL or LDR...
The best thing to do is just put one foot in front of the other and live your life the best you can...
Personally for me I find that cutting all contact is better than still trying to be friends.
You will think about him 24/7 for a while
then one day you will wake up and not think about him till you are in the shower...
then one day you wont' think about him till you are at breakfast
then one day you won't think about him till you are driving to work/school
and FINALLY a long time from now (maybe MONTHS) you won't even think of him till you get into bed to go to sleep... and then is when you know your life is your own again.
Give yourself time, love and tenderness and your broken heart will heal....
...............................
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