A
male
age
30-35,
*aeys
writes:Okay, well.Today I was on IM chat (MSN) with my girlfriend. I had just got back from work and had only spoken to her once, for 2-3 minutes, that WHOLE day. On IM, I was laughing and sharing demotivational pictures and enjoying myself whilst sharing them with her.Suddenly she turns cold and says "i'm gonna go". I asked if I had done something that offended her and she said bluntly, "no."I texted her later and found out that she wanted to talk instead of share pictures but during the whole 'conversation' she only said "how are you" and "i'm gonna go". Then she expects me to somehow read her mind (OVER THE INTERNET!!!)and release that she wants to chat about 'stuff' and 'everything'.\So then I texted her back offering to call her and she replies "No, it's too late now. Nevermind".I mean, REALLY!? She tells me she wanted to chat and then when I offer she turns cold (yeah, AGAIN ._.)and says that "it's too late now."And then amidst all the confusion, I end up with the blame. It's my fault for not reading her mind and doing what she wanted. Then she relapses on it, apologises, and lays down the guilt trip on me which worked like a charm.Why does she manipulate me like this? Do chicks find this sort of thing 'fun'? Or that taking everything their boyfriend's do for granted because it's 'not good enough' for them? Does manipulation give a sense of empowerment or something?She always so moody and bitchy toward me and I'm getting really, REALLY fed up with her constant sh*t.Any help you could provide would be really appreciated. Thanks.
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female
reader, Nime  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 It's not really manipulation; your girl is testing your boundaries. Deep down she wants to see how much you'll put up with. If you apologize and grovel for failing her tests she will experience a shallow victory and punish you for failing to 'man up' through guilt tripping. What women really NEED is for you to set clear boundaries on what you'll tolerate. If you don't, your lady will feel insecure in the relationship. Think about it: if you don't stand up for your own self, would you stand up for her? Your girlfriend will continue to push at your boundaries and belittle you until she can get you to say 'enough'. Most young women will try these tactics (testing and guilt tripping) until the relationship matures or ends.
I'm not claiming your girlfriend is aware of what she's doing. Before I ever got a boyfriend I used to think I'd treat him like gold, but I'm ashamed to admit when I finally got one I found myself doing the same things your girlfriend is doing. Initially I thought I was testing his feelings for me, but as our relationship deepened and he began to tell me clearly he was fed up with my antics, I realized what I was really doing: forcing him to take up the 'dominant' position. What you need to do is remind your girlfriend you love her, but warn her in no uncertain terms that you will not put up with her disrespectful behavior. Tell her you'll ignore her until she's ready to behave decently. She will be very angry at first, but trust me, eventually she will be testing you far less often and will be much more tolerable to be around.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 November 2010):
Ha be prepared for this in the future...women do this. You're taking it wrong, it wasn't any sort of manipulation tactic or her expecting you to read her mind. She was ANNOYED at the fact that you had hardly spoken to her all day and then during IM all you wanted to do was be silly. To women: that's annoying. Women are talkers, we like to talk about our day and your day and make plans for when we'll see each other again. To women, this is common sense and we think that since you haven't hardly spoken to us that day (granted you were busy) we automatically think that you should start in with the whole, "Baby, I sure did miss you. How was your day?" talk. When you don't, we automatically put you in idiotville and don't really want to talk to you anymore because either A.) You just don't get it/or care or B.) We don't really care about the pictures you want to send us through IM because they're silly and we'd rather talk about something "meaningful."
I'm not trying to put you down at all. Pretty much every guy does this at least once-in-a-while. It's just one of the big differences between men and women. Just keep in mind, that yes women do somewhat expect you to "read their mind" because to us...it only makes sense because that's what we would do. It's not to be manipulative or play any sort of game, we think that you should just know. So don't beat yourself up too much over it and don't be upset with her over it. Even though you probably don't think you're in the wrong, I think you should just apologize for not thinking about her feelings. In the end, she only felt that way probably because she missed you :)
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 Her expecting you to mind read is a sign of immaturity. I've dated women who've expected that I mind read and I've dated women who haven't and both my personal experience and the psychological research that I've read on the topic say that if a girl expects you to mind read, the relationship is going to be a difficult one to keep going.
The fact is, even if you know the other person really well, you can't be in tune with how they're feeling or what they want a %100 of the time. You have your own life that you're leading and there'll be times when you're so focused on your own stuff that you'll overlook things that would normally be obvious to you (e.g. her voice sounds sad even though she says she's fine). In those situations, she has to be able to say "Could you call me?" or "Can I have a hug?" because she needs to be able to voice what she needs.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 November 2010):
I think sometimes men screw up with women. We don't listen properly, or often we say the wrong thing (I've been guilty a few times with my girlfriend)
However, I also think sometimes some women are very good at pressing the right buttons when it suits them. It is done for manipulation, and or often done when a woman feels insecure, or second best. Of course, after a while it runs out and you realize it's not your fault.
On this occasion, and I suspect other times (you mentioned you're getting fed up), your girlfriend has acted the drama queen to suit her. I don't like that. Men aren't mind readers, and it's immature and closed minded of your girlfriend to think we can.
If she's doing this often, then you need to end it. Once or twice is one thing, because there will be times when you need to listen. But if she's doing it often, and then not explaining why she's getting mad, then she's a drama queen. Don't waste your time.
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