A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, well here is my story.I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4.5 years. We love eachother so much and I am grateful of our relationship. We go out with our friends once in a blue moon but would rather stay home, cuddle and chill together. Sort of like a married couple but in a good loving way. I recently started talking to my guy friend from highschool who I used to adore and have the biggest crush on. He was gorgeous then and got even more sexier now. Anyways since I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend I decided to "hook" him up with my friend. She needs a guy so I figured they are perfect for eachother. Kind of similar in ways they like to go clubbing and kind of playing the game and not serious. When I told him about my friend he was thrilled. He couldnt wait to meet her and do whatever lol. Anyways he contacted her and she was acting lame. He even asked me what her issue was? she claimed she met a guy and no longer had interest for him.Because of the way she was talking to him(bored and mean), he started texting me. He was asking if I was single or still with my boyfriend. I said im still with my boyfriend and he was sort of like "idc attitude I want you" It kind of flattered me considering I haven't seen him and long time crushed him since highschool. We kept talking and he was dirty at times but I guess I just went along with it because I havent flirted and had that thrill of chase in a long time. Not like I was looking for it, but it sort of felt good lol. Anyways hes been texting me like everyday wanting to chill. I would love to see him but what about my boyfriend? i dont plan on doing anything with him but you never know what could happen. My parents are going away this weekend and I will actually have the house to myself. Im just afraid if I invite him over and lie to my boyfriend that im at my friends house, he will probably pass by my house and see this guys car. I would love to go n with this and see him because I think about this guy at times and regret not doing anything about it earlier.I am not a whore and a tramp who is sleeping around behind her boyfriends back. Just hear me out. I guess it just felt nice to hear from another guy especially him.Anyways someone please help me!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011):
Do not invite this man over to your house. You might do something you will regret or your boyfriend might find out and dump you. Check your head!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): What would you do if you're boyfriend was doing all that. If you love you're boyfriend then don't do anything wrong. Don't cheat. If you want you're crush leave your boyfriend. I think you're crush is just infatuation as you want him sexually and it wouldn't work out, I think. Cz he's just looking for some fling.
Its lust or love?
Love.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 May 2011):
I think you'd be mad to even consider entertaining this guy. It's pretty clear that you're just second best, and that all he really wants is a quick one. When a guy knows you have a boyfriend who you (claim) to love, his response should be to back away. But to say "I don't care, I still want you" is a sure sign that he has no respect for you, no respect for the idea of a relationship and is making a mockery of your boyfriend (which you are allowing!).
What's worrying here though isn't his actions (which are to be expected from someone as immature as him), but your own response. You say you weren't looking for it - yet you've entertained him knowing you have a boyfriend, you've gone along with dirty texts, and now you want to have him over at your house when your parents are away. I'm afraid you are looking for it, at every step. You're only kidding yourself there.
To put that last bit in perspective - you have the house to yourself, and rather than have your boyfriend of 4.5 years over, you'd rather have some sleazy guy who has nothing on his mind but dipping his wick. And even you're claiming that you 'never know what might happen', which is admitting to us all that you want this guy and probably will cheat.
I personally think that this shows you aren't in love with your boyfriend, and that perhaps your relationship has come to an end. But I think that you're clinging to your boyfriend in case something else doesn't work out. He does seem to come across as entirely unimportant and second best in your life, since you'd actually rather consider someone else's leftovers (you mention your friend and he were trying to get together, but nothing came of it - maybe your friend saw something she didn't like) rather than him.
If you were really that into your boyfriend, you'd never have let anything get this far. And I think you know that but are perhaps scared to admit it for fear of being alone.
Personally, I think you'd do better to use this weekend alone to entirely think about what you really want. This will give you time to think about whether you want your boyfriend, in which case you absolutely owe it to him to cut this other guy out of your life. Or, perhaps the time has come to end it with your boyfriend and just have some fun until such time as you are really ready to settle down.
If nothing else, don't invite that guy over. You know you'll cheat, and then you'll have sunk pretty low in the eyes of everyone, including this new guy (who'll know that you're easily led astray and will just pander to him, which will lead him to use you as and when he can). And of course, in the eyes of any truly decent guys, you'll just be a cheat - untrustworthy and tarnished. And that's really what you don't want, because that reputation, especially in women, is very hard to shake off. As a friend of mine recently said "a woman who's slept with a thousand men is infinitely more respectable that a woman who's cheated just once". That is very true, for both men and women. You can't trust a cheat.
Don't become that cheat who sleeps with guys behind her boyfriend'd back. You've already allowed dirty texts, and you know you'll wind up cheating. Use this weekend to have a serious think about whether you'd be better moving on from your boyfriend and just having fun.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 May 2011):
 no. no, no, no, no. lol. and no again. don't you even think about thinking about doing this. if you love your boyfriend like you claim, you will NOT see this guy and lie to him about it. i know what it's like to enjoy the flattery and attention of another person from time to time. honestly, that's natural. but that's where you need to draw the line.what you're feeling right now is the rush and excitement of something new. but when all is said and done, you'll really regret this, i promise you. if your boyfriend finds out, he will be devistated. and believe me, you'll feel like shit, for a lack of better and more accurate words. and then the magnitude of what you've done will sink in. for some reason, we don't realize just what we have until we lose it. if you've been with him for 4.5 years and are still happy, you have no reason to look for anyone else to fill any void. be happy and content with your little marriage-like relationship.from someone who has done this to someone i loved, and has also had it done to them, i will tell you flat out like it is. the problems will hit the fan. and when it does, you will regret with everything you have what you willingly threw in the trash for just a little bit of excitement. 4.5 years wasted on a bad decision.also, think about how you would feel if your boyfriend lied to you and told you he was hanging out with his friends, only to shack up with an old highschool crush. if she went over to his place and had sex with him in the bed you two slept in. it's dispicable and you'd be completely heart-broken. we justify these things in our own mind to rationalize our behavior. and we tend to ignore how much it would truly hurt to have the tables reversed because it makes doing the act that much easier when we don't feel guilty. just do yourself a favor, and your boyfriend. DON'T DO IT!
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