A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We been togther for just over 4 years. For first two years we had sex almost everyday where ever we could, and when we both had the same days off work we spent the entire time in bed having sex. She held my hand everywhere we went, wasnt bothered who saw us together, we kissed long and passionately, she used to stroke my arm or leg when drove anywhere, she had no problem showing love and affection anywhere.Then we split up for a few months because I was accused of theft. It was instant, the minute I was accused, she walked. She told everyone we had split up and cut me off emotionally. We still saw each other occasionally but only because we hated being appart. At times we had sex, but it was different, she may as well been a rag doll because there was nothing there, no love, no feeling, no passion, nothing. I was cleared of everything and we eventually got back together after much chasing from me. But she insisted we tell no one, and to this day no one knows, which is a big bone of contention with me. Since getting back, there is still no emotion, love or passion from her. We hardly have sex and when we do its empty sex with no feeling. She says she loves me, but she wont show love or emotions toward me. She wont kiss as we did, if i’m lucky its just a peck on the cheek which she insists is a kiss. And because no one knows about us we cant move on as a couple together because then everyone would find out if we did, and she doesnt want anyone to know.Since getting back together, she also does this thing:- If we both have same days off work, she’s always busy and cant see me, but when we dont have same days off she always says she wishes she could be with me. Sometimes she visits my flat, and if i’m off work she finds an excuse to leave after a couple of hours, but when she knows I have to be at work, she always says she wishes it was my day off so she could stay over. To me, its as if she dont want to be with me in a relationship, but just wants me there! Everyone I know tells me to get rid of her as they say its dragging me down the way she is with me. The longer this carries on, the more I think they are right.What should i do?
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at work, got back together, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 June 2011):
Yep - ditch her. There's no point in keeping someone like her around - clearly all she cares about is her own image, and nothing else. If you were guilty, that would have been one thing. But you weren't guilty. And she judged you wrongly and harshly. She's utterly useless.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 What's the point of a relationship without loyalty? She walked the moment you received some wild accusation, and even now is frigid.
Given her new frigidity, the way she's avoiding you, and the way she's only warm when there's no way she can see you in the near future, I'd be willing to bet she's either cheating or considering cheating - and, if someone like an anonymous online writer were to accuse her of cheating, I'm sure she'd expect you to believe she was innocent, and act accordingly.
This girl is not worth your time or affection. Dump her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): "Everyone I know tells me to get rid of her as they say its dragging me down the way she is with me. The longer this carries on, the more I think they are right."
Sounds like you know exactly what's going on and exactly what to do about it. You're right dude and your friends are right too. It's time to move on, this isn't even a relationship.
You tried, you realized nothing was going to work so you move on.
Time to break up and have "the talk" with her. Actions speak louder than words man, and her actions tell you all you need to know. It's really pointless to drag this out or keep fighting like this when the girl is making absolutely no effort in return. Time to go man and you know it is.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 June 2011):
 If you were cleared I sure don't know what her problem is but I know I wouldn't want to live my life like I were someone's dirty secret. Tell her that and then start looking for someone who wants to be with you, privately as well as publicly.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Your girlfriend didn't stand by you when you needed her, and the relationship has never recovered from the blow. This experience tested the strength of your bond and it failed.... Deep down I think you both know this. It's time to let her go and move on.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (1 June 2011):
 I think your friends are right. She is acting pretty strange. Her feelings for you wouldn't have just disappeared like that. And now that she knows you didn't steal anything. She might still believe you did it. But for the few months that you weren't seeing each other you don't know what she has been doing. She could be pregnant? Just a theory but who knows? She told everyone about what you were accused of doing, maybe now if she gets back with you people will talk and say she's stupid (Even though you're in the clear.) I don't think there is anything there for you to stay. Having someone like that around will drag you down and make you feel like crap. Trust me I know. You should tell her everything you said. Everything you think and move on from her. Unless she has a good reason why she is acting like this.
Good luck and I hope everything turns out for the best =)
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