A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Lately I've been feeling blue and I'm not sure if there's a solution to my problem. It's not a relationship problem, but it's driving me crazy!I absolutely LONG to have a pet of my own, and I know that nothing else will fill that void. The problem is, that I don't think I'm meant to have one. I really love animals and my family and I have had a series of pets, but I have had experiences lately that make me feel like I'm incompetent. I feel bad about myself and don't think I'm as smart or capable as most people. Whether or not it's viable now, I don't think I'll ever be able to have one because I feel like I'm not smart enough to care for one. In spite of all that, the longing won't go away. My friend pointed out that animals aren't just objects that exist to make us happy, and I GET that. I understand that they need proper care and it would be selfish to get one and not be able to provide for it. But, the prospect of never having an animal, EVER, breaks my heart in a million pieces.I don't have a boyfriend now, and I am fairly sure that I don't ever want to have children. I don't hate children or anything, I just love animals more. I'm originally from USA but right now I'm teaching abroad, so I don't have a lot of stability in my life. Even if things were to change, though, I feel guilty about wanting an animal because, like I said, I don't think I'm smart enough to be a good pet owner.Guinea pigs are my absolute favorite pets, and I like cats but prefer most breeds of dogs over cats (I don't like most little dogs, certain breeds annoy me). I've had a couple cats that I loved. I always dreamed of having a horse of my own someday. I know that it sounds puerile, but I can't let go of that dream even though most people eventually grow up and decide that it's not practical. I've ridden horses, been around them and researched them, although I'm not as skilled or knowledgeable as I'd like to be... and I still dream of having one but it seems impossible! I know that I'm going to get flack for being 'selfish' when there are so many worse problems, but my heart hurts because I want a pet so badly and don't feel deserving or competent. I can't help how I feel and this situation makes me cry. Thank you if you have advice for me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): You've had a lot of pets, so you thinking that you'll never ever have one seems a bit bizarre...
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 ps
and ... sorry ... this post is intriguing me ... why do you feel so certain you can't 'EVER' have one?? Has something bad happened to one (or more) pets in your care?
Having a pet is not totally the same as having a child, I have to say. I usually agree with Caring Guy, but I don't totally on this front.
A pet needs respect first and foremost, and then practical care (water, food, cleaning out, some fun time outside, loving, veterinary care). (In that order.) A pet is less complex than a child. It doesn't have to grow up and earn its living, for example. It will always be dependent. But because it is so innocent, and so dependent, and because pet ownership is generally such a private thing, it really does require the highest degree of decency from the owner.
I am still not sure what makes you think you aren't up to that, but if you aren't, you aren't. Tough. You can't make an animal suffer because you want a pet.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 May 2011):
Hi there
Would like to help, but you need to be more specific.
What does this mean:
but I have had experiences lately that make me feel like I'm incompetent.
?
What experiences?
OK - you want a pet - but why do you think you 'can't' have one?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 May 2011):
Most parents before having children feel the same way. When I was in hospital a few years ago, I saw a pregnant woman in tears. A nurse asked her what was wrong, and she just said "what if I'm a bad mum?" Then nurse spent a good long time speaking to her, explaining that it just happens and there's no handbook in life. All you can do is trust that you're doing the right thing.
It's the same with you. You want a pet, and the only thing stopping you really is your own negativity towards yourself. Ironically, the fact that you've spent a huge amount of time thinking about this and worrying about it proves you'll be a good owner. All you really need to do is research any pet that you want, and look at how to care for them. That's all. Everything else will just happen.
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