A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:My ex called me after 8 mo or so.. saying he missed hanging out with me etc. When we were dating, he was going through a custody battle, living with his mom because he was helping her out (she had back surgery) and they fought alot. We ended on a sour note because we stopped talking. I mentioned it today and he said that he was going through alot at that time and didnt feel it was fair for me to have to deal with that. He invited me out for lunch for tomorrow but then asked if i wanted to come over play video games/watch a movie tonight and he'll make dinner (when we were dating..we used to do that and hes a chef, so he loves cooking). I dont find anything wrong with agreeing to hang with him because i do forgive him..im just slightly cautious. He claimed hes calling me now because he wanted to see how i was and had recently found my #. Apparently he lives on his own now and seems to be sorted out. He said he misses me and cant wait to see me. I probably will go over tonight but im not going to have sex with him or jump into a relationship with him. I guess im just surprised that he called..Is it weird that hes calling me months later, misses me and wants to hang with me?
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female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 Yeah definately weird lol. oh well he needs to sort something out, and right now im guessing his marbles lol good for you girl, you move on and let him do his own weird thing with someone else
:) x
A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (30 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question yeah weird right? i didnt know what to say so overall i said okay then, to him not wanting to talk about it, and basically next time to lemme know if he cancels, cos thatd be great and basically let him know if he gets sorted out and wants to make it upto me/see me.. i might be open on tues cause i leave thurs for 2 wks. im sure i didnt need to tell him the last part but.. im not gonna msg him anymore..cause even though i think he meant all the crap he said on fri, i think he has something goin on..and obviously doesnt want to share with me and is letting it effect everything. so if he wants to talk to me.. i guess he'll msg if he feels like it.i dont mind hanging with him.. but if he does this BS again, then forget it.however, im not going to pursue him. i also dont expect anything from him..its just weird how someone can be soo happy to all of a sudden, shut down and not wanna talk.ohwell i guess...thanks for all your comments..:)
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A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (30 May 2011):
To be honest I'd just forget about meeting up with him now. Considering you two had problems, he ended it before and now this....it doesn't seem he's changed all that much.
I don't think he really knows what he wants and it's just stringing you along, I can't see a stable relationship coming from this. Also even if you want to visit him just to be friends be careful, as someone else mentioned it'll only get his hopes up for something more.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (30 May 2011):
HI
wow not really sure he even knows what he wants. Well yeah Leave him to it then. You have better things to do than wait on a man who knows not what he wants. Next time he asks you out just say, geez after last time thanks but no thanks, whilst the offer is tempting, I'm not really in the frame of mind for games right now. Let him doing the running.
xx
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (30 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni sent him a msg today asking what happened and he said " i dont want to talk about it ok"
and i said ok then, "if we make plans another time and you cant chill, please lemme know..thatd be awesome. ttyl"
im not sure what happened.. he went from being overly excited to see me.. to flaking, and shutting down.
all i can do is leave him alone.. though im kinda annoyed and like..what the hell happened? lol
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (29 May 2011):
Hi
maybe he felt your anxiety about meeting, and didn't want to scare you off, after all it's been a while, and as you say, feelings held for a long time can harbour underlining issues. Rather than concern yourself now, let him come to you. But dont wait around either, because games are difficult to solve at times. (not that I think his playing games either) just dont let this take over everything else in your life. I think his nervous of what your going to be like with him now, and is backing back. But if you would like him back in your life you need to take the bull by the horn and encourage him to come out xx
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (29 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncindycares - .. no thats a different ex, i recently told that ex to quit calling me unless he wanted to fix things because i didnt like being jerked around. This post is about the ex bf before him lol.Dear Mandy - Thanks,.... its weird, we had plans tonight and we talked at 5pm and he said he was going to have dinner with his mom and a friend of hers and that he would call after around 7pm..so we could get together, but he never called. not sure what happened.. but it annoyed me..because he seemed so excited to want to hang with me..so i dunno what happened. I feel kinda stupid cause i got stood up..but maybe he had a valid reason, kinda hard not to be annoyed though.. i never flake on people and its my biggest pet peeve.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 Hi Pixie Gwen, I am not sure if we are talking about the same ex, or if this is a previous one.
