A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We have broken up twice. The first time we broke up it was because he cheated on me. I had a feeling he did and after asking a him a couple of times if he did he finally told me he had cheated, but he didn't know the girl and it met nothing to him. The second time we got back together I called his phone when he was out with his "friends" and heard him talking dirty to girls and heard him exposing himself to them. He tried to lie to me about it, but that night he came clean and told me everything. We broke up after that. We now have been back together for two months. I know that he dated other girls when we weren't together. He told me about them and said he would stop talking to them. I know that he has girls that are just friends and he talks about them and I know it is harmless. Yesterday, I went to use his phone and went into his contacts and saw a lot of girls' numbers so I looked at the call history between them and there was one girl that he had been text messaging and the phone showed that the text messages had been deleted. On the phone it showed he had daily conversations with her. When I asked him about it he said "how did you find that out?". I told him his phone shows deleted text messages, but doesn't show the conversations. He lied and said he didn't talk to her the other night, but when I showed him the phone he then said it was harmless and he hid it from me because he didn't want to hurt me and that he kept talking to her cause he didn't want her to feel bad. What do I do? Do I believe him because I can't prove what was said between him and this girl or do I look at the past and assume he had intentions on cheating or already has?
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broke up, cheated on me, got back together, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 June 2011):
Twice before! Not only can't you trust him, but the time has also come for you to really look at yourself and ask yourself why you allow this treatment. Happy, confident women don't allow themselves to be treated this way, and this is probably a sign that you need to spend some real time working on your own life, rather than worrying about a serial cheater.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Ask youself why you keep taking him back after he cheats.
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A
male
reader, jkirk +, writes (7 June 2011):
No, he sounds like a seriel cheater.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (7 June 2011):
We can't tell you whether he cheated or not. The point is that your past with him has proven that he is untrustworthy. He's cheated on you and he's lied about it. So how can you now trust what he says? It's not a good sign that he's still hiding and deleting conversations from you between him and other women. So basically you have 2 options:a) You believe him. If you believe him now, do you think that you can have complete faith that he is not cheating or planning to cheat? Will you still have doubts? Will you be snooping on him and otherwise checking up on him to see if he is up to anything? If you do that, that's pretty exhausting and doesn't sound like a happy relationship to be in. b) You don't believe him. You won't know for sure unless he confesses to it or you try to get an answer from that girl, and even then you can't know for sure. At this point, I would think the answer would be to break up and not get back together again. He doesn't sound like he's changed or improved since the first 2 times he cheated.
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