A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay I am recently separated with 2 kids. My husband told me he was not happy and he was talking to a co-worker. he told me nothing would ever happen they are co-workers and friends. I found text messages saying things like "All i need to see is your smile" so i kicked him out. He and i have been continuing to have a very hot sexual relationship. He tells me he does not talk to this girl any longer and he loves me, but he is not sure if he wants to get back together. I found out (he told me) he invited this girl over to his house so her kids could play with our son. I am very upset about this and i feel like he is just using me for sex until he starts getting it from this girl. Also our divorce is not completely final and I know he is afraid I will "rape" him in court. Is he just trying to passify me until the divorce is over? Also I am very easily giving in to him regarding sex. I dont know if its smarter to play hard to get?? I just dont know what to think.
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co-worker, divorce, get back together, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): What made you think for a second that breaking up with him then having sex was a good idea? I bet he can't believe his luck! The classic "i love you but i'm not sure if i want to get back together" yet he's willing to have sex with you. You are being incredibley niave if you think he's stopped seeing that other girl. He knows by telling you that he'll get what he wants. He's using you while still seeing her, i guarantee it.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 November 2010):
 He *is* using you for sex. Don't just play hard to get. Play IMPOSSIBLE to get. Throw him out with the trash. There is no bet hedging when it comes to affairs of the heart. You need to cut him out of your heart and away from you personally. He must not get access to you. You have business with him because of the kids, and that is where it lies.
Don't even tell him what you do with your time when you're not with him. It's none of his business. He will ask you. he will say that he misses you. He will say sweet nothings and you will be tempted to give in because your ego has taken a bruising because he has rejected you.
You need to turn it around and cut him off. That is the best way your sense of loneliness and your bruised ego to heal. No more sex for him. Ever.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 November 2010):
You're doing the worst thing possible in giving him sex. You're getting divorced, he's living elsewhere. You shouldn't be giving him sex. He'll tell you he loves you if it gets you into bed with him. But the fact is he doesn't love you, or he'd have tried to work this out.
Stop the sex, and focus on the divorce. The marriage is over, and he won't be coming back for love. But of course he will use you if you let him.
He was unhappy, you kicked him out, and now this is a divorce. It should end there. If you wanted to work this out, or wanted him to come back, then you needed to work on it without the sex.
Just stop the sex, for your own sake and dignity.
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