Recently you were having issues with a guy that sort of kept you dangling, he was too busy with his life to give you the time and attention that he wanted, he was calling you then cancelling etc... and, the way I remember, it was that you told him enough is enough, come back when you are ready to be a real boyfriend.
IF we are talking about this individual, I think going to visit him is a total waste of time, and sends him wishy washy signals.
Has he done anything to show you he has changed ? has he said that now he is willing to pursue a relationship at your terms and conditions ?..
Do you even know if he wants to see you as a dear old friend ( I doubt it ) or if he would like to restart things, and in this case how do you now that this dinner is not another "bait" followed by his usual fickle, half-hearted attention ?...
I mean, you sort of gave him an ultimatum, conditions he is supposed to respect to be allowed back into your life. I think it would be wiser to talk about it, before starting another tug-of-war of different agendas.
Or maybe this is another guy we are talking about, in which case just ignore this post.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (29 May 2011):
HI
I think your doing the right thing, just take it slow.
people deal with stress differently, and maybe with his mum having back surgery, and probally demanding he do all sorts because she couldn't at the time, he was completey stressed out, and rather taking it all out on you he ended it. His seen the errors of his ways, so maybe you both deserve that second chance :)
I truely hope it works out for you both :) x
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (28 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not obsessed w my ex at all and I have moved on...i havent msged him for sometime now. Not sure what your talkin about but thanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): Dear PixieGwen,I think what I find weirder is that you have been asking your same ex-focused questions over and over again now for several months. Do you have an Obsession with this ex?Is it time you moved on from your ex? Can you get on with your life?Or perhaps try some face to face with a professional therapist, to help you cope with your need to repetively focus on your ex?Surely after all these months of repetitive questions on the same Ex, and very good advice, it IS time for you to move on?
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female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (28 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. Ill def see what he wants, feel it out a bit n I guess we'll see what happens
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (28 May 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI enjoyed his company when we were together and im still attracted to him...i guess im just nervous cause he seems waaaay happy or overly excited to see me..sayin he missed.me,.that im beautiful, he cant wait to see me etc. this is good stuff.im just skeptical, I honestly thought he hated me cause he didnt respond to my calls/emails when we broke up. And he said that he had alot goin on n didnt wanna drag me in it... But he still couldve talked tp me, ya know? And maybe he really is sorry, n does miss me..im just afraid of gettin hurt...so im gonna take it slow. I guess thats all I can do, right?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 May 2011):
Sometimes giving people time allows them to put things in perspective, and allows them to deal with problems properly. At the time, he was going through a lot in his life and it was the best thing that you ended, even if it was sour. Hopefully, it's given him time to get his life together, and maybe he's now a better bet. However, I would agree with Dear Mandy's post below - you should only really go and see him if you want to start dating again. If you've no intention of doing that, then it would be better to cancel and continue to move on.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (28 May 2011):
HI
Unless you want to get back with him, I would cancel going. This man wants you back, and he really loves you still. You saying you will go will only get his hopes up, and it could end with a nasty row.I dont think it's weird no, you obviously have made an impact on him. Just tell him you dont mind meeting up for a coffe some day, and that your flattered he has missed you so much, but you have moved on from the past, and want to look forward not back. Unless of course you DO want him back deep down, in which case why not, see how things go.
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): No, I don't think it's weird at all. I've had ex's who hunted me down decades later to tell me that they made a mistake in letting me go, blah blah. That is when I know that they truly feel soemthing for me. Guys are just kinda slow in figuring their feelings out. Lol!
In your case, I think you may have something real there. Sounds like he really likes you :)
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A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (28 May 2011):
It's not really weird, from the sounds of it I'd guess he has been through a lot and can see how that affected your relationship. Now he's trying to see (now he's a bit more stable in life) if there's anything still between you and if it will go anywhere.
I agree though don't just jump into bed or a relationship with him, wait until you know for sure what he wants and if things have really changed. It never hurts to be careful.
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