A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I cut this woman out of my life some time ago. I did it only after a long effort of trying to talk to her to reach a common understanding. And I did it only after a long period of deliberation and only after I was convinced that she was lying to me and manipulating me and that she really did not care about me as a person.My last email to her, I told her I could no longer talk to her and that I would not reply to her any longer.Anyway, so I stopped replying to her calls and emails. The thing is, even though I think back to all the things she did and that she is not trustworthy, I still feel guilty. It feels so horrible to ignore someone...anyone.Am I wrong? Did I do the right thing? Will this guilt ever go away?Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): Don't feel bad or guilty. Time will heal. Hang out with your friends more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really really appreciate your replies. The support truly means a lot. Even if it was not supportive, I would have appreciated you all taking the time to reply.
I really tried very hard. I asked my friends for months what to do, describing the situation, and they all told me to get out months ago. But because I had invested so much in the relationship, I hung on, trying to make it work. But she kept lying, taking, and not caring.
It's just that I feel that as a human being I am limited in judgment and can never know the whole picture. So I could always be wrong. And it's that lingering self-doubt that sometimes produces the guilt.
But you guys are right....we have to make the best decisions given the information we have at the moment.
P.S. Drew21--that really is an amazing story!
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 You made a rational decision based on all the facts. Our friends are people we share so much with, where we sense when they are 'with us'. But if that trust is betrayed then what is left? Not enough for things to continue as before.
Yes, you did do the right thing for your self preservation.
Never saddle yourself with guilt, where there is no need for that guilt.
And there is NO need for any guilt in this instance. Guilt is a waste of your precious life. I applaud you for going forward, though try, as best you can, to go forward without guilt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): You were right. You did the right thing and with a change in perspective, the guilt should fade in time.
Avoid troublesome people and situations and you'll save yourself a lot of grief. If more people did this much sooner some of those troublesome people would learn to become better people and everyone would be happy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 May 2011):
You absolutely did the right thing. Sometimes what is right, doesn't always feel right for a long time. But that doesn't make it any less right (if that makes sense).
There are times where you have to make hard decisions, and this is one that paid off.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 May 2011):
 you should never feel guilty for taking care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (27 May 2011):
 It sounds as if you had a good reason for doing what you did, and that it was sort of a last resort. I wouldn't feel guilty about it, if I were you. There's people who are more heartless when it comes to cutting people out of their lives, they do it simply because they cannot be bothered to deal with the person they're cutting out - as in, they don't even bother trying to talk to the person, as you said you tried to do, to try and "reach a common understanding".After breaking up with me, my ex-boyfriend and I did the friendship thing, but then he started ignoring my texts etc. He cut me out, and with less of a good reason than you have [although I'm probably biased considering I was the one being cut out :P]. But I'm [mostly] over it, it's just something you get over, depending on your level of attachment - and sometimes, obsessiveness. Anyway, to sum up: please don't feel guilty, sometimes cutting people out if just something you have to resort to because there's no better way to deal with the situation, and it sounds as if you DID try to deal with it. Your guilt will eventually go away once you accept that what you did wasn't wrong and it wasn't such a terrible thing - and this is coming from someone who has been cut out/ignored by someone :)Drew21 - WOW. Sorry, but on reading what you wrote... I just can't believe that. I mean, I do believe it, but wow. How obsessive is she? I thought *I* was bad in persisting with trying to get back into contact with my ex for almost 2 months.
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A
male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (27 May 2011):
 You are not wrong, and you did the right thing. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself and do what is best and right for you. If this woman was having an adverse effect on you in your life, then you are more then justified in cutting her out and should not feel guilty about it.If she is unable to let you go or leave you alone, then that is her issue to work out and deal with. If you have chosen not to be involved with this person, then why should you be expected to be there to support them, right?Just be strong, and be aware that she may continue to try to message you for a very long time. Ignore her. Do not respond.I had a similar situation. When i was still single, i met two girls relatively around the same time. Both showed interest in me. I tried going on a date with both. One of the two i just felt NOTHING for. No attraction, really frustrating to talk to. I tried one other date after that, same thing, and so i decided this girl was not gonna cut it. The second girl i wound up marrying. That was 8 years (4 married) and 2 kids ago.The first girl, after our failed dates, still messaged me, emailed me, text messaged me. Practically weekly. She keeps asking me for another date... She's even gone further and asked me to just try sleeping with her and then see if i can continue my life as is. I told her repeatedly (for a good 4 years!) that i was not interested, there was no chance, i was in a happy relationship that was serious.This girl never quit. Finally, when i married the second girl, i told the first "look i'm married now. No chance." She told me that didn't bother her. I had a kid. She kept going. SHE got married and had a kid, yet she STILL KEPT trying to convince me that the best option was for the two of us to dump our respective families and run off together. At this stage i FINALLY said "enough, this is the last message you will get from me. I will not allow you to affect my life, which i am very happy with, negatively."I have not responded to her since, but you know what? Like clockwork, TO THIS DAY, i can count on a message every 2 months, either an email, or a facebook friend request, or requested contact add on MSN messenger.She still has not given up. And i haven't acknowledged her for going on 4 years now.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Do you feel there is something you should have done differently to end the relationship?Sometimes it is just HARD to let go. Even if we do the right thing, we feel like we failed the relationship or ourselves.There is nothing wrong with ending a freindship that is simply BAD for you and brings out the worst in yourself.No point in having a freind you can NOT trust.Do you do the right thing and handle it with maturity, directly and as kindly as possible in the circumstances?Then it just hurts. Those are feelings that go with breaking up. It passes eventually. Give it time.Best Wishes
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